Lakers-Celtics

Red Sox-Yankees

These are the greatest rivalries in sports. But what I’m about to breakdown is possibly the most heated rivalry in the history of leaders. After making a comment in my friend Mike’s note about Spring Training, I’ve been inspired to breakdown the world’s best (or is it worst?) rivalry.

Bush vs. Selig

This is a heavyweight fight of incompetent leaders.

Where else can you compare two people that have so effectively run their constituencies into the ground than former President George W. Bush and current MLB Commissioner Bud Selig?

Let’s compare their resumes, starting with the former Commander-in-Chief.

George W. Bush

OBJECTIVE

Make every organization worse than it was before my arrival.

EDUCATION

I think I went to Yale? Alls I know is that I drank a lot of beer and was drunkified most of the time.

SKILLS

• Have a cowboy hat
• Can drink over 15 beers and still drive (except in Maine)
• My father’s powerful friends like to tag along.
• These bullets are pretty cool looking, he he.

EXPERIENCE

President | United States of America | January 2001 to January 2009

Accomplishments

• Took away more rights than any other president in the name of liberty than any other.
• Sealed and withheld more information than any other president.
• Fought more wars than any other president in history.
• Allowed the worst homeland attack in the nation’s history and used it to prop up my own agenda.
• Fought against Stem Cell research (that could eventually lead to huge medical advances).
• Took the world economic leader and reduced it to a nation on the doorsteps of another Great Depression.
• Had the guts to make the tough decisions.

Governor | Great State of Texas | January 1995 to December 2000

Accomplishments

• Changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
• Replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America.
• Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. (at least I’m consistent)
• Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.

Minority Owner | Texas Rangers (MLB) | 1988 to 1998

• ZERO World Series Championships/Appearances
• Traded Future 600-HR Member Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox for Harold Baines

*Please note, I would put more of my experience on my resume, but let’s be honest, it’s more of the same. I ran an Oil Company into the ground and I went a-wall (that’s AWOL to everyone else) during the Vietnam War when I was dodging the “active military” in the Air National Guard. I am a national hero.*

(Special Thanks to Kelley Kramer for the Bush resume.)

Ok. That was some pretty impressive stuff, eh? Mr. Bush was amazingly a failure at every stop.

Now, let’s see about Bud’s qualifications shall we? Instead of boring you with another resume, I’m just going to list Selig’s accomplishments in his baseball career (including his ownership of the Milwaukee Brewers)

• Only Commission in history to simultaneously own a franchise and also hold the Commissioner’s title. Bud was acting-Commish from 1992 to 1998, which was legal only when he “transferred” ownership of the team to his daughter — the team was eventually sold to Los Angeles investor Mark Attanasio
• Oversaw the Steroid Era and its complete destruction on baseball’s record book. First he profited off it with the Great Home Run Chase of 1998 (between Mark McGuire and the aforementioned Sosa — great job George!) and now he’s condemning it after Barry Bonds and Alex “A-Roid” Rodriguez have injected their names at the top of the all-time home run leaderboard.
• Allowed a tie to occur in the All Star Game in 2002 — only to use that embarrassment to make the “Mid-Summer Classic” (an exhibition game) the determining factor in homefield advantage in the World Series. Genius!!!!
• Created interleague play (ok, that was a good one).
• Oversaw the dreadful 1994 Players Strike that wiped out the World Series and officially made Pro Football this country’s national pastime. This will always be his defining legacy.
• Instead of remaining accountable for his actions, this Ultimate Leader attacks any and all media outlet that dare criticize him. Wonderful media relations, Bud!

After sifting through the ashes, the clear victor has to be Bush. Baseball is just a game, but the U.S. was the world’s preeminent nation. It takes a lot ot flush that one down the toilet.

Unfortunately, though, in this fight, we all lose. Americans haven’t felt this bad for themselves since the roaring 20s came to a screeching halt in October of 1929. Whether the nation’s former favorite pastime is a joke or people are having their houses repossessed and jobs downsized, one thing is clear.

Bad leaders make for bad organizations.

Hopefully, there will be a new rivalry for us to get excited about and not one about the ignorance (“Moronity!” added Bush) of these two screw-ups.