12 Playoff Teams In 1,200 Words or Less
By Adio Royster
THE PHOENIX
(… The first one word descriptions don’t count …)
(… Nor does the introductory paragraph. Unless you REALLY want to nit-pick …)
The time has come for the most depressing month of the year if you’re a football fan. The playoffs have started, and Sundays are about to become very free for Family Fun Days or whatever useless substitute for football you may have. Not sure exactly how many playoff previews have already been written, but when has that ever stopped me before from doing something that has already been done.
NFC
New Orleans Saints – Teetering
If you’re a Saints fan, you’re not feeling too good. You’re probably as confident in your team as citizens of New Orleans were in FEMA back in 2005. (Too soon?) Thankfully, though, Drew Brees is still steering the boat through the eye of this storm pretty much by himself due to a missing run game. In the last five games, the Saints have averaged 90 rushing yards per game after getting 100-plus in every game before that except one. That isn’t gonna get it done in January. Where’s the balance?
Minnesota Vikings – Timebomb
As in this team is a ticking one waiting to happen. Between Adrian Peterson’s lack of a 100-yard run game (11/15 was the last) and a possible Brett Favre meltdown performance looming like a Minnesota blizzard, is it any wonder why I’m kinda skiddish about this team’s chances? Going 3-3 to finish the season with a loss to Carolina for goodness sake doesn’t really instill confidence. The only saving grace for this team is that they don’t have to leave Minnesota where they’re 8-0 unless they have to go to New Orleans.
Dallas Cowboys – Threat
Say what you want about the Cowboys in the past, but they finally showed up to the December party. They aren’t the hottest team in the NFL contrary to what some writers think (because there’s a California team that has won 11 straight), but they do look pretty good. Having to play the Eagles again has its pros and cons, though. On one side, the ‘Boys did beat the Eagles twice for the first time in ten years, but it’s not easy to beat one team three times. If they do, then the first word description becomes even more true.
Arizona Cardinals – Dangerous
What is there to say about the Cards that hasn’t been said? Except New Orleans, no offense has more firepower. Unfortunately, these Cards have the same issue that I had with them last year: no run game. They got to the Super Bowl last year after only averaging 73 yards-per-game. Beanie Wells appears to be the real deal (4.5 yds/carry), but who knows how bad that hamstring will affect his production. Anquan Boldin is hurt. Larry Fitzgerald is hurt. Combine that with the Packers #5 pass defense, and it might be a short playoff run.
Green Bay Packers – Silent
Dallas finally won a game (or three) in December. Brett Favre actually performs late in the year helping the Vikings. But, did anyone notice that the Packers have won seven of their last eight (including a win against Dallas). Much like a fat person after a round of Taco Bell, the end result of dealing with the Packers could be deadly. With all the hooplah that Favre gets, but no one seems to be pointing out that Aaron Rodgers has thrown for 232 more yards and has only three fewer touchdowns. Rodgers doesn’t have that threat of self-destruction, either.
Philadelphia Eagles – Predictable
You know what you’re getting into when you play the Eagles: pass-pass-run-pass-pass. The Cowboys exploited a major flaw in the Eagles offensive strategy. Prevent the big play (Eagles have 42 pass plays of 25 yards or more), and you can beat this team. Sustaining drives in the playoffs is critical. Also, this team used to be predictable defensively. You know the four linemen are rushing, but what other guys are coming? Anyone but me notice the utter lack of a blitz against Dallas last week. When they did blitz Romo, he fluttered. Dear Sean [McDermott] … MESSAGE!
AFC
Indianapolis Colts – Vulnerable
Ignore the last two weeks. Don’t get on them for blowing a lead against the Jets with their backups, and don’t get on them for mailing it in against the Bills. Get on them for entering the playoffs without tackle Ryan Diem. Get on them for having the worst run defense of all the playoff teams (giving up 126/game) — a constant bug that rears its ugly head against the wrong opponent. Peyton Manning is an MVP candidate, but is this one of those years where Manning isn’t gonna be able to carry the Colts by himself?
San Diego Chargers – Champions
Everything is set up so perfectly for San Diego to get to Miami. They’ve won 11 straight, play at home for the first game, and when the Chargers have to leave San Diego, they’ll face a Colts team they’ve beaten two straight times in the playoffs already. Not calling them a lock, but they look damn good. Philip Rivers won’t get the MVP over Peyton Manning, but he’s got a slight edge to get a ring over Manning. Now if you’ll excuse me, there are about two million San Diegans begging and pleading with me to knock on wood.
New England Patriots – Hobbling
With Wes Welker out, that’s a serious blow to the ‘Pats. How important is he? Of his 123 receptions, 16 of them came on 3rd and 3 to 7 yards with 11 first downs. Is Jordan Edelman going to be able to even come close to coming through in the clutch like that? Could one of those 3rd down situations be at a critical time? The Patriots can probably beat the Ravens because of the element of surprise with the new way that offense will adapt, but one week is all that’ll last when they play Indianapolis or San Diego.
Cincinnati Bengals – Confusing
I have more questions about this team than I do about government health care reform. I literally have no idea what to expect, anymore. NONE. When Cincinnati is good, they play inspired because of the deaths of defensive coordinator Mike Zimmer’s wife and Chris Henry. When they’re bad, they lose to Oakland (– one of the more confusing losses this year –). My confidence isn’t helped by the Bengals losing MLB Rey Maualuga (ankle) and having a slowed-up DT Domata Peko (knee). A big game (or two) from my comeback player of the year, Cedric Benson (editor’s note: GREAT CALL, PHOENIX!), may make me feel better.
New York Jets – Pretending
Saying the Jets are one-and-done is too much of a confidence builder because that means there’s belief the Jets will win at Cincinnati. NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN. Five words why: Rookie quarterback, rookie head coach. Ben Roethlisberger’s performance in his rookie year was one of the rarest things to happen in the “millenios”, and there’s no way in hell Mark Sanchez comes even remotely close to that. However, taking my Bengals comments into consideration as well as the Jets having the #1 rush attack and overall defense, I am reminded that stranger things have happened in the NFL Playoffs.
Baltimore Ravens – Physical
Yeah, it’s a “go to” word to describe the Ravens, but when you’re the most physical team this year, you get special recognition. Joe Flacco has had a good sophomore season (3,613 yards & 23 TDs), but make no mistake, this team will beat you into submission with Ray Rice (5.4 ypc on first downs) and Willis McGahee (5.0 ypc). Defensively, it’s all about all 340 lbs. of Haloti Ngata and the openings he provides for LBs like Ray Lewis to make plays. Tom Brady might want to be careful because there really could be a hit that warrants a roughing the passer — unlike week 4’s nonsense.
After all that, I bet you’re wondering who I’m picking for the big Miami classic this year. Well, if you’re familiar with my columns, you know I’m all about my opinions, not my choices. Choices get me into a lot of trouble with people … their bookies … and their loan sharks with large metal objects.
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