By Adio Royster
THE PHOENIX

(… The first one word descriptions don’t count …)

(… Nor does the introductory paragraph.  Unless you REALLY want to nit-pick …)

The time has come for the most depressing month of the year if you’re a football fan.  The playoffs have started, and Sundays are about to become very free for Family Fun Days or whatever useless substitute for football you may have.  Not sure exactly how many playoff previews have already been written, but when has that ever stopped me before from doing something that has already been done.

(more…)

By Jason Branch
Jack ‘Bauer’ of All Sports

Even for the rugged man of steel who is Jack Bauer of Taking Back Sports, the 72 hours I endured last week were the kind of pure torture not even suffered by the real Jack Bauer of CTU. What happened to me last Saturday, Sunday and Monday must be illegal. It must be somewhere in the fine print of the Geneva Convention. United Nations of “Sports World,” where were you last weekend?

It was so bad, I wouldn’t wish my weekend even on USC fans, San Francisco Giants fans, or Dallas Cowboys fans, my sworn enemies of the Sports World. So here goes the recap, and I challenge everyone reading to top the pain I went through in such a short span of time.

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By Adio Royster
THE PHOENIX

He may be here.

He may even make fans in Minnesota cheer.

But I’m telling Vikings fans to get over it.

In a (not so shocking) turn of events, Brett Favre came out of retirement for the — I don’t know; I lost track — time.  Last year, Favre sobbingly retired from the NFL only to come back to the New York Jets: gray beard and all.

The Mangini/Favre marriage seemed to be working.  We saw it all pan out like Cliff and Claire Huxtable as the Jets started 8-3.  Next thing you know, the Jets lost four of their last five games, and the Mangini/Favre wedding appeared to be more like Al and Peggy Bundy.

Favre retired again … thankfully.  He wasn’t the three-time MVP I grew to enjoy in the mid and late 90s.  Like a beautiful butterfly maturing from a cocoon — but in reverse.

Naturally, when reports of Favre coming out of retirement (again) to play for the Vikings, my immediate reaction was: Why?

Why won’t he just walk away?

Why do teams think Favre still has it? (after rotator cuff surgery, by the way).

I just couldn’t wrap my head around a logical explanation.  Here I am hours later, and at this point, the Eagles signing of Michael Vick makes more sense to me.

The Vikings and their fans need to accept they aren’t getting the mid 90s Favre.  They aren’t even getting the early 2000s Favre, which would have been better than the 2008 Favre: a quarterback that’s like an operating system with more bugs than (pick any Windows operating system).

Remember when Brad Childress said that he could groom Tavaris Jackson to be like Donovan McNabb?  What happened with that?  Towards the end of 2008, it looked like Jackson was putting it together while Favre was falling apart.  Compare the last four games of both QBs:

Week 14

Tarvaris Jackson
8-10, 105 yds, TD (one half)

Brett Favre
20-31, 137 yds, INT

Week 15

Tarvaris Jackson
11-17, 163 yds, 4 TD

Brett Favre
17-30, 207 yds, TD, 2 INT

Week 16

Tarvaris Jackson
22-36, 233 yds, 2 TD

Brett Favre
18-31, 187 yds, 2 INT

Week 17

Tarvaris Jackson
16-26, 239 yds, TD, INT

Brett Favre
20-40, 233 yds, 1 TD, 3 INT

Jackson may have lost some of Childress’s confidence after the playoff loss, to Philadelphia, but at least Jackson’s performance (115.4 QB rating) kept Minnesota in the playoff race.  Favre’s play down the stretch (53.3 QB rating) reminded me of the Alex Murphy killing in “Robocop”: gruesome to watch and traumatizing to children.

If Vikings fans think Favre’s return will transform their passing attack into something more powerful (like Megatron’s transformation to Galvatron in the ‘86 Transformers movie), they’re sadly mistaken.

Weren’t there any other feasible QB options in free agency or the draft for the Vikings?  You know, options that aren’t coming off of rotator cuff surgery and 22 INT season, which was tops in the NFL last year by the way.

Where were the Vikings when Jay Cutler was being shopped around?  Maybe they didn’t have the pieces the Broncos wanted, and I accept that, but there were plenty of serviceable quarterbacks if Jackson wasn’t going to be the guy.

If the Vikings were looking for a 39-year-old quarterback to inject some life into the passing game, wouldn’t Jeff Garcia would have been a wonderful start.  Garcia may not be the flash in the pan he used to be (refer to the 49ers stats from the 2000 season), but in 11 games last year, he did have a 65% completion percentage, 2,700 yards and 12 TDs.

Not good enough, Brad?

How about a 29-year-old quarterback was putting on the ‘Stella hat’ and getting his groove back?  Before injuries, Byron Leftwich was a steady quarterback who could throw for about 3,000 yards a season.  He had a one-year stint in Atlanta, and then went to Pittsburgh where he kept the Steelers afloat when Big Ben started to get nicked up.

Don’t even get me started about the fact that the Vikings were one of the teams in need of a QB that passed on Texas Tech QB Graham Harrell.  If you think you need a quarterback, how exactly do you pass up the NCAA’s all-time leader in touchdown passes and the only NCAA player to post consecutive 5,000 yard seasons?  How?

Another question, Brad.  If you are trying to get a winner at quarterback, wouldn’t it be nice if the QB you seek at least has a winning record on your home field?

Favre is 6-10 lifetime at the Triple-H Metrodome.  Favre supporters use the excuse he was the opposing QB, but in 38 career indoor games, Favre’s QB rating is only five points better than his rating outdoors.

There are only so many ways I can destroy the argument of bringing in Favre, but I guess the most important argument centers around the following question:

Didn’t the Vikings win the NFC North without a real passing attack, anyway?

The Vikings averaged 184.9 yards per game through the air with the tandem of Gus Frerotte and Tarvaris Jackson, but the Vikings still went 10-6 and won the NFC North by a game.  Want more proof of what drives the offense?  The Vikings had a 200+ yard passer in seven games last year and won only three of those games.  Six times last year, Adrian Peterson had games of less than 100 yards, and the Vikings lost HALF of those games.

Its no secret Peterson drives the offense, and even when teams were stacking up to stop him, Peterson still produced.

Sometimes, I wonder what owners, general managers, coaches and teammates are thinking when they make moves.  When the Bills signed a one-year flyer for Terrell Owens, I said, “Ok.  I’m cool with that.”

When the Eagles signed Michael Vick, I said, “Sure, why not?”

The Vikings signed Brett Favre (for two years, by the way), and now that I’ve written against the signing for the last two hours, I gotta ask myself:

Why?

By Greg Miller
THE COMMISH

If you want to see my thoughts on the NFL draft as an event, check out my previous entry One if by O, Two if by D.

If you’ve read that already (or only care about mocking my baseless picks), then let’s move on.

I won’t waste your time with pre-mock witty banter or pointless ranting; there’s plenty of that to come.

Let’s get cracking:

1.    Detroit Lions - Matthew Stafford, QB, Georgia

Do I think Stafford is the best quarterback in the draft? Yes, but barely. Do I think he is a franchise quarterback? I’m not so sure. However, quarterbacks are the players who put butts in the seats. I think Aaron Curry is the better choice, but this franchise needs a face. He won’t have the immediate effect like Matt Ryan or Joe Flacco, but he has the tools and demeanor to be a successful NFL QB.

2.    St. Louis Rams - Jason Smith, OT, Baylor

This is about as sure of a pick as you’re going to have on draft day. Smith is a mauler with as much athleticism as any pro tight end (having converted from TE while at Baylor). Add that to the fact that he may be the classiest player in this year’s draft and you have a surefire future All-Pro.

3.    Kansas City Chiefs - Aaron Curry, OLB, Wake Forest

Another no-brainer. Curry is the best player in the draft and the Chiefs need a ton of help in the linebacker corps. He’s strong, athletic, fast and has a high football IQ. He makes all the right plays and finds himself in position more times than not. This will be the first in a long line of great picks by new GM Scott Pioli.

4.    Seattle Seahawks - Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia

Here’s where things start to get a little tricky. Could Seattle take Sanchez here? Yeah, they could and they probably will. However, previous injuries to Walter Jones (not to mention the fact he isn’t getting any younger) make replacing him a bigger priority than finding the heir to Matt Hasselbeck. Both would be great choices, but Monroe makes more sense.

5.    Cleveland Browns - Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech

This pick solely depends on whether or not the Browns continue to shop Braylon Edwards. If they cease all talks, then they will look for help on defense. If they still want to move him come Saturday and beyond, then Crabtree is the way to go. Either way, I think Cleveland would be making a huge mistake if they pass on Crabtree.

6.    Cincinnati Bengals - Andre Smith, OT, Alabama

After a couple of years where they looked on the verge of greatness, the Bengals have reverted back to the Bungles. They are in complete disarray, from a suspect defense to a receiving corps that suddenly looks in shambles. With Who’s-Your-Momma in the Pac NW and Chad Ocho Cinco Seis Siete asking to be traded (again), receiver could be an option here. However, Palmer needs time to get the ball downfield and Smith is the best OL remaining. Sure, he messed up big-time during combine season, but he’s a hell of a lineman with tenacity and skill. Besides, it’s Cincinnati, could they really do any worse?

7.    Oakland Raiders - Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri

Al Davis likes speed. Jeremy Maclin has lots of it. Sure, the Raiders have a bunch of other issues, but who cares? Maclin is greasy fast! Let’s draft him! Let it be known that I like Maclin, just not for the Raiders. Be that as it may, Davis won’t let us down.

8.    Jacksonville Jaguars - BJ Raji, DT, Boston College

With Crabtree and Maclin gone, there is no receiver at this point worth reaching for. The next big need for the Jags is on the defensive line and Raji is the best in the draft in that area. He’s big, he’s strong and he’s a baaaaaaaaaad man. He’ll work wonders for a suddenly Stay-Puff soft Jaguars defense.

9.    Green Bay Packers - Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas

I think I’m the only person that has Green Bay taking Orakpo, but with Smith, Monroe and Raji gone, there really isn’t too much Green Bay can do here but take Orakpo. He’s a big, strong DE, which is a place of need for the Pack. They could also take Aaron Maybin here, but I think Orakpo would be a better fit.

10.    San Francisco 49ers - Mark Sanchez, QB, USC

Being a Niners fan, I’m not sure how I feel about this. I like Sanchez and I think he could be that next great QB in Niners’ lore. Then I think about guys like Jim Drunkenmiller, Alex Smith, Tim Rattay and Ken Dorsey and I feel like throwing up. Personally, choosing Maybin here and partnering him with Patrick Willis and Manny Lawson would be orgasmic. That being said, I think Sanchez is the guy.

11.    Buffalo Bills - Aaron Maybin, DE, Penn State

After back-to-back murmurs, Maybin comes off the board. With the trade of All-Pro OT Jason Peters to the Eagles, tackle has suddenly become a place of concern for the Bills as well. Maybin is too good to pass up at this point and he will be a fine addition for “North America’s Team.”

12.    Denver Broncos - Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU

The third defensive end to come off the board in the last four picks, Jackson is just as good as his counterparts. Built more like a DT, Jackson will provide the porous Broncos D with run stopping and passing-down pressure. They could reach for someone like Josh Freeman here, but I don’t think they need him. Kyle Orton may not be the next coming of John Elway, but then again, neither was Jay Cutler.

13.    Washington Redskins - Robert Ayers, DE, Tennessee

That’s right, another defensive end. Washington could also look at Ole Miss OT Michael Oher, but I think the run on ends will continue. Chainsaw Dan could also trade up to get Sanchez, but that would be downright foolish. Maybe I’m missing something, but what’s wrong with Jason Campbell? If you have an answer, please let me know so I can tell Snyder to stop running his QB over with the Trade Rumor truck.

14.    New Orleans Saints - Malcolm Jenkins, CB, Ohio State

This pick comes down to a pair of Buckeyes: Jenkins and RB Beanie Wells. The Saints could use Wells to complement Reggie Bush, but they are dying for help in the secondary. Jenkins is by far the best DB in this draft and he will provide a little bit of consistency in the secondary, whether as a corner or a safety.

15.    Houston Texans - Everette Brown, DE, Florida State

This is the last defensive end of the first round, I promise. This pick will make five ends picked in the first 15 selections. With the lack of safeties and nose tackles in this draft, Brown becomes the best available player for Houston’s needs. They could also take Wells to complement RB Steve Slaton, but adding another bookend to 2006 #1 pick Mario Williams will go a long way to solidifying Houston’s front seven.

16.    San Diego Chargers - Chris Wells, RB, Ohio State

Tomlinson is getting old. Sproles is a situational scat back. Wells is the perfect choice, if he falls past the Saints. USC LB’s Brian Cushing or Clay Matthews could also come of f the board here as well.

17.    New York Jets - Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas State

I know there are a lot of question marks about Freeman but I’m not convinced the Jets believe in any of the signal-callers they currently have on the roster. Regardless, wasting another high draft pick on a QB could prove costly to first-year coach Rob Ryan. If they pass on Freeman, expect one of the receivers to get selected here, either Darrius Heyward-Bey or Kenny Britt.

18.    Denver Broncos - Peria Jerry, DT, Mississippi

No first-round worthy QB’s are left and the Broncos took a DE with their first selection. The other glaring need is in the middle of the defensive line and Jerry is the next-best DT.

19.    Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Brian Cushing, OLB, USC

Tampa Bay needs a replacement for Derrick Brooks. Cushing is the best OLB not named Aaron Curry. With Freeman gone, this pick is a no-brainer.

20.    Detroit Lions - Michael Oher, OT, Mississippi

The Lions took their franchise quarterback with their first pick, so it only makes sense they find a way to protect him with the second one. Moreno could be a surprise pick here as well, partnering him with Georgia teammate Stafford.

21.    Philadelphia Eagles - Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia

While he may be one of the best running backs in the NFL, Brian Westbrook isn’t getting any younger. Moreno is similar in build and skill set to Westbrook, and would be the perfect replacement when Westbrook’s time comes. The Eagles could also reach for Arizona OT Eben Britton or any of the remaining receivers (Heyward-Bey, Britt, Hakeem Nicks, Percy Harvin).

22.    Minnesota Vikings - Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland

While not filling a major need for the Vikings, adding another deep threat to their offense couldn’t hurt. Then again, names like Troy Williamson and Sidney Rice come to mind. Vikings fans have every right to feel a little woozy with this pick.

23.    New England Patriots - Clay Matthews, OLB, USC

Mike Vrabel, Version 2.0. Nuff said.

24.    Atlanta Falcons - Rey Maualuga, ILB, USC

I originally had Oklahoma State TE Brandon Pettigrew going off the board here, but with the trade of Tony Gonzalez, drafting a TE here becomes absolutely pointless. This becomes a value pick and Maualuga provides the best remaining value.

25.    Miami Dolphins - Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois

Personally, I think Davis is incredibly overrated. He’s a tad slow coming out of his break and his ball skills leave a little to be desired. However, the Dolphins need a corner and Davis is the best one left. Nicks, Harvin or Britt could also come off here.

26.    Baltimore Ravens - Hakeem Nicks, WR, North Carolina

So begins the late-round run on wide receivers. Nicks is a big (and recently overweight) target with great hands and solid route-running. He will provide QB Joe Flacco with a nice target opposite the Ageless Wonder, Derrick Mason.

27.    Indianapolis Colts - Kenny Britt, WR, Rutgers

Indy needs a replacement for All-Pro Marvin Harrison and Britt is a fine choice. Harvin would have been the pick here but I just don’t see the Colts taking a flyer on him after he failed his pre-draft drug test.

28.    Buffalo Bills - Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State

Buffalo is doing backflips and cartwheels at the thought of Pettigrew, the draft’s No. 1 tight end, falling this far. Adding Pettigrew to receivers Lee Evans and the Human Cancer will give Trent Edwards plenty of options in the passing game.

29.    New York Giants - Percy Harvin, WR, Florida

I’m not sure how thrilled the Giants will be to bring in another questionable receiver after jettisoning Cheddar Plex out of the Garden State (yes, they play in Jersey, get over it). Even with that mess, Harvin is WAY TOO GOOD to drop out of the first round, which would happen if the Giants don’t take him here. He’s a top-10 talent and an incredible value for the late first round.

30.    Tennessee Titans - James Laurinaitis, ILB, Ohio State

Tennessee should take a receiver here but they won’t. Their next big need is in the middle of the linebacker corps and Laurinaitis is the second-ranked ILB in this year’s draft. He’s not the most athletic guy in the world but the man makes every play. Besides, with a dad like his (Road Warrior and former Tag Team wrestling champ Joseph “Animal” Laurinaitis), would you be dumb enough not to draft him?

31.    Arizona Cardinals - Donald Brown, RB, Connecticut

I think Donald Brown has the potential to be the best running back in this year’s draft. He’s not the biggest guy in the world, but he runs with purpose and isn’t afraid to get hit. With Edgerrin James showing his age last year and Hightower making his name in goal-line situations, Brown would be the perfect complement to all of that high-flying passing talent they have in the desert.

32.    Pittsburgh Steelers - Eben Britton, OT, Arizona

There’s not much to say about the champs. Their offensive line is getting old and could use a little revitalization. Britton is the best remaining tackle and should be the final pick of the first round. Cal C Alex Mack could also make his way to the Steel City. Rest assured, a lineman is coming off the board to end the round.

There’s the first round as I see it. Knowing my track record, the Lions will take Jason Smith and throw the whole draft out of whack.

As long as I beat Kiper, that’s all that matters. Oh well, guess we’ll find out Saturday.

By Eleazer Gorenstein
KNOWSBLEEDS

The New York Giants have released Super Bowl hero Plaxico Burress in what is the latest development in the ongoing saga with the gun-slinging headache of a receiver.

This is a move that had some Giants fans scratching their heads, but if Big Blue wants to make another run at a title, the move was essential. With Burress’ criminal hearing pushed back until mid-June, and Plax laughing off the Giants’ recent restructured contract offer, Big Blue could ill afford to let this walking distraction take away from playing football anymore.

However, while cutting Burress eliminates a huge off-field distraction, it also opens up a gaping hole in the recieving corp. Here’s what the Giants can do to fill that void and push the Plax nightmare totally behind them:

1.  Look internally for new options

Steve Smith is a solid No. 2 receiver with promise and without too many flaws, but he may not have the skill set to flourish without a No. 1 receiver opposite him. Mario Manningham and Domenik Hixon, similarly, are promising young receivers with huge upside, but may lack the physicality and speed to be dominant NFL receivers.

Let’s not forget Super Bowl legend David Tyree, who could further cement his legacy if he were able to step up and have a breakout year. However, as evidenced throughout his career, he is best suited as a special teams contributor.

Tight end Kevin Boss is a nice all-around pass-catching tight end, but after him the depth of pass catchers is seriously thin, especially with the loss of Derrick Ward to Tampa Bay (41 recpetions for 384 yards in 2008). Ahmad Bradshaw will have to step it up for Big Blue out of the backfield, for sure, because Brandon Jacobs will be at his power-bulldozing best as an effective — but one-dimensional — back.

2.  Draft, trade or sign a play-making big name

The draft is one potential solution, but is not likely to yield as many immediate returns, as would obtaining studs Braylon Edwards and Anquan Boldin, both of whom the Giants should make a play at — even if they have to overpay. Big Blue is built to win now.

The Giants’ superb defense and running game puts them in position to be one of the best teams in the NFC once again in ‘09, and they have an opportunity to drastically improve before the season starts and get rid of the Plax hangover.

Plax may have shot himself in the leg, but the Giants weren’t about to let him do it to them, too.

By Michael Licisyn
MR. DUDE AND STUFF

Longer NFL Schedule?  No Way, I Say!

When I first heard word that Roger Goodell announced that he would like to expand the NFL schedule from 16 games to 18 games by decreasing preseason games, my reaction was, “This has got to be the doings of Bud Selig.  Who else could propose something so dumb?”  Low and behold, it was Goodell and he seemed dead serious.

There has been debate for a long time that the NFL Preseason is a little on the ridiculous side.  The NFL, and subsequently its franchises, promote and sell these games as they would a regular-season game, between the advertising and ticket prices.  I guess they didn’t pay attention to the fact that the fans clear out the stadium and turn off their televisions by time the fourth-team players are fumbling over each other on the field in the humid August night.

Now, as a sports fan, I can’t stand the NFL Preseason, as I’m sure most can’t.  Usually the first game is exciting because we see the starters for a quarter or so of football after it being absent from us for so many months.  However, I do understand the benefit to the coaches who are finalizing their rosters.  It is impossible to get a real sense of what unproven talent can do in nongame situations — no matter how perfect practice drills may be.

It is great business for the NFL, no doubt, to have two more meaningful football games.  There’ll be higher television ratings and more revenue at the stadiums; everybody will be happy!  I mean, it would make sense, because the NFL is apparently losing so much money that it had to lay off a huge chunk of its workforce due to the economy, despite showing little to no reduction in revenue.

I digress.  Full disclosure: Being a film and video guy, I remember that many people were laid off from NFL Films in Mt. Laurel (near my South Jersey home) as part of the layoffs.

Anywho, having 18 games for a fan — in the words of Dana Carvey’s version of George H.W. Bush — just wouldn’t seem prudent.  It would reduce how important each game is in the standings.  Part of the thrill of watching the NFL week to week is knowing that there has to be a “do-or-die” mentality because each loss stings.  It is much more difficult to overcome a two-game deficit in the NFL than in Major League Baseball.

We already have seen teams at 8-8 sneak into the playoffs.  With 18 games and 6 spots per conference, we could see sub-.500 teams make the playoffs.  That doesn’t exactly sound like fun, competitive playoff football to me.  Then again, it’d probably be a God send for some of those teams in the West, considering what a “powerhouse” they’ve been lately. (Please note sarcasm.)

As a sports fan, there comes a point in the season for every sport where I get sick of the regular season.  I want some playoff action, especially regarding hockey.  In baseball, when August and September comes, no doubt it is exciting, but you just want to get it over with and get to October.  In football, we want to get to January as soon as possible.  Win or go home!  Nose to the grindstone!  Winner take all!

As you can see, I’m running out of little cliché motivational sayings.

Not to mention that the most obvious problem in adding extra games to the NFL schedule: Injuries will play a much larger role.  Football is such an intense sport, and the injury bug plagues teams like the monkey from Outbreak.  Do we really want to increase the chances of good teams folding because the players drop like flies?

Long rant short (Editors Note: too late!), keep the system how it is.  It works, methinks.  I love my NFL season.  Don’t make it so that I stop caring until playoff time like other sports. 

Pretty please, Mr. Goodell.