“Kickass!”

“Heaven.”

Seven years and 13 games later, these are how some of my loyal readers who happen to be rabid Raiders fans are feeling after Oakland’s 35-27 win over the San Diego Chargers this past Sunday.

On a sunny Sunday afternoon at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum, Raiders fans were able to smile with pride in the same way that they did on Sunday, September 28, 2003.  That’s not a typo … September 28 … 2003!  Think about that.  There are children living in the Oakland metropolitan area who have never witnessed the Raiders beating the Chargers.  Their parents have lived in the shame that they’ve subjected their pride and joy to an ownership of colossal proportions.

(Okay, let me stop dumping on Raiders fans because that’s not what this piece is about.)

There are no words in the English language to describe the feeling of getting a win over a team that has treated you like Vic Morrow treated LeVar Burton in “Roots”.  As a fan of a team who were property of another in the late 80s/early 90s – see Eagles/Cowboys rivalry and my disdain for almost anyone from the state of Texas – I honestly feel for these fan bases in the same way that I feel for high school freshmen who get mercilessly picked on by seniors on their first day.

This look on Raiders fans' faces has been familiar when they face the San Diego Chargers.

It’s bad enough Raiders fans get picked on for having a zombie for an owner, a guy who punched out an assistant as a head coach and a quarterback who just never seems to get a break (seriously, the Raiders should have been starting Gradkowski after JaMarcus Russel’s second season).  They have to deal with the realization twice a year that they will never get a certain 228 pound monkey named Philip Rivers off their back.

Many of my Raiders readers probably woke up the same way they have been for the last seven years when it is “Chargers Weekend” up in Oakland.  They’re hopeful for a win, but prepared for inevitability.  Why would it be any different?

Five minutes into the game … it’s 12-0 Oakland after back-to-back blocked San Diego punts.  (If Chargers special teams coach Steve Crosby isn’t a checker at VONS by the time this article is complete, I’ll be amazed, by the way.) Raiders fans are starting to rejoice like Red Sox fans did after Johnny Damon hit his first of two home runs in game 7 the ’04 ALCS causing Chargers fans to panic similar to the ’04 Yankees.

Special teams was about the only thing to cheer about since the offense was only running on half power.  Gradkowski was 1-7 for 14 yards, but Michael Bush was gashing the Chargers early finishing with 104 yards on 26 carries.  A Mike Tolbert fumble with about 2:40 to go in the first kept the momentum going Oakland’s way until Nnamdi Asomugha forgot how to play cornerback, apparently (Malcolm Floyd: 154 yards receiving in the FIRST HALF).  An Antonio Gates touchdown here, a Mike Tolbert touchdown there and it was business as usual at the half with the Chargers up 17-15.

Even though the Raiders were only down by two, the Chargers had the momentum going into the second half, and even with Jason Campbell in at quarterback – a man who as it seems I misguidedly praised before the start of the season – there was some positivity in the Black Hole.

Seriously!?! Anyone wanna cover #80? Anyone at all! - (SOURCE: Yahoo! News)

7:38 left in the third quarter – Malcolm Floyd is running free.  “Ohhhh, s*&!”.  Chargers lead 24-15.  If you look at the replay of that touchdown, I think you can actually see Floyd taking a dump on the Raiders secondary at about the two yard line before trotting into the end zone.  That’s how wide open he was!

Down 24-15, I saw something out of the Raiders that I honestly haven’t seen in a long time in this series – resiliency.  Right about then is where the old Raiders would have shown up and lay over, but Jason Campbell and Michael Bush channeled their inner Owen Hart (circa Nation of Domination) with an impressive 13 play, 97 yard drive that was basically just the Raiders giving Norv Turner and the Chargers the good old “Hawaiian Peace Sign”.

San Diego of course responded with a quick drive leading to a Nate Kaeding field goal to make it 27-22, but again, the Raiders and their fans showed some unseen resiliency.  Finally!  We have a Jason Campbell sighting that made him one of “My Guys” this year.  On the Raiders ensuing drive, Campbell called on the spirit of Jeff Hostetler to help him go 5-5 for 43 yards.  Michael Bush rumbled into the end-zone with 3:39 left to put the Raiders up 28-27.

Facebook pretty much puts it in perspective as these were some of the status updates I received after:

“OMG RAIDERS!”

“Could this be it?  Could this finally be the one?!?”

“If the Raiders come back and win, I will donate blood to Al Davis.”

As joyous of an occasion this was for Raiders fans, calm needed to be exercised.  After all, they were in this situation last year on Monday night after JaMarcus Russell found Louis Murphy late to give the Raiders the lead.  These were still the Chargers, the team that owns you, and this was still Philip Rivers, a guy that with 3:33 left had 366 yards passing.

Raiders fans had entered the “Bob Uecker Zone” (a moment where you just know something bad could happen).  Rivers rushes for 14 on first down.  Next play, Rivers throws to Floyd for 13.  After an incompletion, back-to-back completions of five and six gave Raiders fans a sinking feeling.  Then, it finally happened.  Something FINALLY went Oakland’s way.  Rivers hit by Michael Huff – sorry, folks, his arm was empty when it went forward – Branch picks it up and goes 64 yards for the clincher.

Rejoicing.

Happiness.

Tears.

Not sure if DT Tommy Kelley is crying in this picture, but even if he is, he gets a pass. (SOURCE: Yahoo! News)

Exercising demons is one thing, but doing it in a manner that was just so uncharacteristic for this team made it even more special to fans.  One of my best friends described the moment as “hyphy” which is what I’m assuming he got after the win (he’s probably hung over from celebrating as I write this), and why not?  The Oakland Raiders gave their fans something they hadn’t gotten in a long time.

Probably the best way to sum up the feeling of an entire fan base comes from my man, Gonzo, who said:

“It feels like I’m 16, and I just lost my virginity.”

Yup.  These are Raiders fans, and they’re also some of my readers.

Major-market franchises — New York Yankees, Boston Red Sox, and Los Angeles Lakers — benefit from higher revenues and in turn are usually able to be competitive even in poor seasons by their respective standards. There tends to be a steady turnover between championship caliber seasons among teams that aren’t in major markets, so there is no excuse — other than poor management and ownership — why some franchises continue to be perpetual losers.

Orioles Owner Peter Angelos

Take exhibit A, the Baltimore Orioles.

The Orioles are on track to finish their 13th consecutive season below .500 after reaching the American League Championship Series in 1997, and for the past few seasons, have finished near the bottom of Major League Baseball in attendance. The Orioles suffer from playing in the American League East with the large-pocketed Red Sox and Yankees, but prior to the 2000s, the franchise was competitive on an annual basis and truly one of baseball’s flagship teams going back to the 1960s. The Orioles, in my opinion, boast the best stadium in all of baseball in Camden Yards, and it is a crime to see the stands virtually empty on Sportscenter highlights.

After 13 seasons of misery, the city of Baltimore deserves a change in leadership. Clearly owner Peter Angelos has lost his way in being able to produce competitive teams that fans want to watch, and there are minimal signs of improvement. The recent hiring of Buck Showalter to manage appears to be the best decision Angelos has made in 13 years.

Simply put, ownership may own the team, but there should be some requirement to display competency in leadership and effort to improve a franchise and produce winning teams. The world has changed, but the CTU Sports Division of Taking Back Sports plays for Joe the Fan, and still believes the fans should always come first, as they are the foundation of any sport’s prosperity. Peter Angelos is among several owners listed below (in no particular order) that deserve to hear the words “you’re fired” — Donald Trump style:

Lions Owner Bill Ford

Bill Ford, Detroit Lions (NFL). This team hasn’t fielded a winning team since Barry Sanders retired in 2000, and the NFL has a rigid salary cap, so Ford has even less of an excuse than Angelos. When a three-win season is an improvement by three games over the prior season, your team has an ownership problem.

Knicks Owner Jim Dolan

Jim Dolan, New York Knicks (NBA). The Knicks, like the Lions (getting compared to the Lions is always a severe negative), have not been to the playoffs or produced an over .500 team since 2000. Given the decorated history of the franchise, and that it is in the largest market in the United States, only truly abysmal ownership could accomplish what the Knicks have this decade. Combined with the Larry Brown and Isiah Thomas fiascos, Dolan might be the worst owner in the history of American professional sports.

Spike Lee might want to start forming an group to try and buy the franchise.

Raiders Owner Al Davis

Oakland owner Al Davis constantly gets panned by the media and fans for not having a winning team since 2002, but Jack Bauer will actually be the voice of reason on this issue: The Raiders played in the Superbowl just eight seasons ago, so Davis doesn’t quite deserve to be in the same sentence as Angelos, Dolan, and Ford when it comes to poor ownership. Very quietly, Al Davis and his management have actually assembled the pieces to once again produce a winning team in the East Bay with a perfect fit at head coach in Tom Cable, a very underrated defense, reliable offensive line, capable running back tandem, and at last cutting the umbilical cord with their now-former franchise quarterback, JaMarcus Russell.

1. A franchise must produce at least one team with a record above a .500 winning percentage within the most recent consecutive ten-year period of ownership.
2. Exception to Article 1: Within the defined ten-year period per Article 1, a franchise produces teams that have steadily increasing winning percentages for the most recent three-year period.
3. A franchise must produce a team that competes in a postseason game/series within the most recent consecutive 12-year period of ownership.
4. A franchise must produce a team that wins a postseason game/series within the most recent consecutive 15-year period of ownership.
5. Any franchise that fails to abide by Articles 1-4 will be required to undergo a change in ownership prior to the commencing of the second season following the violation of any of the above articles. In the interest of fair franchise valuation, the governing body of a sports league will be required to establish and enforce a minimum sale price of an offending franchise. Any person, relative of a person, or person having any financial transactions with any person or relative of a person involved with the ownership of a franchise in violation of Articles 1-4 will be prohibited from owing such franchise.

If such a system were in place, Angelos would no longer be the owner of the Orioles, and the Ford family and Dolan would each be required to produce records better than the prior season during their upcoming seasons to save their ownership. This seems reasonable to me.

Jack Bauer out!

Let’s face the facts. No matter how bad your NFL team is, you can always hang your hat on the following …

Draft Darrius Heyward-Bey? Excellent Smithers. Excellent. (Joseph Coleman -- Taking Back Sports)

“As bad as we are right now, at least we’re not __________.”

In the 80s up until about 1995, that statement applied to the Tampa Bay Creamsicles (Buccaneers). From ’96 until … basically now, that statement applied to the Detroit Lions.

With the exception of one random Super Bowl appearance, the new team has officially been anointed, as of the 2009 NFL Draft.

“As bad as we are right now, at least we’re not … The Oakland Raiders.”

I feel sorry for Raiders fans in the same way I feel bad about the guy that has to hook up with the fat girl “bodyguarding” her hot friend while his boy makes out with the hottie. The part of the fat girl in this scenario will be played by Al “Montgomery Burns” Davis. Look at Al Davis, and look at C. Montgomery Burns, and I DARE YOU not to chuckle at the resemblance.

“Burnsie” has been QUOTED as saying he will not go away until the Raiders win two more Super Bowls or he dies of natural causes. If you’re a betting man, bet your mortgage, your kid’s college tuition, etc, on the latter of those happening.

I watched the draft in my apartment, and saw Mark Sanchez go to the Jets (remember to thank Erik Mangini, by the way, Jets fans). When that happened, I began to think that maybe something was going to be special. I’m not a Raiders fan by ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION, but I kinda got a feeling they might actually do something that makes sense.

I saw “Big Roge” (that’s what the commish, Roger Goodell, wants me to call him in my articles) walk up to the stage with the Raiders’ pick, and I was actually anxious. I have come to know a few Raiders fans in my five years here in San Diego, so I was excited for them. Michael Crabtree, anyone? And then it happened …

“With the eighth pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select … Darrius Hayward-Bey, wide receiver, University of Maryland.”

Immediately, I wondered if Goddell took this pick to the Oakland Raiders war room and go: “Guys? Are you sure about this? Do you need some more time? I’ll give you some more time.”

Literally five seconds later, I got a phone call from my friend Glenn, a dedicated member of Raider Nation, and then proceeded to talk him down from jumping out of a window. After I soothed him like Samuel L. Jackson in “The Negotiator,” Glenn wondered why Heyward-Bey was chosen over Crabtree. I explained carefully that if John Clayton couldn’t figure this out, what makes you think I can make sense of it?

I can tell you who I would have picked, though. I hope Burnsie is reading this. I’m nominating myself to be the next general manager of the Oakland Raiders. (This statement could cause me to lose a lot of friends who are Chargers/Broncos/Chiefs fans, but I gotta do something about this). If Burnsie is reading this and likes what he reads, feel free to contact me.

First, Let’s just analyze the situation. The Raiders have an offense that is loaded with talent at most of the key positions (i.e. quarterback and tailback). They don’t necessarily have the receiving talent, but that isn’t the pressing need in my opinion in the first round. Here’s what would have been said if Adio Royster, General Manager of the Oakland Raiders, made the pick:

“With the eighth pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select … Eugene Monroe, tackle from the University of Virginia.”

Before the pick, I can imagine the conversation with Burnsie going something like this:

ME: I’m drafting Eugene Monroe with the eighth pick.

BURNSIE: Does he have good hands?

ME: Absolutely. He’ll move those defensive linemen around and help everyone else make plays.

BURNSIE: I meant can he catch the ball?

ME: (with a confused look) Dude. I’m drafting an offensive tackle.

After explaining for about 5-10 minutes how games are won in the trenches, Burnsie kinda goes along with the pick after I promise a career season from JaMarcus Russell (which should be easy, considering his first few years of production).

The Raiders — my mistake, AL DAVIS — didn’t just screw up the first-round pick. He screwed up the ENTIRE DRAFT! In the second round, with two talented safeties, Michael Mitchell, a safety from Ohio was chosen. Um… what?! No.

This year’s draft had good little wide receiving nuggets all through it, so I’m willing to take a chance on a third-round receiver. I’m concentrated on rebuilding an offensive line that a 9-year-old Pop Warner kid can get three sacks against. Therefore, second-round pick: Max Unger, tackle, Oregon. Burnsie, I know I took back to back tackles, but understand something:

It’s impossible to put points on the board with the quarterback:

… on his back

… for the 800th time

… in the first quarter!

Listen, Burnsie. The object of the offensive line is to stop the defensive guys from tackling the offensive guys. I had to explain that as simple as possible. Monroe and Unger do that, and they can step right in and start.

Burnsie will eat your franchise's liver with a bottle of chianti (Joseph Coleman -- Taking Back Sports)

In the third round, I finally give in to Burnsie’s request and draft a wide receiver. Little does he know that I was planning to draft a wide out, anyway. Every so often, I’ll stroke his ego. Derrick Williams, Penn State wide receiver. Come on down and join the party. This is JaMarcus Russell. He will be throwing you the ball. Get used to it fast.

Fourth round is where I may pull a muscle by stretching for Michigan’s Terrance Taylor. He’s a defensive tackle that will put some extra depth and beef on the defensive line. Sometimes, Burnsie, you have to throw a dart and see if it hits. The difference between you and me is that a helpless Raider fan won’t get stabbed in the heart when I throw.

No fifth-round pick, which sucks because I’d be all for South Carolina’s Jasper Brinkley or Oklahoma’s Nic Harris. Fast forward to the sixth round, where Stryker Sulak, a defensive end from Iowa was selected. Sulak would be a great steal … if the Raiders ran a 3-4 defense. But Sulak is WAY undersized to be a 4-3 defensive end in the AFC West (teams with LaDainian Tomlinson, Larry Johnson and, as of right now, Knowshown Moreno). These teams are running, folks. Vance Walker, defensive tackle, Virginia Tech, have a seat, here’s a jersey.

As much as general managers and owners claim a draft is the most difficult part of the job, I just fixed the Raiders with half a draft. Two starters on the offensive line, a possible No. 2 wide receiver and depth on the defensive line. Raiders fans should read this, send it to Burnsie and demand that I take over as general manager of the Oakland Raiders.

The Phoenix has risen, and he’s covered in silver and black.

Detroit Lions Select Matthew Stafford 1st Overall

- Roger Goodell makes his first appearance at the podium before much time ran out. Matthew Stafford just was booed by the crowd. Memo to Donovan McNabb. SHUT UP ABOUT 1999.

- Jack’s Thoughts: “Thank you Detriot for not wasting 15 minutes of our life and allowing St. Louis to be on the clock and speed this up.”

New York Jets Trade Up to Select Mark Sanchez

- Jack’s Thoughts: “Yours truly, in my mock draft, just scored one on the national field by correctly calling for the Jets to take Sanchez via moving up in the draft. Take that Mel Kiper!”

Oakland Raiders Select Darius Heyward-Bay

- Well that’s defintiely a surprise! Over Crabtree? Must be the Raiders. Why not trade back for him if he’s your man, Al Davis? He would’ve still been there at least in the mid-first round if not late first round. The G-Men can’t be thrilled at this one considering they were heavily rumored to want to trade up a few picks for him. Will they move up for Crabtree now?? Stay tuned.

Chargers Select Larry English

- Jack’s Thoughts: “The AFC West race is heating up and it’s only late April. The bigger moron on draft day, the Raiders’ Al Davis or the Bolts’ GM A.J. Smith. Why on earth would Smith take an average outside linebacker (Larry English) from a mid-major conference over Clay Matthews from USC if that’s the route Smith wanted to go??? The Bolts have a ton of depth at LB, even with Merriman a potential question mark coming off knee surgery. This move by Smith rivals the stupidity of Al Davis not seeking value for his pick and taking Heyward-Bey at #7 over Crabtree.”

Post Draft Thoughts on the Eagles Selections