• The Houston Texans — behind their unheralded defense and a rookie quarterback — bested the Cincinnati Bengals (playoff winless since the first Bush took office) and their seriously-playing-not-to-lose (and failing) head coach, his tough defense, and its own rookie quarterback.
• The New Orleans Saints out-gunned and the up-and-coming Detroit Lions, pulling away in the second half of their Saturday night affair.
• The New York Giants — especially their defensive line — looked positively ‘07 and Eli Manning and his receivers again made huge plays when it counted in a demolition of the Atlanta Falcons.
• Oh and someone named Tim Tebow threw all over the best defense in the NFL as the Denver Broncos shocked the Pittsburgh Steelers in overtime of the weekend’s finale. You know, your normal, garden variety shocker.

This was one heavenly stiff arm by Demaryius Thomas, if I do say so myself.

And with that, Wildcard Weekend is in the books. Coincidentally, my playoff preview column is also in the books, and time has not been helpful to it in the least. Each of my four picks against the spread were wrong (maybe today is a good time to explain how I don’t bet on sports) and I led into them with an impassioned plea to retain public enemy number one to the Eagles 2011 Super Bowl hopes, none other than embattled defensive coordinator Juan Castillo.

Let’s ask Mr. Horse what he thinks about my last column.

(Me neither, Mr. Horse. Me neither. Also, a big thank you to Adio Royster for lending me that last joke.)

Luckily, the point of this column is not about my own prognosticative degeneration — feel free to have at it in the comments section at your own leisure — but instead to gripe about a few quirks in the way the NFL does its business.

1. Teams with better records should not be forced to travel to play teams with crappier records.

Did you know that the Sunday games featured 9-7 and 8-8 teams hosting 11-5 and 12-4 teams, respectively? Each won of course. That’s not to say that the Giants and Broncos wouldn’t have won those games on the road — well, maybe the Broncos — but the odds were clearly pushed in their favor by the home field advantage. (The Giants could have won in Atlanta with one arm tied around their collective backs based on the putrid Falcon showing.) The Giants and Broncos “earned” this right because no one else in their terrible divisions finished over .500. Good work, guys!

(Let’s not even talk about last year’s playoffs in which the 12-4 Saints traveled to Seattle to face the 7-9 Seahawks. Of course, we would not have been privy to last season’s Alpha Male Play of the Year. So I guess there are some positives to the way the NFL conducts its playoff seeding.)

2. Can we get rid of ALL inadvertent whistle calls?

Hey NFL, help the referees help themselves please!

For a maniacally successful league, the NFL does as good a job fixing its rules as Congress does before a holiday “recess”. I thought they fixed all of those inadvertent whistle calls a few seasons ago — incorrect. Luckily, for Broncos fans and Tebow lovers everywhere, that little blown call on the incomplete/lateral pass didn’t cost Denver the game yesterday.

Why do the members of the rules committees hamstring the referees with rules like these? Why, for instance, is a referee unable to overturn an obvious blown call because of a technicality when basically every player doesn’t even know that’s the case? I don’t know, and I know a lot of things. (For instance, I know that I am not always humble.)

3. New coaches shouldn’t be allowed to be hired during the playoffs for teams that are still alive.

This, of course, has to do with the hiring of Josh McDaniels in New England minutes after his former team, Denver, became the opponent. Granted, it shouldn’t matter anyway. On paper, the Patriots should handle the Broncos. Yet, the crafty Bill Belichick dialed up the old, hire one of your old employees before a big game with you trick. (I’m guess McDaniels wasn’t willing to part with his old practice video tapes without a job? ZING!)

I suppose with live in a free-market economy in this country, so I shouldn’t complain. Just leave it up to Belichick to look for every angle available in his disposal. Oh, I’d love to have him on my side…

That’s about it. I hope you enjoyed Wildcard Weekend!

New England (-6.5) over DETROIT

You can’t pick against Tom Brady and Bill Belichick against the Detroit Lions (2-8) right? The return of the Death by a Thousand Paper Cuts Offense has the Patriots (8-2) playing like it’s 2004 again — winning games by with an efficient offense. Now if only that defense could find that same early 2000’s magic. Luckily for the Pats, the Shaun Hill magic appears to have run out in the Motor City, making Detroit no match for a team tied for the NFL’s best record.

Now there’s a lot of talk out there about possibly taking the Lions out of their annual Thanksgiving showcase game, all of it completely justifiable. When I was but a young lad, Thanksgiving morning and early afternoon afforded me the opportunity to watch Barry Sanders weave his magic wand on a new opponent every year. Since his retirement, however, Detroit has been pretty much a laughing stock, thus earning the coveted “Worst Team in Football” trophy for much of the last decade. Having to watch their sorry asses get crowned every year on Thanksgiving is really not entertainment.

With that said, I like the NFL’s Thanksgiving tradition of Detroit and Dallas. Call it the Double D tradition on Thanksgiving, and frankly, anyone that doesn’t like having Double D’s shoved in their face on Thanksgiving is not a person I’d like to know! But I’m not in favor of tradition trumping progress. (I mean, I’m a liberal for gosh sakes!) So I propose this: Detroit, you have one more Thanksgiving to turn around your franchise. If you get blown out this year against New England, then I’m sorry, but you’ve lost your right to host your annual Thanksgiving game. If you lose and make it a good game, then you’ve earned the right to try again next year — only next year, you need to win to keep it. In fact, I would love this new system. If you win at home on Thanksgiving, you get to host another Thanksgiving game the following year.

Anyway, the moral of the story: get your act together, Lions. Play a competitive game for once this year on Turkey Day. I just don’t think that will happen this year. Do you really think that the Patriots won’t beat the Lions by at least a touchdown?

DALLAS (+4) over New Orleans

This is a shaky pick. On the one hand, we have an underachieving Saints (7-3) team in second place in its division. On the other hand, there’s an underachieving Cowboys (3-7) team that is in last place in its division and saw its coach get fired. Based upon that logic, only a fool would take Dallas to upset the defending champs.

The fool that I am is picking the Cowboys to win based upon their 24-17 victory over the Saints last year. The Dallas defense dominated the line of scrimmage in that Saturday night affair and gave New Orleans their first loss of the season after starting out 13-0. Plus, Jason Garrett finally has this Cowboys team playing up to its talent level, despite the loss of Tony Romo. A lot of that credit show go to Jon Kitna, but more should go to Dez Bryant and Garrett’s move to get him more involved in the offense. The best praise I can give Bryant is that, as an Eagles fan, he scares the living crap out of me.

On the Saints side, their kicker is completely unreliable (never good), their defense isn’t forcing as many turnovers as last season (justifiable), and their running game is almost non-existent (injuries happen). Those things could all be brushed under the rug if Drew Brees was having the kind of season we’ve grown to expect out of him. Contrary to some of the MVP hype he’s received, Brees has not had an All-Pro season — though one could argue he’s at least played at a Pro Bowl level. His 14 interceptions are third worst in the NFL.

So I’m looking for the Cowboys to upset the Saints in their traditional Thanksgiving showcase.

JETS (-9) over Cincinnati

Last year, the Jets (8-2) laid a whoopin’ on the Bengals (2-8) in back-to-back week’s last year (37-0 in Week 17 and 24-14 in the first round of the playoffs). This year’s Jets team is much improved — thanks to the additions of Santonio Holmes and LaDainian Tomlinson as well as the continued maturity of one Mark “Sanchize” Sanchez — while the Bengals have regained their familiar Bungle stench. Why should Cincinnati avoid a third straight beatdown?

Check back tomorrow for the rest of my Week 12 picks.

The new cover of SI may enrage activists even more, but I say be proud. (SOURCE: Sports Illustrated)

It will most likely get worse as I will be openly rocking a spiffy new Philadelphia Eagles #7 Michael Vick jersey that I got for my birthday this year.  Things should really get interesting as Michael Vick is on the newest cover of Sports Illustrated.

But I have no problem admitting it.  I have no problem being proud of it.  I have no problem of supporting it.

I am a fan of forgiveness.  I am a fan of compassion.  I am a fan of second chances.  Because of said statements, I am a fan of Michael Vick.

Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinions.  The United States of America was founded on a principal of free speech and healthy debates and opinions, which is why I don’t mind pieces like the one Bill Plaschke of the Los Angeles Times told of a former dog of Bad Newz Kennels.  I don’t mind the constant barrage that Michael Vick is subject to by pet owners and pet advocacy groups who can’t stand the fact that Michael Vick may not be loved, but on some level … accepted.

After all, this is America, and everyone is entitled to their opinion.  I am, however, very outspoken when it comes to opinions with blatant double standards.  Let’s be completely honest.  Michael Vick is not the first athlete to ever attempt to resurrect his career after committing a crime.  He certainly won’t be the last, either.

Ray Lewis was accused of murder, yet doesn't meet immense public outcry.

In 2000, Baltimore Ravens linebacker Ray Lewis was arrested in connection to the stabbing deaths of two individuals following a Super Bowl party in Atlanta, Georgia.  Lewis admitted to giving misleading statements to police regarding the murders.  Later that year in June, Lewis was acquitted of the charges and went on to be Super Bowl XXXV MVP in the Ravens 34-7 win over the New York Giants.

Today, Lewis is still lighting people up who dare come over his middle for the Baltimore Ravens, and rarely does the subject of his past come up.  Have fans forgiven Lewis on some level?  Perhaps.  What he did was wrong, of course, but the fact remains that it was in the past.

Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been repeatedly linked to sexual assault of women — a FAR more dubious crime in society — but BenRo has been allowed to pursue and persevere in his profession as an NFL quarterback.  Roethlisberger most recently served a six-game suspension for his latest transgression.  Roethlisberger returned to packed fans at Heinz Field still proudly rocking yellow and black #7’s.

In 2005, Donte' Stallworth was convicted of manslaughter after a fatal DUI accident with a pedestrian.

In the most tragic of arguments, Baltimore Ravens wide receiver Donte’ Stallworth made the worst of mistakes.  In 2005, Stallworth got into a car in Miami with a BAC of .12, turned the key and made his merry way home.  Moments later, Stallworth hit and killed 59-year-old Mario Reyes.  Stallworth was charged with manslaughter and served 24 days of a 30-day sentence.

Where is Stallworth now?  Back on the sidelines in Baltimore getting back to his career — something Roethlisberger has been allowed to do; something Lewis has been allowed to do; something Kobe has been allowed to do.  It’s something Vick has not been allowed to do because unlike the aforementioned athletes, that topic always seems to rear its ugly head — much more so than any of the other athletes mentioned.  (Honestly, when’s the last time you talked about Stallworth’s case?  Compare that to the last time Vick’s crime was brought up in conversation.)

I have had this opinion since Vick was released from prison, and it stands true to this day regardless of his performance.  I will never condone Michael Vick for what he did, but I will never condemn him for a mistake he made in the past, either.  As human beings, we are prone to making mistakes, but the important thing is that we all learn from them.

What NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told the New York Daily News says it all:

“He’s obviously taken responsibility for his actions, been accountable and focuses now on what he can do to make others aware of the fact that you have to conduct yourself properly and make good decisions. I thought the decisions he made with dogfighting were horrific. He’s turning himself in the right direction. For that, I’m very proud of him.”

What Vick did was a terrible, despicable act, and it cost him everything he had when he was sent to prison: job in the NFL, endorsements, fans, etc.  Vick spent 23 months at Leavenworth Federal Prison for his mistake, and he has become a face and a voice for the issue.  For those reasons, he is forgiven in my eyes.  Everyone deserves a second chance, and I’m a Philadelphia Eagles fan extremely proud to give him one.

(Week 6 Picks: 5-8 — ugh. Home team in CAPS.)

Oakland (+7) over PITTSBURGH

Last year, the Oakland Raiders (5-4) strolled into Steel Town and stole a wild game from the defending Super Bowl Champs. Bruce Gradkowski channeled his inner Jim Plunkett and made mince-meat of the shorthanded Steeler defense. Fast-forward to this season, and once again Pittsburgh (6-3) is shorthanded on defense with 3-4 defensive end Aaron Smith out for the season.

On the Oakland side, Gradkowski has been replaced by Jason Campbell — who’s played well lately. The real story, of course, has been the emergence of Darren McFadden — a development three years in the making. I know the Steelers want to bounce back from an embarrassing loss to the Patriots last week on Sunday Night Football, but I think that the Raiders are for year. (Famous last words…)

JETS (-7) over Houston

Wow, my preseason AFC South Champion pick (Houston) sure looks great! The Texans (4-5) have the NFL’s worst pass defense, but you already knew that. Gary Kubiak is headed for unemployment. Maybe he’ll replace Kyle Shanahan as O.C. in Wash? More likely — because what father fires his son? — he ends up as an offensive assistant (see Mornhinweg, Marty in Philadelphia).

Meanwhile for the Jets (7-2), Mark Sanchez is coming of age and making beautiful music with former Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes. That’s a good thing too because last year’s playoff MVP (on the offensive side), Shonn Greene, has been missing in action — at least from the stat sheet. Also MIA, where is the once dominant Neo-46 defense? I know Darrelle Revis has had a rough year, but isn’t this defense better than just one guy? I don’t know — because I haven’t watched too many Jets games this season — but it just doesn’t feel as though this defense is championship caliber right now. Luckily for the Jets and, well, football fans in general, there is still plenty of season left to sort through their issues.

Baltimore (-10) over CAROLINA

South Jersey’s Joe Flacco is coming of age. The Baltimore Raven (6-3) signal caller faced some relentless pressure from Atlanta’s four-man fronts and yet still played well enough to win it at the end. The only problem was that he did not play good enough in the beginning. And all those writers who wrote about how much better Matt Ryan is than Joe Flacco are wrong in my opinion. The real reason that Baltimore lost is because its defense was outplayed by the Atlanta defense. (Read that last sentence again, wow.) The fact is that both quarterbacks are very good and both just so happen to be from the Philly area! (So suck it, Western Pennsylvania!)

Speaking of terrible preseason picks, where did my NFC wildcard Carolina Panthers (1-8) go so wrong?

TENNESSEE (-7) over Washington

I think the Redskins (4-5) will come out and play with a lot of pride in this game. If you take away that disaster first quarter plus from Monday night, Washington played evenly with the Eagles for the rest of the game. Unfortunately for Mike Shanahan’s bunch, that first quarter counts all the same. The reason I’m not picking the Skins is because Donovan McNabb is 0-3 in his career against Jeff Fisher’s Titans. In fact, the only AFC South team McNabb has ever beaten is the Houston Texans (in their ‘02 expansion season and in Week 1 of his hot start in the ‘06 season). So that’s not good news for Skins fans.

This is not an endorsement of the Titans (5-4). I think so lowly of Moss and his cancerous ways that I made a slap bet with my buddy Brandon over whether or not the Titans make the playoffs. I’ve known Brandon since I was three, and we used to get into fights every other day or so it seemed. I know he can slap pretty good, but I don’t care and I’m not worried. Moss is on a roll this season and nothing is going to stop him from bringing down his third team of the season. And you know I’m good at this predictions game, so I should be just fine! (It’s not like I predicted a Phillies/Yankees World Series or the Rangers to defeat the Giants. Oh wait…)

DALLAS (-6.5) over Detroit

What should we think about this game?

Let’s start with Dallas (2-7): Have Jason Garrett’s ‘Boys really turned the corner from playing out the string in early November to becoming the team that nobody wants to play down the stretch in late November and throughout December? Is Dez Bryant making a late case for Offensive Rookie of the Year? Can Jon Kitna continue to play like a guy that’s not named Jon Kitna? Damned if I know.

And how about Detroit (2-7): Does the Shaun Hill Show still have any of that early season magic? Can Jim Schwartz continue to get a good effort from that reconstructed defense? Where on Earth is Jahvid Best? Will someone please surgically repair Matthew Stafford’s gimpy right shoulder? His courageous effort against Cleveland where he threw the game-winning two-point conversion with a separated shoulder might have derailed a promising career.

As Colonel Nathan R. Jessep said in A Few Good Men, my answer is I don’t have the first damn clue, so I’m taking the home team who started the year as a Super Bowl contender over a team that had won two games in the previous two seasons. Unfortunately, it’s the year 2010 and that apparently means that nothing logical will possibly happen in the NFL.

Green Bay (-3) over MINNESOTA

On the surface, this game looks like a slam dunk pick. Green Bay (6-3) is fresh off a bye after allowing just seven points in its last two games against two preseason Super Bowl Contenders, although one of those teams was the dead-man-walking Cowboys. Minnesota (3-6), meanwhile, is fresh off a deflating loss at Soldier Field in which Brett Favre added three interceptions to his league-leading total of 16. Sure seems like a game the Pack should win easily.

Not so fast. This same Packers team was one that needed some questionable officiating and Randy Moss loafing to hold on for a 28-24 victory at home against the Vikes. Now they’re playing in the Metrodome against a Minnesota team that, at 3-6, has its backs to the wall. Not quite a walk in the park, Kazanski, if you catch my drift. (That was a Top Gun reference to those of you that care.)

The problem is that Brett Favre has sucked this year. He’s thrown 16 picks and just 10 touchdown passes — making him the anti-Vick this season. I’m pretty sure that Vikings could get that type of production from Tarvaris Jackson — hell, he might even play better. Even though Brad Childress gets most of the bad press, it’s time to face up to facts and that includes realizing that Favre is retiring one year too late. Factor that in with the hatred that the Vikings have for their head coach and it’s too much to overcome in a division grudge match. Or so I think.

CINCINNATI (-5.5) over Buffalo

The return of Ryan Fitzpatrick! Seriously though, how ironic is it that Fitzpatrick is clearly the better quarterback right now? A 7th-rounder from Harvard outplaying a USC Heisman-winning quarterback who was drafted first overall. Yes Carson Palmer, you should be ashamed of yourself this season. Saddled with Terrell Owens and Chad Eightfive (sorry I don’t speak Spanish), Palmer has somehow managed to throw back-breaking interception after back-breaking interception after back-breaking interception. And that’s just from one game, so don’t forget this back-breaker against Miami and this pick-six last week in Indy. Seriously, haven’t Bengals fans suffered enough?

Now that we’ve covered the Palmer aspect of the Bengals (2-7) demise, let’s not let the Bengals pass defense off the hook. The Cincinnati defense has been quite generous to opposing signal-callers with just nine sacks on the season. Nine sacks! It’s as though the Bengals are treating defense like a 7-on-7 drill. Memo to Cincinnati pass rushers: the quarterback isn’t wearing a red jersey during games!

That being said, I’m picking the Bengals. Why? Because they’re playing the Buffalo Bills (1-8), and NOBODY LOSES GAMES LIKE THE BUFFALO BILLS! (Special thanks to Chris Berman for making an appearance in my picks column this week.)

Cleveland (+1.5) over JACKSONVILLE

This matchup pits two resurgent teams fighting for an AFC playoff berth. The Jaguars (5-4) have the better record, but the Browns (3-6) look like the better team. Cleveland has had one of the league’s toughest schedules to this point and has been in almost every game this season — save for the Pittsburgh game which saw Ben Roethlisberger’s return and Colt McCoy’s first NFL start. McCoy looks like the truth, and the Browns will either be the biggest spoiler or the wildcard team that nobody wants to play.

David Garrard has regained the form he displayed in 2007 when he led Jacksonville to the Divisional Playoffs — where they lost to a then-perfect Patriots team. He’s second in the NFL to Michael Vick in passer rating — ahead of Tom Brady, Peyton Manning, and Drew Brees — so he must be doing something right. Can Maurice Jones-Drew and him surge to the front of the AFC South with the Colts, Titans, and Texans all fading? We’ll see. Just don’t forget that this is the same Jaguars team that lost 28-3 to the Eagles in Week 3.

I wish this was a game I could watch this week, but something tells me I’m going to get stuck watching this next game…

KANSAS CITY (-8) over Arizona

Let’s start with the Chefs. Great googily moogily, Kansas City (5-4) has a great coaching staff. Charlie Weis and Romeo Crennel provide wonderful support for Todd “Temper Tantrum” Haley, who is perhaps the biggest jerk in the coaching profession. A true Bill Belichickian disciple he is. I also love their commitment to the running game — with Jamal Charles, Thomas Jones and the occasional run from Dexter McCluster you better commit to it! Their defense has pride and had shown up to every game this season until last week’s blowout in Denver. The good news from that blowout was that Matt Cassell played very well, even if he is an extremely overpaid journeyman masquerading as a franchise QB.

Haley’s old team, Arizona (3-6), has just looked second-rate this year. If you had told me before the preseason that Derek Anderson and Max Hall would be sharing the starting QB role for the Cardinals, I’d have wondered which surgeon Matt Leinhart had an appointment with in September. But the fact that Leinhart was released so that those two incompetent NFL signal callers could play has me wondering which mental health specialist meets regularly with Ken Wisenhunt. If you think the Cardinals would compensate for their second-rate QBs by pounding the ball with Tim Hightower and Beanie Wells, well think again because Arizona has a 66-34 pass-run ratio this season!!! (Even Andy Reid is blushing at that stat.)

Even if Kansas City is reeling from back-to-back losses to AFC West foes, I can’t in good faith get behind Arizona to win another game this season. In all likelihood they will win a game — this is the 2010 NFL season after all — but I will not be predicting it.

NEW ORLEANS (-11.5) over Seattle

Last year’s party at the Superdome was a lot better wasn’t it? Drew Brees has fallen back to Earth after spending a few seasons in the passing stratosphere, and the New Orleans (6-3) defense is finding out that you don’t force a bajillion turnovers year-in and year-out. Still though, the Saints have a puncher’s chance to repeat as conference champs. In a season of complete and utter disarray, the Saint’s up-and-down play should be good enough to advance to the postseason.

Speaking of up-and-down, let’s talk Seahawks (5-4) football in 2010. Pardon my John Madden, but when the Seahawks play well, they win. When they don’t, they get blown out. In their five wins, the Seahawks average 28 points a game and give up just 15. In the four games they’ve lost, the Seahawks average just seven points a game and have given up 31 per game. Yikes! Something tells me this game will be a Saints blowout.

ATLANTA (-3) over St. Louis

After the Giants were pasted at home by the Cowboys, the Atlanta Falcons (7-2) have assumed their spot as the default best team in the NFC. True they’ve beaten contenders in the Saints and Ravens in tight contests, but they’ve also been blown out at Philly and barely beat a winless 49ers squad at home. Don’t forget that the Saints could’ve/should’ve won their matchup if Nick Hartley had kicked a short field goal to win it. Matt Ryan is definitely the truth, and their pass rush is for real — as evidenced by the beating they put on Flacco on Thursday night — but I still think the Falcons are a sheep in wolf’s clothing. As with everything else, time will tell. Only thing we know for sure is that they are tied for the NFL’s best record and sit in the driver’s seat for homefield advantage throughout the playoffs with a quarterback that’s 18-1 all-time at home.

If the Falcons do indeed continue to play well and secure homefield advantage throughout the playoffs, we might have to consider this crazy scenario: Vick and the Eagles traveling to the Georgia Dome for the NFC Championship Game. (Wowzers!) Vick might be the first athlete in American sports since Jackie Robinson that an NFL player requires secret service detail to play a game. (That last sentence probably just made 99 percent of the people reading this cringe.) But it bears watching if both teams continue on a collision course through the rest of the season.

St. Louis (4-5) has to feel good about its season. Sam Bradford and Steve Spagnuolo have both done a fine job climbing out of the NFL’s basement. Bradford especially deserves my kudos because he had injury/manhood concerns coming into the season, and he’s put them to rest. Any rookie quarterback that starts from day one and looks this good deserves props, and Bradford is no different. I would not be surprised if the Rams stole this one.

SAN FRANCISCO (-3) over Tampa Bay

Troy Smith is a poor man’s Michael Vick, and that’s a good thing. His emergence after finally getting some real playing time has me feeling pretty frisky about the 49ers (3-6). And even though the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-3) remind me a lot of the 2000 Eagles wildcard team, their cross-country trip has me leaning towards the Niners a bit.

NEW ENGLAND (-3.5) over Indianapolis

I’m going to keep this one brief because plenty will be said elsewhere. Injuries have made Peyton Manning and the Colts (6-3) look human, and New England (7-2) is an imperfect team that still somehow is tied with the Falcons and Jets for the best record in the NFL. In an imperfect NFL season, the team with the fewest faults is king. The Patriots should have fewer things going against it than the shorthanded Colts.

PHILADELPHIA (-3) over Giants

“Do you believe it now, Trinity?”

Just like Morpheus, I have been touting Michael Vick as The One ever since his dramatic second-half comeback against Green Bay. (I say his second-half comeback because, well, he did it almost singlehandedly.) I mistakenly referred to the situation as a quarterback controversy (and we all did) because as the weeks went on, Vick just got better. He was playing so well before his rib injury that I was even telling my friends that Vick was Steve Young 2.0. People laughed at me then, but now the whole football world has seen what I (and a few other Eagles fans) saw in him.

“He .. is .. the .. one.”

As an Eagles (6-3) fan, I am obviously pumped for this game, but even the casual football fan should be excited for this game. The top quarterback in the NFL right now against the top defense in the NFL right now — the immovable force meeting the irresistible object — with control over the NFC East on the line. You know it’s a big deal when it trumps the annual Indy-New England game for Sunday Night Football.

For the Giants (6-3) to win this game, they need to stop another potential midseason swoon and quiet the ghosts of the disappointing ‘08 and ‘09 seasons. Eli Manning and the Giants receivers can’t give up any turnovers, and it’s doubly imperative for New York to get good pressure on Vick. The Buccaneers and Eagles used to have a lot of success back in the day against Vick by getting pressure on him. The caveat to that was that each team also had a great pass defenders in the secondary and could take away his receivers as well. Can that same philosophy work against Vick of 2010 and the uber talented Eagles receiving corps, we’ll find out. But if any team in the NFL can get consistent pressure on Vick it’s the G-Men.

The scary thing for the NFL (and by contrast the AWESOME thing for Eagles fans) is that it may not matter what the Giants do. Back in his Atlanta days, Vick knew he was an All-Time talent, but he never applied himself in the way that the All-Time Greats have to. All it took was disgracing his name, losing his financial fortune, and spending two seasons of his prime behind bars — no big deal! Now that he’s showing us all his true potential, Andy Reid and the rest of Philadelphia the ones that are reaping the considerable benefits of it all. (And I’m enjoying it.)

“There’s a difference between knowing the path … and walking the path.”

Well said, Morpheus.

SAN DIEGO (-10) over Denver

Two things are working San Diego’s favor heading into this game:

1. The Chargers (4-5) are in midseason form after their usual maddeningly slow start.
2. Phil Rivers is having his usual MVP-caliber performance, only this year the national media is finally giving him his due. Imagine how well he’d be playing if Vincent Jackson didn’t hold out…

Four things are working in Denver’s favor heading into this game:

1. Last week brought needed relief to the team’s 3-14 slide since its shocking 6-0 start to the ‘09 season.
2. Knowshon Moreno ran like a first round pick last week. Like McFadden, the hopes of this AFC West also-ran rest on his swift legs.
3. Kyle Orton continues to outplay Jay Cutler. Is that really notable though? To me that’s like saying that Rutgers is playing better than South Florida in college football. Congrats!!
4. San Diego’s completely apathetic fan base couldn’t sell out this game, so it will be blacked out on Monday Night Football! Unfucking believable that I’ll have to buy tickets to watch this game. (Coincidentally, this was the game that my girlfriend and I were going to go to until she decided to move back East in October. So that’s a bit of a negative too just not necessarily for the Chargers…

Apparently two is greater than four in this instance as I’m picking the Chargers to cover this 10-point spread. I won’t know because I can’t watch this game! Thank you, NFL owners. (Update: Apparently the Chargers did sell out. Sweet, now I can watch Monday Night Football!)

Enjoy Week 11, everyone, for it comes just once a year!

So gives with the lack of elite teams in an uncapped season? Mediocrity reigns supreme as the 2010 season has thus far been defined by flawed teams. Take those aforementioned Jaguars. In Week 3, Jacksonville was on the wrong end of a 28-3 blowout against the Eagles. One week later, the Jags upset the defending AFC-Champion Colts on an incredible 59-yard field goal by Josh Scobee. So one week this team is headed towards a top-5 draft pick, and the next it’s knocking off one of the NFL’s best teams. That’s the 2010 NFL season in nutshell.

Maybe then 2010 is just one of those transition years when the balance in the NFL shifts, leaving teams on an even keel. It’s possible the absence of a salary cap even played a role in this. Some teams — Chicago, for instance — were able to use their new-found financial advantage to eliminate some talent gaps, while others with more limited resources — i.e. Green Bay — might have more trouble handling injuries with less depth. It makes sense at least logically, but who knows how accurate it is.

Still there have been transition seasons in the NFL before. At the start of every decade, established teams seem a little long in the tooth while forgotten franchises, with youthful talent, begin knocking them off more consistently. Each coach is hoping that his club on the right end of those upswings, while the ones that know their teams are on the downswing are hoping they have the necessary reinforcements to help keep the good times rolling. As always, injuries and misfortune throw some curve balls into the mix.

The Washington Redskins won the 1991 Super Bowl behind unlikely MVP Mark Rypien (SI)

Take 1991, for instance, when the Washington Redskins went 13-3 and won the Super Bowl with Mark Rypien at quarterback. Rypien was the league’s MVP that season, but he came out of nowhere to do so and soon faded back to obscurity in the ensuing years. This was aided of course by major injuries to a few star quarterbacks (Joe Montana and Randall Cunningham), but Washington sit had a brief run atop the football world. This all occurred between the height of the San Francisco dynasty (a veteran team in need of reinforcements) and the Dallas Mini-Dynasty (a young team not yet seasoned enough for a run at the Lombardi Trophy). The funny thing is the Redskins actually made a dynasty of their own out of winning in down seasons. They won their other Lombardi Trophies in two strike years (‘82 and ‘87) and did so the second time with Doug Williams at quarterback and unknown rookie Timmy Smith at tailback. That’s opportunism at its finest right there, and something that politicians in Washington D.C. could learn from.

Anyway, later on in 1999, two unlikely teams — the Rams and Titans — met in the Super Bowl. The next season, the Champion Baltimore Ravens rode their historic defense to another unlikely Super Bowl matchup against their equally unlikely opponent, the Giants. Neither the Ravens nor the Giants, at least with that nucleus of players, made it back to the promised land after some younger and ultimately more talented teams (Patriots, Colts, and Eagles) matured in the coming seasons.

Now here we are a little over a quarter through the season and we are only getting our first clues to which teams are elite and which are not. Three AFC teams — Pittsburgh, Baltimore, and the Jets — are appear to be ahead of the pack, but each has its question marks at the quarterback position — nothing minor in that. Meanwhile, the NFC is a wide open as ever as almost any team is capable of winning on any given Sunday, excluding the Carolina Panthers of course.

As for how this relates to the Eagles, I view this as only a positive. The NFL in 2010 is a league of average, where even the top teams have question marks at the quarterback position. The optimist in me wonders if Vick — an MVP candidate pre-injury — might be the sleeper of the NFL season. King Vick in the Reign of Mediocrity <– I like the sound of that. Unfortunately, that defense needs to get its act together or Vick’s magic will not be good enough. The point is that the possibility is there. The Eagles can hope for greatness this season.

Or what about McNabb and those Redskins, can they rise again from the ashes of mediocrity? Or will the Giants again rise to the top of the NFC? Or is Baltimore again the team to beat for the title? Maybe Pittsburgh is just in the middle of its own dynasty, ready to add another Lombardi Trophy to an already packed trophy case… and so on. Almost any team can make that argument.

In the Reign of Mediocrity, there are no clear-cut favorites.

NFL Week 6 Picks

Week 5 Picks: 10-4 (BOO-YOW)
Season record: 18-26 (missed Week 2 and 3)
Home teams in CAPS.

CHICAGO (-6.5) over Seattle

Chicago was one of the franchises that benefits the most from the un-capped year, and the Bears threw a lot of money around in the offseason to woo alpha-male Julius Peppers. If Cutler doesn’t throw four interceptions — still a possibility — it’s hard to imagine the Bears aren’t at least a touchdown better than the Seahawks. Speaking of Seattle, this is a big week for Pete Carroll. Good NFL coaches have their teams ready after the bye week. If Carroll hopes to mimmick his success in the college ranks, he’ll have to do so by taking care of business on the road after a bye week.

Prove to me you’re for real, Seattle, because I don’t trust you to win on the road. Not yet.

NEW ENGLAND (-2.5) over Baltimore

This has revenge game written all over it. The Ravens embarrassed the Patriots in Foxboro last January to the tune of a 33-14 blowout victory. These may not be the Patriots of last decade, but Tom Brady and Bill Belichick are still in town, and I don’t think they take kindly to embarrassing blowout losses. See 2003 season series with the Buffalo Bills.

Stated in another way: Prove to me you’re a legitimate Super Bowl contender, Baltimore. Championship teams win tough games like this one the road, and something tells me that New England will not let Ray Rice and company rush for 234 yards again. So Joe Flacco will likely need to win this one with his arm.

GIANTS (-10.5) over Detroit

This line may seem a bit high at first glance, but I think it’s dead-on. The Giants are firing on all cylinders while Detroit may have shot its wad in last week’s blowout win over the Rams. Even though I’m picking against them this week, I am nonetheless impressed by this Lions team. Despite losing its starting quarterback in Week 1, Detroit nearly started 3-2 against a fairly difficult schedule (Chicago, Philly, Minnesota, Green Bay, Rams). It speaks to how far the Lions have gone after years being talent-challenged under the historically inept Matt Millen years.

This pick is more about how I feel about the Giants, who appear to be playing some of the best football in the NFL right now. Their embarrassment of the Bears last Sunday night, which reminded me of the Winston Justice Experience at left tackle in ‘07 when Osi Umenyiora had six of the Giants’ NFL-record 12 sacks off Donovan McNabb in another Week 4 Sunday Night Football game, and last week’s demolition of the Texans in Houston were each major statements. Looks like Tom Coughlin wasn’t just spewing coach-speak when he said the better team lost after New York’s Week 3 defeat at the hands of Tennessee.

Also, as crazy as this sounds, I think it’s time we all stop dumping on Eli Manning. OK! OK! I didn’t mean it’s time for us Eagles fans to stop saying that he sucks or anything like that. What I meant to say is that Manning should now officially be recognized by neutral observers as one of the NFL’s top quarterbacks. I felt calling him that in the past — save for his uncharacteristically steady play in the ‘07 playoffs — was a bit premature. Congrats, Giants fans, for an event seven years in the making!

Atlanta (+1.5) over PHILLY

The Eagles defense is a bit of a liability right now. The Falcons just have too much balance on offense for the inconsistent, we-can-shut-down-your-ground-game-or-passing-game-just-not-both Eagles defense. If Mike Vick were starting, he might be able to overcome it. And while Kevin Kolb isn’t a liability, he isn’t a game-changer either. A healthy and effective Vick at quarterback could swing the tide in Philly’s favor.

PITTSBURGH (-13.5) over Cleveland

This line can’t really be high enough. The odds-makers could get college football on us, and I’d still take Pittsburgh. Cleveland is throwing a rookie quarterback in Colt McCoy in the lineup against perhaps the NFL’s best pass defense. A rusty Ben Roethlisberger or not, the Steelers should win this one several times over. By the way, is it just me or does a Rusty Roethlisberger sound like one of those goofy “Dirty Sanchez” type things? I think I’ll stop here before I say anything I might will later regret. Anyway, like I said before, I digress…

McCoy’s first-ever NFL start could get ugly quick, rusty trombone — I mean Roethlisberger — aside.

Miami (+1.5) over GREEN BAY

Miami is coming off a bye week, and Green Bay is coming off a flat overtime loss to Washington. I think the Dolphins can steal one here from an injury-plagued Packers team.

San Diego (-8.5) over ST. LOUIS

I trust the Chargers to win this game on the road, but there aren’t many other places I’d feel comfortable saying that. Wide receiver Mark Clayton’s injury is nothing short of devastating to this young and promising Rams team. He clicked instantly with Sam Bradford, and I think his loss will set back the offense at least briefly.

Of course, San Diego’s special teams could crap the bed for the third time this season…

TAMPA BAY (+5.5) over New Orleans

We know two things here.

1. The Buccaneers can play.
2. The Saints are having trouble covering the spread.

Now I’m not saying the Bucs will win this game outright, but they should at least make this one very interesting.

HOUSTON (-4.5) over Kansas City

Don’t let this pick fool you; the Chiefs are for real. I just like the matchup here for Houston. The Texans’ weakness is pass defense whereas Kansas City’s weakness is passing offense. So that’s a wash. And as good as the Chiefs defense is, I can’t see them holding back a Texans offense that can beat them on the ground or in the air.  Not to mention the fact that the Texans got embarrassed last week at home. I don’t see Houston coming out flat two weeks in a row, do you?

Oakland (+6.5) over SAN FRANCISCO

Why not?

Jets (-3.5) over BRONCOS

Still not sold on Denver. The Jets have to be too good on defense to allow a one-dimensional passing offense to beat them, right?

Dallas (+1.5) over MINNESOTA

Lots of things going on in this game.

• Rematch of last year’s divisional game.
• Both teams are fading from the playoff picture.
• Wade Phillips under fire — at least from the media.
• Brett Favre penis-gate.
• Randy Moss trade.
• Chilly.

If you’re a gambling person, I would stay away from this game. Personally, I’m playing for a tie.

Indianapolis (-3.5) over WASHINGTON

This is Washington’s shit-or-get-off-the-pot game. Either the Redskins are a good team and make a good game of it, or they’re posers and will get blown out by Peyton Manning at home. There’s really no in-between here. (By the way, that’s two poop references in this post if you’re counting.)

Tennessee (-3.5) over JACKSONVILLE

Ditto for the Jaguars. If Jacksonville has any postseason aspirations, it needs to beat the Titans at home. While they might play well, I’m not expecting a win for the home crowd, not with Chris Johnson in the national spotlight. But if there’s any team that can prove me wrong, it’s the Jacksonville Jaguars in the Reign of Mediocrity.

I’ve alluded in previous columns to the Sports Fan Season, and I think today is a fine day to go through it in detail. Just remember that not all months are created equally. Sure I’ll trickle in some comments on how each month stacks up, and for shits and giggles, I’ll let Family Guy’s Glenn Quagmire chime in as well.

January

• College Football Bowl Games
• NFL Playoffs
• NHL (Winter Classic)
• NBA
• College Hoops

Dr. Sports Fan: Not a bad way to start the year out, with the major college bowl games and the NHL’s Winter Classic all on a packed New Year’s Day lineup. Luckily for us, January is just getting started with the BCS National Championship Game and the NFL playoffs all on tap. Hockey and basketball fans will also have plenty to keep them comfy during one of the year’s coldest months.

Glen Quagmire: Giggidy.

February

• Super Bowl
• NHL
• NBA
• College Hoops
• MLB Spring Training

DSF: The dead of winter is also the dead of the Sports Fan Season. After the NFL playoff conclude with the Super Bowl, all you can do is sit next to the fire and watch some regular season hockey and basketball. The good news: Pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training in mid-to-late February.

Quagmire: Hey guys, what’s going on? I was just jerki … ed out of a deep sleep.

March

• March Madness
• NHL
• NBA
• MLB Spring Training

DSF: In like a lamb and out like a lion, March is a month of rebirth in the sports calendar. Sure pitchers and catchers (as well as outfielders and infielders) reported last month, but March is when most of the Grapefruit and Cactus League games are played. So that’s good, but the real story of this month is March Madness — conference tournaments and the granddaddy of all postseason tournaments, the 64 (or is it 65 or 68?!) team tournament that crowns the NCAA basketball champion.

Quagmire: Giggidy Giggidy Goo!

April

• Final Four
• Stanley Cup Playoffs
• NBA Playoffs
• MLB

DSF: Just as the weather outside begins to warm, the sports fan season turns up the heat considerably in April. First you have the NCAA Final Four and National Championship Game, and just a few weeks later, the two-month quest for Lord Stanley’s Cup and NBA Championship begins. Did I mention baseball’s opening day?

Quagmire: Giggidy Giggidy!

May

• Stanley Cup Playoffs
• NBA Playoffs
• MLB

DSF: Both the hockey and basketball playoffs advance to deeper rounds and the play amps up. Baseball, meanwhile, continues its steady pace into the summer.

Quagmire: Alright!

June

• Stanley Cup Finals
• NBA Finals
• MLB
• College World Series

DSF: NCAA baseball delivers aluminum heaven during the College World Series, and Major League Baseball nears the dog days of summer. But right before summer officially starts and kids begin vacation, the NHL and NBA seasons reach their climax and deliver their championship teams. Two champions for you the sports fan, call it the sports fan summer threesome!

Quagmire: [Entering a lesbian bar] Hey ladies sorry, wouldn’t wanna come between you… or would I?

July

• MLB
• NFL Training Camps

DSF: The dog days of summer. You know its bad when NFL practices are much-anticipated.

Quagmire: (Could not be reached for comment while vacationing on his “Wannabango”.)

August

• MLB
• NFL Preseason
• Little League World Series
• College Football Kicks Off

DSF: With the dog days of summer in our rear-view mirror, pennant fever begins and the MLB standings become increasingly important. Meanwhile, the NFL excitement amps up as actual games begin play — albeit anticlimactic preseason ones. I don’t have a sister, but I reckon watching preseason games is more like kissing her than a tie game. Just my opinion — that’s all. Should kissing your sister be of no interest to you (the world thanks you), College Football kicks off at the end of the month! If you’re interested in watching the kiddies (you’re sick), you’re also in luck because you can watch the Little League World Series this month. All jokes aside, the Little League World Series is a pretty cool thing to watch on TV.

Quagmire: Hi, Meg. Eighteen yet?

September

• MLB
• College Football
• NFL Kicks Off
• NHL Preseason

DSF: The NFL regular season officially kicks off, and American sports fans rejoice! Just don’t sleep on College Football Saturdays and the MLB pennant chase as well as players chasing milestones. The countdown to the Most Wonderful Time of the Sports Fan Season is officially underway.

October

• MLB Playoffs
• College Football
• NFL
• NHL
• NBA Preseason

DSF: With all due respect to Santa Claus, this is the Most Wonderful Time of the Year. Baseball is at its postseason best, football is firmly entrenched in our hearts and minds, hockey games start to count, and tall black men begin to lace up their Converses. It’s the hap-happiest season of allllllll.

Quagmire: GIGGIDY, GIGGIDY, GOO GOO GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

November

• World Series
• College Football
• NFL
• NHL
• NBA
• College Hoops tip off

DSF: Let the good times roll! Late October and early November are the only times during the calendar year that all four major sports play in games that count as baseball crowns its World Series Champion a week after basketball season tips off. Plus, America is given the special bonus of three Thanksgiving football games. Turkey and pigskin? You KNOW It!

Quagmire: GIGGIDY, GIGGID–Oh, I think I soiled myself.

December

• Mid-Major Bowl Games
• NFL
• NHL
• NBA
• College Hoops

DSF: College football begins its deluded portion of the Bowl Game slate. These games are only fun for the fans of the 6-6 teams that play in them. (And this is why we don’t have a playoff system in college football?!) Luckily, the NFL regular season comes to its conclusion, and the games take on added meaning. The NHL, NBA, and College Hoops are there during the week to keep us entertained — albeit in games without really any postseason significant. Where would we be without some good holiday cheer at the end of the month to take our minds off the decline of the Sports Fan Season?

Quagmire: I’ve got a question for you: Why are you still here?

Good question. Stop reading this, get off your computer, and begin to enjoy the Sports Fan Season at its finest!

“Kickass!”

“Heaven.”

Seven years and 13 games later, these are how some of my loyal readers who happen to be rabid Raiders fans are feeling after Oakland’s 35-27 win over the San Diego Chargers this past Sunday.

On a sunny Sunday afternoon at the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum, Raiders fans were able to smile with pride in the same way that they did on Sunday, September 28, 2003.  That’s not a typo … September 28 … 2003!  Think about that.  There are children living in the Oakland metropolitan area who have never witnessed the Raiders beating the Chargers.  Their parents have lived in the shame that they’ve subjected their pride and joy to an ownership of colossal proportions.

(Okay, let me stop dumping on Raiders fans because that’s not what this piece is about.)

There are no words in the English language to describe the feeling of getting a win over a team that has treated you like Vic Morrow treated LeVar Burton in “Roots”.  As a fan of a team who were property of another in the late 80s/early 90s – see Eagles/Cowboys rivalry and my disdain for almost anyone from the state of Texas – I honestly feel for these fan bases in the same way that I feel for high school freshmen who get mercilessly picked on by seniors on their first day.

This look on Raiders fans' faces has been familiar when they face the San Diego Chargers.

It’s bad enough Raiders fans get picked on for having a zombie for an owner, a guy who punched out an assistant as a head coach and a quarterback who just never seems to get a break (seriously, the Raiders should have been starting Gradkowski after JaMarcus Russel’s second season).  They have to deal with the realization twice a year that they will never get a certain 228 pound monkey named Philip Rivers off their back.

Many of my Raiders readers probably woke up the same way they have been for the last seven years when it is “Chargers Weekend” up in Oakland.  They’re hopeful for a win, but prepared for inevitability.  Why would it be any different?

Five minutes into the game … it’s 12-0 Oakland after back-to-back blocked San Diego punts.  (If Chargers special teams coach Steve Crosby isn’t a checker at VONS by the time this article is complete, I’ll be amazed, by the way.) Raiders fans are starting to rejoice like Red Sox fans did after Johnny Damon hit his first of two home runs in game 7 the ’04 ALCS causing Chargers fans to panic similar to the ’04 Yankees.

Special teams was about the only thing to cheer about since the offense was only running on half power.  Gradkowski was 1-7 for 14 yards, but Michael Bush was gashing the Chargers early finishing with 104 yards on 26 carries.  A Mike Tolbert fumble with about 2:40 to go in the first kept the momentum going Oakland’s way until Nnamdi Asomugha forgot how to play cornerback, apparently (Malcolm Floyd: 154 yards receiving in the FIRST HALF).  An Antonio Gates touchdown here, a Mike Tolbert touchdown there and it was business as usual at the half with the Chargers up 17-15.

Even though the Raiders were only down by two, the Chargers had the momentum going into the second half, and even with Jason Campbell in at quarterback – a man who as it seems I misguidedly praised before the start of the season – there was some positivity in the Black Hole.

Seriously!?! Anyone wanna cover #80? Anyone at all! - (SOURCE: Yahoo! News)

7:38 left in the third quarter – Malcolm Floyd is running free.  “Ohhhh, s*&!”.  Chargers lead 24-15.  If you look at the replay of that touchdown, I think you can actually see Floyd taking a dump on the Raiders secondary at about the two yard line before trotting into the end zone.  That’s how wide open he was!

Down 24-15, I saw something out of the Raiders that I honestly haven’t seen in a long time in this series – resiliency.  Right about then is where the old Raiders would have shown up and lay over, but Jason Campbell and Michael Bush channeled their inner Owen Hart (circa Nation of Domination) with an impressive 13 play, 97 yard drive that was basically just the Raiders giving Norv Turner and the Chargers the good old “Hawaiian Peace Sign”.

San Diego of course responded with a quick drive leading to a Nate Kaeding field goal to make it 27-22, but again, the Raiders and their fans showed some unseen resiliency.  Finally!  We have a Jason Campbell sighting that made him one of “My Guys” this year.  On the Raiders ensuing drive, Campbell called on the spirit of Jeff Hostetler to help him go 5-5 for 43 yards.  Michael Bush rumbled into the end-zone with 3:39 left to put the Raiders up 28-27.

Facebook pretty much puts it in perspective as these were some of the status updates I received after:

“OMG RAIDERS!”

“Could this be it?  Could this finally be the one?!?”

“If the Raiders come back and win, I will donate blood to Al Davis.”

As joyous of an occasion this was for Raiders fans, calm needed to be exercised.  After all, they were in this situation last year on Monday night after JaMarcus Russell found Louis Murphy late to give the Raiders the lead.  These were still the Chargers, the team that owns you, and this was still Philip Rivers, a guy that with 3:33 left had 366 yards passing.

Raiders fans had entered the “Bob Uecker Zone” (a moment where you just know something bad could happen).  Rivers rushes for 14 on first down.  Next play, Rivers throws to Floyd for 13.  After an incompletion, back-to-back completions of five and six gave Raiders fans a sinking feeling.  Then, it finally happened.  Something FINALLY went Oakland’s way.  Rivers hit by Michael Huff – sorry, folks, his arm was empty when it went forward – Branch picks it up and goes 64 yards for the clincher.

Rejoicing.

Happiness.

Tears.

Not sure if DT Tommy Kelley is crying in this picture, but even if he is, he gets a pass. (SOURCE: Yahoo! News)

Exercising demons is one thing, but doing it in a manner that was just so uncharacteristic for this team made it even more special to fans.  One of my best friends described the moment as “hyphy” which is what I’m assuming he got after the win (he’s probably hung over from celebrating as I write this), and why not?  The Oakland Raiders gave their fans something they hadn’t gotten in a long time.

Probably the best way to sum up the feeling of an entire fan base comes from my man, Gonzo, who said:

“It feels like I’m 16, and I just lost my virginity.”

Yup.  These are Raiders fans, and they’re also some of my readers.

Scott Bakula, Sinbad, Jason Bateman, and Kathy Ireland could play on the Panthers right?

I’m not a big fan of subjective rankings, so I figured I’d approach this rankings column a bit differently. In a season in which no teams have really separated from the pack, I went with more of a tiered ranking system. And if that means I get to throw in some quotes from one of my favorite college football movies, Necessary Roughness, then so be it.

Never heard of Necessary Roughness? First, shame on you. If you like football movies about an over-matched underdog with a nice comedic subtext, then Necessary Roughness is for you. Brief synopsis: fictional Texas State, the defending national champion, was found to have committed virtually every NCAA violation known to man and as such are stripped of all their football scholarships. A old-school, by-the-book coach takes over and begins to rebuild the program with walk-ons. When they realize that Division I quarterbacks don’t just walk-on to teams, the assistant coach recruits an old high school legend named Paul Blake. Blake, now in his mid 30s, passed on the opportunity to play big time college football to work the farm when his father died. After that, I’ll bet you can put the pieces together.

So with that in mind, here are my quarter pole NFL power rankings told through Necessary Roughness quotes.

“Now, let’s analyze what’s been working for us. [Long pause] NOT A GOD DAMN THING!”

Really a matter of opinion here as any of these three teams — Carolina Panthers (32), Buffalo Bills (31), Detroit Lions (30) — are deserving of the coveted 32nd spot. Brownie points to the Lions for nearly winning in Week 1 on that atrocious review of Calvin Johnson’s game-winning touchdown grab and nearly coming back to defeat the Eagles in Week 2. Buffalo also gets higher (for lack of a better word) grades than Carolina for taking it to New England in Week 3. The Panthers just ab-so-lute-ly suck.

“Hey Armadillo Fans! This is Chuck Neiderman. The voice of the Fighting Armadillos! This season, your football team needs more than your support. So if any of you listeners can punt, pass, block or kick, then report to the gymnasium at 3 o’clock sharp for open football tryouts.”

The Oakland Raiders (29) could/should be 2-2 if Sebastian Janikowski could have kicked a chip-shot game-winner two weeks ago in Arizona. That’s okay though, because at least Bruce Gradkowski is a more established quarterback than any of the quarterbacks left on the Arizona Cardinals (28) roster. Kurt Warner and Matt Leinart are long gone, Derek Anderson has already been benched, and an undrafted rookie named Max Hall is now the Cardinals starting quarterback. Hope you enjoyed having a competitive football team the last two years, Cardinals fans, because the “Golden Era” of Arizona football is over.

Yeah, I know the Jacksonville Jaguars (27) beat the Colts at home, but been there done that. But when you lose 28-3 to the Eagles at home, you’re a bad team. Now can we please move this team already to Los Angeles so it can sell out some home games.

By the transitive property — the Rams beat the Redskins, the Redskins beat the Eagles, and the Eagles beat the Jaguars — St. Louis (26) is a better team than Jacksonville. As irrelevant as that information is, that’s the reason I ranked the Rams above the Jaguars.

Since we’re a quarter of the way through the 2010 season, preseason predictions can no longer outweigh on-the-field performance. The San Francisco 49ers (25) are only as good as their winless record. Even though they were the prohibitive division favorites and may well be the best winless team, the Niners are currently on pace for a 0-16 season. Amazingly, Alex Smith is not the one holding this team back.

Suzanne Carter: “You got in all five W’s; what, where, when, why and especially the who.”
Student: “As in who gives a shit!”

Ah yes, here are the teams of 2010 that appear to be on the fast track towards mediocrity. Pete Carroll’s Seattle Seahawks (24) are tied for first in the NFC West — where average becomes exceptional, the Cleveland Browns (23) lead the league in moral victories, and the Denver Broncos (22) aren’t sure if they’re good or bad.

Coach Gennero: “Wally, did you hire an Assistant Coach without telling me?”
Coach Rig: “No, I found a Quarterback without telling you.”
Coach Gennero: “Well, I hope he gets younger as he gets closer.”

Injuries and age have seemingly gutted this Minnesota Vikings (21) team after last year’s run to the NFC Championship Game. Brett Favre needs a tall receiver that can go get the ball. [Insert Randy Moss.] OK. Let’s see how this plays out.

Jarvis Edison: “How many timeouts do we have left?”
Paul Blake: “Three.”
Jarvis Edison: “Can we take ‘em all now”

Ladies and gentleman, Andy Reid in his 12th season as the head coach of the Philadelphia Eagles (20). Although they could be included with the next bunch, we have to give Big Red some credit for his being the WORST CLOCK-MANAGER IN NFL HISTORY.

“Linemen, you gotta give Blake at least four-god-damn-seconds to throw the ball.”

The Washington Redskins (19) have 8-8 written all over them. Without many talented skill position players, an undermanned offensive line, and McNabb’s penchant for severe inaccuracy, teams like the Rams can steal a game against this team. The good thing with McNabb is that there’s also a chance you might steal a game against a better opponent. (Yes, Redskins fans, I know all about how maddening your season is about to become.)

Maybe this is too low a ranking. Either way, I don’t think the Dallas Cowboys (18) will be holding up the Lombardi Trophy in New Texas Stadium come February. Not with that offensive line. Ditto for the Chicago Bears (17), whose “uh o-line” was embarrassed on Sunday Night Football by the resurgent New York Giants (16) defensive line. All of these teams have the potential for greatness in ‘10, but their offensive lines will likely keep each of them from achieving it.

“Wally call me crazy but I’ve got a funny feeling about tonight’s game. Maybe we’ve got a shot.”

You could argue for a higher or lower ranking here for both the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (15) and the Kansas City Chiefs (14), but until I see otherwise, these two teams deserve average rankings. Kudos to Raheem Morris for telling all the NFL experts where they can shove their preseason picks — this was not supposed to be an average team.

And we would be remiss for not crediting Scott Pioli, Todd Haley, Charlie Weis, and Romeo Crennel for quickly turning around the Chiefs, who are amazingly the NFL’s last remaining unbeaten team. If they reach 4-0, then I ranked them way too low.

“A 94-yard kickoff return for a touchdown could give the Colts a false sense of confidence going into the second minute of play.“

The Miami Dolphins (13) special team players are anything but special.

“I don’t wanna put any undue pressure on you guys, but Coach Gennero’s last words were, win or I’ll die.”

It’s shit or get off the pot time for these next three teams.

Let’s start with the Cincinnati Bengals (12). With such a stellar defense, all Marvin Lewis needs is a B game from Carson Palmer. The problem with that is that Palmer has been bringing his C-minus game for the past few seasons now. All he has to do is move the chains, avoid picks, and hand the damn ball off to Cedric Benson 30 times a game. Instead, with Terrell Owens and Chad Ochocinco split out wide, Palmer probably feels compelled to throw the ball around a bit. The pre-ACL injury Palmer would be chomping at the bit for this opportunity. Sadly, he was killed, and this newer, crappier Palmer model is masquerading as a franchise quarterback in his place.

The Tennessee Titans (11), meanwhile, have no business losing to a team like the Broncos if they’re to be one of the AFC’s elite. Problem with that logic is that Tennessee is only elite at annoying the hell out of opposing teams. Like I said last week, the Titans are a team of Matthew Barnaby’s and Tie Domi’s — instigators that thrive on getting under the other teams’ skin. Maybe the Predators should take a lesson or two from Jeff Fisher’s bunch.

What’s up with the San Diego Chargers (10)? Will the real San Diego Chargers please stand up. I repeat. Will the real San Diego Chargers please stand up. We’re going to have a problem here… because the Chargers apparently cannot win on the road. Maybe letting your star wide receiver and starting left tackle hold out instead of signing them to contracts during an uncapped year actually hurts your team. Just don’t ask San Diego general manager A.J. Smith, a.k.a. the Lord of No Rings as he’s known throughout the NFL. As you might imagine, Mr. Smith isn’t very popular in America’s Finest City.

Suzanne Carter: “We’re consenting adults.”
Dean Elias: “So were Bonnie and Clyde.”

With Tom Brady’s long locks and his relationship with Gisele taking most of the pub, the subpar New England Patriots (9) defense has been the team’s Achilles heel. As good as the Pats are on offense and special teams (wow, are they good on special teams), New England will probably be home early come January without a stellar defensive unit. I mean if Mark Sanchez, Ryan Fitzpatrick, and Chad Henne are slicing and dicing your secondary, just imagine what Peyton Manning, Ben Roethlisberger, and Matt Schaub can do to it.

“You’re hurt. You’re tired. You’re bleeding. But I’m gonna make you a promise. When we get into that endzone, you’re not gonna feel any pain.”

This classic pep talk from Paul Blake illustrates was a true leader at quarterback. Here are some other teams with quarterbacks capable of leading their teams to Super Bowl glory.

Head coach Ed Gennero knows that a good quarterback, like Paul Blake, can make a real difference.

The Indianapolis Colts (8) always have trouble in Jacksonville, but that hasn’t prevented the Colts from winning 12 games each season since the end of George W. Bush’s first term in office. Still, something tells me that 12 wins are not in the cards this year. That’s because of the Houston Texans (7). The Texans survived the first four games without the reigning NFL Rookie of the Year in Brian Cushing. With him back in the fold, the Texans are an even more formidable opponent for the AFC South Championship.

Things are also looking up for the Atlanta Falcons (6). Still would have liked to have seen a more dominant victory over the reeling Niners, who had to travel cross-country and play an early game. Maybe it just goes to show you how close the 25th 6th ranked teams are in the NFL.

The New Orleans Saints (5) would be 4-0 right now if Garrett “Laces Out” Hartley made his gimme field goal in overtime two weeks ago against Atlanta — hence the higher ranking. Most concerning for Who Dat Nation is how ordinary the Saints have played. They just don’t look dominant and don’t have that Super Bowl feeling of the ‘09 team. As such the Green Bay Packers (4) are the best NFC team by default.

“I don’t feel so good. I think I swallowed a finger.”

The three favorites all reside in the AFC, and each has a nasty, menacing defense. That’s why I chose this wonderful line from Evander Holyfield, who had a small cameo as a member of the prison football team that beats the hell out of the Armadillos in the preseason.

The New York Jets (3) really pulled a rabbit out of their hat with the LaDainian Tomlinson signing as he clearly has something left in the tank. It brought back good memories to see old LT running wild up in Buffalo. If the Sanchize continues is steady play, and the defense gets healthy, then look out. New York gets special bonus points for carrying a significant swagger to each game. I don’t know about you, but I kind of like it when a team doesn’t mind being the villain.

The Baltimore Ravens (2) just picked a huge victory in Pittsburgh. Let’s not forget that this Ravens team has been deep in the playoffs in both of John Harbaugh’s first two seasons at the helm. If and when Joe Flacco truly comes of age, the Ravens are a serious Super Bowl contender. Hopefully that defense still has enough mojo left when he does come into his own. How ironic would it be if the Baltimore defense finally ran out of steam just as the team finally finds a passing game?

Peter King looks very smart right now for picking the Pittsburgh Steelers (1) to win the Super Bowl. Even with a tough loss to Baltimore, you really have to give props to this Steelers team for going 3-1 without Ben Roethlisberger and the other two quarterbacks that made the team out of training camp. When you’re winning games with a fourth stringer in Charlie Batch, you must have something special on defense. Troy Polamalu’s health is probably a bigger concern now than the health of Roethlisberger.

Week 5 Picks

My week 4 picks record (4-10). Home team in CAPS.

BALTIMORE (-7) over Denver

Are the Bronc’s fo’ rizzle?

Jacksonville (-1.5) over BUFFALO

Do they even have to play this game?

INDIANAPOLIS (-8) over Kansas City

Prove to me you’re elite, K.C.

CINCINNATI (-6.5) over Tampa Bay

Prove to me you’re good, T.B.

DETROIT (-3) over St. Louis

Kiss of death pick right here. I’ve just ensured a St. Louis victory.

CLEVELAND (+3) over Atlanta

Week 5 upset special.

Chicago (-2.5) over PANTHERS

Bears QBs can breath easier this week.

Green Bay (2.5) over WASHINGTON

McNabb was 2-for-11 passing in the second half of last week’s victory over the Eagles.

Giants (+3) over HOUSTON

Houston, we don’t have a defense.

New Orleans (-7) over ARIZONA

I wonder what the win/loss record for undrafted rookie QBs against defending Super Bowl champs is…

OAKLAND (+6.5) over San Diego

Don’t trust the Chargers on the road.

Tennessee (+6.5) over DALLAS

The Titans are the Tie Domi’s and Matthew Barnaby’s of the NFL.

Philadelphia (+3.5) over SAN FRANCISCO

I have a good feeling about this week’s matchup for the Birds, but I don’t know why.

JETS (-4) over Minnesota

Rex Ryan’s defense will be more than game for a Favre-Moss-Peterson trio with less than a week of practice time together.

For the many people who couldn’t stand him laughing after another inaccurate pass, his return is ample booing opportunity. For the many others who appreciated him and didn’t want to see him go, it’s also ample booing opportunity — albeit directed at Andy Reid. (In all seriousness, McNabb should receive a standing ovation from the Linc faithful — with of course a booing bass line.) My prevailing feeling is one of awkwardness. I knew the time had come to move him, but that doesn’t mean that it made me happy to hear he was traded. You see to me, McNabb was the savior.

Donovan McNabb is now trying to make lasting memories for Washington Redskin fans. (Sportinglife.com)

After years searching for a franchise quarterback — starting with Randall Cunningham’s slow decay, Bubby Brister’s uncanny ability to almost win, Rodney Peete’s ability to barely win, the spunky Detmers (Ty and Koy), the corpse of Bobby Hoying, and the over-matched Doug Pederson — McNabb’s emergence in 2000 sparked the greatest Super Bowl run in franchise history. Of course there are no Lombardi Trophies in the Nova Care Complex, but that’s not to say that we Eagles fans were ever truly unhappy during the McNabb Era. Just think of all the unforgettable moments that took place during McNabb’s Eagle tenure:

• Pickle Juice Game blowout victory against Dallas in the 2000 opener
• The “I’ve arrived” 100-yard rushing performance over Washington late in 2000
• A heart-stopping victory over the Giants at the Vet to clinch the 2001 NFC East title
• Back-to-back Wildcard victories over Tampa Bay in ‘00 and ‘01
• Four touchdown passes on a broken ankle against Arizona in 2002
• 4th and 26 to Fred Ex in an instant classic Divisional Playoff against Green Bay
• The entire 2004 season
• His MVP-like start to the 2006 season, including a thrilling 38-24 victory over Terrell Owens and the Cowboys.
• That surprising run to the 2008 NFC Championship Game.

The problem with that list is that almost all of those great moments took place before the disastrous ‘05 season, which saw the Eagles upward trend, presumably to Super Bowl Champion, finally stopped. For whatever reason — the groin and ACL injuries, the T.O. disaster which undermined his leadership, Jeff Garcia’s electric run to the 2006 division title, or the drafting of Kevin Kolb — that early decade magic that always led to a deep playoff run had vanished. Once a tremendous redzone team, the Eagles offense began to have serious trouble scoring touchdowns inside the 20s. So too went their ability to win close games or win coming-from-behind late in games. Gradually the rest of the NFC East caught up and, in some cases, surpassed the Eagles for the first time since McNabb’s rookie year. A change had to be made, and Kolb was set to take over the keys to the young and exciting Eagles offense… or so we thought.

Michael Vick Rises from the Ashes

One prodigal son leaves, but not before recruiting another prodigal son in his stead. You know the story, but how far does it go? Is Vick a mirage, playing against sub-par pass defenses in Detroit and Jacksonville might have inflated his passing ability. Or is Vick the second coming of Steve Young — as I’ve said several times — or the “black Norm Van Brocklin” — as my dad put it? Hard to say, but the fact that we’re considering it should suffice for now.

Vick can’t control how poorly the other teams are on the schedule, but he has to take advantage of it. Thus far, he hasn’t disappointed in the least. Even behind a piss-poor offensive line, Vick has amassed a passer rating over 110 this season — don’t forget that half-game against the Packers defense — and is exactly what the Doctor ordered for an Eagles team searching for an identity Post-Brian Dawkins and Post-Donovan McNabb.

Last week, I was planning on writing a column wholeheartedly endorsing Andy Reid’s decision to start Michael Vick for the remainder of the season. Somewhere between the eight million or so other Vick columns that were being written, I lost interest. Who really wanted to read another opinion regarding the decision to sit Kolb or Big Red’s John Kerry-inspired flip-flop from Kolb to Vick in a 48-hour period? So check out what other sports writers are saying:

• Rich Hoffman wrote that the Eagles offensive line would have trouble protecting Kolb before criticizing Reid for making the change to Vick.
• Sam Donnellon compared Charlie Manuel’s decision to stick with Lidge with Reid’s demotion of Kolb.
• Ray Didinger said that Reid dealt Kolb the worst hit, but changed his mind after reviewing game film with Brian “Diagonal Fingers” Baldinger when he saw how thoroughly Vick dominated the Lions.
• Paul Domowitch thinks o-line prompted the move to Vick before talking about who holds the advantage, Donovan or the Eagles.
• Les Bowen tackles the touchy subject of Vick and racism.
• Matt Mosley thought that Reid made a knee-jerk decision.
• The professor, John Clayton, called Reid’s decision to start Vick a mistake.
• Jay Glazer, on Vick in his FoxSports.com chat: “I honestly and truly believe the penal system worked in this case. I really do. I hated what he did and he has told me he constantly reflects on this path in life and those horrible decisions he made. Told me after the Lions game he actually went home that night and thought about it all, regretting he took this path.”

To me, the real losers of this whole situation (other than Kolb) were the members of the Philly media. Like a pack of vultures, several writers (some with a solid track record of thinking before writing) came at Reid scathingly from both sides of the argument. Everyone, especially a columnist, is welcome to an opinion, but giving Reid guff from both sides of the argument is a bit much. Personally, I think a lot of the beat writers don’t like Reid, something my dad and I talk about a lot. After years of getting minimal answers and snide remarks from him for several press conferences a week, some of the Eagles beat writers were probably chomping at the bit when Reid embarrassingly contracted himself this past week.

So I would take a lot of what’s said about Reid and the Eagles organization with a grain of salt. Sports writers are human, and they might just be a bit biased in this town against everyone on Team Gold Standard.

What About Kolb?

Michael Vick replaced Kevin Kolb at halftime of the Green Bay game. (Footbasket.com)

Kevin Kolb is in his mid-20s. He played high school football in Texas and spent his first three seasons in the NFL with a bird’s-eye view of the mountain of criticism McNabb faced week in and week out. Something tells me that he knew trouble was headed his way as the starting quarterback in Philadelphia. If anyone can handle it, Kolb can.

While suffering a public demotion can’t feel good for anyone, I’m pretty sure that losing his starting job to Michael Vick, a former number one overall draft pick with a Michael Jordan-like talent, is not something that will doom him for all of eternity. With apologies to the Inquirer’s John Gonzalez, reports of Kevin Kolb’s demise are premature. A quick glance around at some of the NFL’s quarterback situations tells me that Kolb shouldn’t be without a starter’s job for long if the Eagles decide to make a long term commitment to Vick.

Another problem with the poor Kevin Kolb argument: what about Donovan McNabb? Who would have thought that eight fewer NFL seasons and five fewer NFC Championship Game appearances would warrant a greater public outcry after being demoted. I don’t remember as many people saying that Donovan didn’t get a fair shake or that we should give him the benefit of the doubt over an unknown young signal-caller after two decent games. Here we have Vick — a much more proven commodity than Kolb was after two good starts in the 2009 season — given the job after two weeks of play, and suddenly we must have some continuity at quarterback after (GOSH!) one offseason’s worth of practices. Of all the arguments to keep Kolb in as the starter, this makes the least sense. That’s just one person’s opinion…

Anyway, on to the week four picks.

(Home team in CAPS. Week One Results: 4-12.)

TENNESSEE (-6.5) over Denver

Maybe Tom Coughlin thinks that his Giants are better than the Titans, even though the scoreboard — basically judge and jury in this case — clearly disagreed. I do think that Jeff Fisher’s bunch is a touchdown better than the Broncos. Coughlin thought that Tennessee won by provoking several players into personal foul penalties, which helped to offset Eli Manning’s near-400 yard passing performance. I say that getting a team off its game is a skill. Look at the NHL, where goons like Dale Murphy, Tie Domi and Matthew Barnaby (that jerk) made a very good living doing just that. In fact, each team in the NHL has its own thorn-in-the-side-of-the-other-team guy. So maybe Tennessee has 53 of them. Whatever. Time to quit crying, Tom, because this Tennessee team is for real.

Let’s talk a bit about Orton. While Jay Cutler has led the Bears to three straight wins to start the season, the man he was traded for has been a disappointment. Orton is second in the NFL in passing yards (1,078), seventh in passer rating (97.4), and eighth in completion percentage (66.4 percent). Even Cutler’s slightly better numbers have put his team in a better position, you’ve got to give the edge in this trade to Denver. After all, Cutler isn’t outperforming Orton enough to overshadow the two first round draft picks (as well as a third rounder) that Chicago sent in the deal — provided Josh McDaniels doesn’t draft another third round-talent (hello, Tim Tebow) in the first round again.

Of course if Cutler leads Chicago to a deep playoff run and Orton is scheduling tee times in January (hopefully somewhere warm), Bears fans won’t mind what McDaniels does with those draft picks.

PITTSBURGH (-1.5) over Baltimore

The way Pittsburgh’s defense has dominated with a healthy Troy Polamalu back in the fold, you can’t pick against the Steelers right now. I’m feeling so good about Pittsburgh that I’m even wondering if New Orleans would have had a different opponent in the Super Bowl if Polamalu never injured himself on opening night last season. So, no, I don’t think that Joe Flacco can handle the pressure and avoid any costly turnovers with the likely Defensive Player of the Year in Polamalu patrolling the middle of the field.

Give credit to Peter King for predicting a Super Bowl championship from Pittsburgh, despite the Ben Roethlisberger suspension. That pick looks better and better each week.

Cincinnati (-3) over CLEVELAND

This one reeks of upset:

• Intrastate division rivals
• Cleveland’s been in every game this year
• Carson Palmer looks like A.J. Feeley.

That said, I’m leaning towards the Bengals with this pick for one reason: the Cincinnati defense is very good. Marvin Lewis has assembled a defense that is capable of winning a game all by itself some weeks — much less one where the opposing quarterback depth chart has Seneca Wallace, Jake Delhomme and Colt McCoy and a banged up Jerome Harrison as well. Feed Cedric Benson to milk the clock and play Bengals defense, and there’s probably nothing that the Browns can do about it.

GREEN BAY (-14.5) over Detroit

This is a bad week to be a Detroit Lion. The way Green Bay gave away the game to the Bears on Monday night, I’m expecting them to come out firing on all cylinders at home. Plus Aaron Rodgers and his receiving corps should have a field day with that Lions pass defense. For those concerned about the Packers having a short week of practice: Short week my ass! Detroit would need the Packers to have played the night before this Sunday’s game to prevent a blowout loss in Green Bay.

NEW ORLEANS (-13.5) over Carolina

So much for the Panthers as a playoff team. Evil twin Matt Moore (how else do we explain how much he sucks this year) wet the bed and has been replaced by Jimmy Clausen. So naturally I’m expecting New Orleans to make mince-meat of Carolina. As the Sportsguy said in his podcast with Cousin Sal, this line can’t be big enough. Like I do with the Packers, I’m expecting a good game from the Saints after suffering their first loss of the year last week due to their own mistakes — namely a shanked chip shot field goal in overtime. For everyone that’s handing the NFC South to the Falcons, might want to hang your hat on a victory that didn’t come after a missed 29-yard field goal in overtime.

Luckily, though, for Clausen, Notre Dame provided him plenty of experience in losing, so he’ll be able to take a 2-14 season in stride. You’ve really got to hand it to Notre Dame for its commitment to education. Now if only his passes found his receivers in stride…

ATLANTA (-7) over San Francisco

When in doubt, pick against the NFC West. Pretty simple. Of course, Atlanta is ripe for a let-down loss after last week’s heart-stopping victory in the Big Easy, and San Francisco is due for a victory. This could be an upset special in the making, but I’m not going to have another 3-13 week (like my Week One picks… ugh). I am NOT picking an NFC West team to travel cross-country and defeat a superior team.

Seattle (-1) over ST. LOUIS

I don’t know what to think about Seattle. With two impressive victories — a Week One throttling of the Niners, and the Week Three upset of the Chargers — and a lop-sided Week Two loss to the Broncos (1-2), what gives? Just know that after three weeks, Pete Carroll has his Seahawks tied for first in the NFC West with the Cardinals — whose two victories have come against the Raiders and Rams. Any other division, and Carroll might be getting some early Coach of the Year talk. Any other division…

Meanwhile, the Rams got their annual victory over the Redskins last week and are threatening to climb out of the NFL’s cellar. A win here over their division rival could give them a share of first place. Just another week in the NFC West.

Jets (-5.5) over BUFFALO

Ryan Fitzpatrick against Rex Ryan’s defense. Even without Darrell Revis, that has to be good for at least a touchdown difference. Speaking of mediocre quarterbacks, the Sanchise is starting to pack his bags for Good Quarterbackville. I know it’s still early, but with Braylon Edwards steady hands of late and Santonio Holmes set to rejoin the team, Mark Sanchez might be finally giving Jets fans a real reason to feel Super about this team.

BTW: Fitzpatrick + Trent Edwards < Vick. Think the Buffalo front office is kicking themselves for not making a play for Vick?

Colts (-7.5) over JACKSONVILLE

Having watched Vick torch the Jaguars last week, I think Peyton Manning will do just fine. Even if the Maurice Jones-Drew runs all over Indianapolis, David Garrard is still the opposing quarterback. I think that means the Colts will blow out Jacksonville.

Houston (-3) over OAKLAND

Anyone who thinks that Texans aren’t a field goal better than Oakland is either insane or can predict huge NFL upsets with Nostradamus-like accuracy.

SAN DIEGO (-8) over Arizona

Unless the Cardinals return two kicks for touchdowns, I think the Chargers should be able to cover. The only question heading into this game is whether or not San Diego sells out this game. In case you didn’t know, the Chargers’ home opener wasn’t sold out, so the NFL blacked it out in America’s Finest City. Blackouts are expected for perennial losers, but 4-time division champs? Between the lack of support for the Padres and Chargers, I’m starting to think that the Chargers might soon be calling Los Angeles their home. With the prospects of new stadium near downtown San Diego thin, and a possible state-of-the-art facility looming on the horizon in L.A., why not move the team two hours north? This way you can keep your San Diego fan base somewhat close, while simultaneously monopolizing the rest of Southern California.

Maybe then the Chargers could afford to pay their star wide receivers…

Washington (+6) covers against PHILLY

This game has close written all over it. Maybe it’s because I’m an Eagles fan, but facing Donovan McNabb in another uniform scares the be-jesus out of me. He knows both our offensive and defensive systems in and out, and he’s playing for a division foe that’s given Philly some trouble the past few season. That said, I didn’t lead this column with a nod to Michael Vick just to pick against him. His presence alone has taken the Eagles sub-par redzone offense and turned it into the league’s best. The Redskins, on the other hand, acquired McNabb’s redzone troubles as well in that Easter trade. That will be the difference in this one because the Redskins will be bringing field goals to a touchdown fight.

Chicago (+4) over GIANTS

This looks a lot like a trap game for Chicago. I agree with Coughlin that the Giants were not as bad as their 29-10 loss last week to Tennessee might indicated — though they were not better than the Titans — and something tells me that New York might come out and play well on Sunday Night. Eli Manning will probably not throw another left-handed pass the rest of his career, so there’s always that.

This pick reflects my personal views on the growth of Cutler. Last year, he spent much of the season forcing the ball into extremely tight coverage and finished with 26 interceptions. It all seemed to crescendo on him on his disastrous five-pick game on Thursday Night game against the Niners, which I wrote about at the time. The next time I watched Cutler play was in Chicago’s Monday Night Football game against Minnesota, where Cutler won with a game-winning touchdown pass in overtime — which at the time rocked my world because that gave the Eagles the inside shot at the second seed in the NFC playoffs before the Double Dallas Debacle. There was a different, more efficient Cutler in that latest game. He looked like a quarterback that you might give up three high picks and your incumbent starter in a trade. Flash forward to Week Four and efficient Cutler is still playing well.

The Giants are not playing well, so that should be enough for Da Bears to upset Big Blue.

MIAMI (+1) over New England

Something is rotten in the state of Massachusetts. I felt it before the season when I picked the Patriots to miss the playoffs, and I feel it now after a poor two week stretch that included a 14-point loss to the Jets and a narrow victory over the hapless Bills. Randy Moss is depressed, glue-man Kevin Faulk is out for the year with an ACL injury, Wes Welker is not yet a year removed from his own ACL surgery, the defense looks suspect, and Tom Brady is more model now than quarterback. Darth Brady, under the controls of the vile Emperor Giselle, has gone from greatest ever (before Super Bowl XLII) to second-tier. Not good. And remember how past New England teams seemingly overachieved and “wanted it” more than anyone else? Mike Vrabel, Teddy Bruschi, Rodney Harrison, and Richard Seymour are all now past-Patriots. Who is going to spark the team now?

One team’s misfortune is another’s gain, and Miami now stands in the same league as the once-dominant Patriots. I say that hoping that Ricky Williams puts some stick ‘em on his hands. Seriously, when did he suddenly develop Adrian Peterson hands? I don’t know who I would trust more to hold on to the pigskin, Williams or Snooki. Regardless, Williams better fix his ball-security issues because the Dolphins are going to need both him and Brown so that Chad Henne isn’t left in too many obvious passing situations. Give Bill Belichick an edge and he’ll take advantage, even with this Patriots defense.

So there you have it. After picking the first 11 favorites to cover the spread, I’m going with three underdogs to end the column. After my last foray into NFL picks, there’s really no where to go but up. It’s not like I’m the Detroit Lions of pigskin pick’em… am I?

Lions fans, Jack Bauer of All Sports feels your pain. If you somehow haven’t yet heard what happened, here’s quick recap:

The Lions trailed 19-14 inside of :30 and backup quarterback Shaun Hill tossed a quasi- “Hail Mary” pass on third down inside Bears’ territory into the endzone, which was spectacularly “caught” by Calvin Johnson. As Johnson came down to secure the ball, he took two steps as he was falling over, and started to stretch the ball out as he rolled over after the second-step and appeared to slam the ball down to the ground in celebration of the play.

Upon video review, Head Referee Gene Steratore ruled that Johnson did not completely possess the ball despite taking two steps because he “lost control of the ball” as it came to the ground as he put it on the ground.

If there is a positive here, Steratore got the call right by the rule book. While the rule forcing Steratore to deny an obvious de facto touchdown is absolute garbage, I do feel better about the situation because it is a rule issue as opposed to officiating. For the past two seasons, I have regarded Steratore as the best official in the NFL, and as someone who is quick to call-out poor officiating, I would have been depressed if one of the few good officials in all of sports had blown a game deciding call.

I understand this may not make Lions fans feel any better and the result of the game is absolutely one of Jack’s personal fouls from Week 1, there are far worse ways to get jobbed out of a win.

Moving on from the Lions, I have to mention my team, the Philadelphia Eagles. After a pathetic performing Kevin Kolb went down due to a concussion at the end of the first half,  Michael Vick stepped in and performed masterfully in almost leading the Birds back from a 20-3  third quarter deficit. Jack Bauer of All Sports is calling this personal foul on Andy Reid. Here is my analysis of what is brewing in Philadelphia:

After the 2009 season, Andy Reid would not budge from his belief that Kevin Kolb was ready to start. Consequently, Reid had no choice but to trade away Donovan McNabb and his contract due to expire after 2010, and get something in return. I believe Reid had been planning for this day to come after the 2008 season, so he shocked the sports world by bringing in Michael Vick. Vick, despite his newsworthy history, is a quarterback similar in style to McNabb, and has a lifetime winning record and two career playoff wins. If Kolb struggled and Reid decided he needed to give Kolb a break from the starting role, Vick would be a perfect replacement.

For the past few seasons, Reid has convinced the public, especially the Eagles fan base and organization, that Kolb is the future and will lead the Eagles to football’s promised land. In his first game as the full-time starter on Sunday, Kolb was horrible and then got hurt. Enter Vick. The Eagles rally around him, and Vick performs at his former pro-bowl level, nearly leading the team back from a three score deficit against a very strong Green Bay defense. Reid’s worst nightmare has come true.

If Kolb is not cleared to play in Week 2 against the Detroit Lions and Vick performs strong for a second-straight game, Reid will be forced to let Vick continue starting to maintain control of his team. If Reid were to not continue to start the quarterback who had shown he gives the Eagles the best chance to win, he would never recover in the locker room and the court of public opinion. Right now, Reid is praying as hard as he can that Kolb is cleared to play.

Reid is a poor in-game coach, but a very sharp mind. His decision to return Kolb to the game for the Eagles final possession of the first half after suffering a concussion may have been predicated on the above scenario. The quagmire the Eagles and Reid now face after only Week 1 is because of Reid. The future of the Eagles the next few seasons, and Reid’s job security, may now hinge solely on Kolb’s ability to play Week 2. Jack is not a doctor, but no one recovers 100% from a concussion in one week, and if Kolb is the future of the Eagles, Reid should not gamble with his health. But Reid has now backed himself into a corner where his credibility in the organization, and ultimately his job, may depend upon playing Kolb at less than 100% health and without a full week of practice.

Finally, as a San Diegan, I am compelled to address the embarrassing loss a clearly talent-superior San Diego Chargers team took from the Kansas City Chiefs on Monday Night Football. Norv Turner can’t coach, period. But I am calling this personal foul on General Manager A.J. Smith.

A.J. Smith replaced Marty Schottenheimer after the 2006 season with Norv Turner not because the Bolts went 14-2 in the regular season and didn’t advance in the playoffs, but because Smith is a power-hungry ego-maniac. Schottenheimer is a strong- willed personality, and constantly he and Smith clashed since he was hired in 2002. After the 2006 season’s disastrous ending, Smith had a reason to fire Marty. Enter Norv Turner, a career losing record as a head coach, to lead a team ready to reach the Super Bowl. This is perhaps one of the most puzzling coaching hires the past ten years, but it makes sense when one considers A.J. Smith’s personality. Turner would be subservient to Smith, unlike Marty, which was what Smith wants.

The Bolts did reach the AFC Championship the first season under Turner, but that was with Marty’s players, playbook, and coaches. The talent-rich Chargers have suffered embarrassing home playoff loses the past two seasons. Turner is a terrible coach, but Turner is who he is. It is Smith’s fault the keys to a Corvette were giving to an accident prone driver who only drove Yugos as a head coach.

Side note: The Chargers’ offense looked anemic without WR Vincent Jackson in the lineup.  QB Phillip Rivers was scrambling the whole night to find receivers. Jackson might be not be the smartest person off the field, but the Chargers offense will have a hard time keeping the lights on without him for an entire season. A.J. Smith, just pay the man already. You’re ego will survive, you have Norv Turner as your puppet!