Now it’s the title of Taking Back Sports Draft Guru for Jack of All Sports, and he didn’t even need to pick the entire first round.

With eight correct guesses despite ignoring the final 11 selections (including the game-winner: predicting the New York Jets to trade up for USC QB Mark Sanchez), Jack edged the hard-charging Commish’s seven draft selections.

Final NFL Mock Draft Standings

1. Jack of All Sports — an easy 8
2. The Commish — an honest 7
3. Dr. Sports Fan – a pathetic 2
4. Brady (Editor) — 1 thank you to Matthew Stafford

Winning the title of Taking Back Sports Draft Guru is one thing. Doing so while leaving over a third of his mock draft blank, that’s the stuff of legend.

As the undefeated master of the Taking Back Sports sports writers, he will be henceforth known as Jack Bauer of All Sports.

-Dr. Sports Fan

Instead of having a room full of scouting directors, front office personnel and a coaching staff, the sports writer is the only one in the room. Really, it’s madness for sports writers, but that doesn’t make it boring.

Although predictions are often the name of the game in sports writing these days (a topic for another day), and really that’s all that many sports writers get paid to do, mock drafts are hardest possible thing for a sports writer to predict. There are stupid owners that make terrible draft picks — and for that, I’m looking at the Dunce Trio of Al “Swamp Thing” Davis, Jerry “Cher” Jones and Daniel “Baby Face” Snyder — and teams trade up and down constantly. It’s a clusterf**k.

But the NFL Draft fun to guess about (and mock, if you will), and maybe that’s why people love reading about it.

Normally, I’d be that guy holed up in that war room — thinking up every possible scenario, reading every relevant NFL Draft publication, and *gasp* reading some Mel Kiper Jr. columns (who, for the same reason it’s fashionable with Nickelback, is irrationally hated because of this whole process, but I digress). For my NFL Mock Draft 2009, I’m trying something new. I’m going to just look at one publication’s ranking (USA Today Sports Weekly NFL Draft Preview) and use the cumulative knowledge I’ve amassed about each NFL team to make my predictions.

Sounds rational enough right?

Hey, the ignorance approached worked for my girlfriend when she won her March Madness pool.

1. Detroit Lions: Matthew Stafford — QB — Georgia

Simple. Easy. Probably wrong? When was the last time the Lions had a franchise quarterback? I don’t have time to research this, but that should help you understand this pick. Good thing Matt Millen isn’t there to screw this one up by taking Michael Crabtree.  If this were an analogy it would read: Crack addict is to crack pipe as Matt Millen is to drafting WRs in the first round.

2. St. Louis Rams: Jason Smith — LT — Baylor

Lose Orlando Pace, replace with a future anchor for the O-Line. I’m not one of those people who think that the left tackle is the most important position on a football team, but it’s definitely in the top five. Interestingly enough, Smith was converted from tight end to left tackle, like current Eagles left tackle Jason Peters. If Smith is voted to two consecutive All-Pro teams, something tells me that Steve Spagnuolo will be happy. Plus, the former Andy Reid assistant will follow his old coach’s mantra of building out from the line of scrimmage.

3. Kansas City Chiefs: Aaron Curry — LB — Wake Forest

Like Spags above, I see former Pats GM Scott Pioli (Belichick’s former eye in the sky) following the New England mold with strong, playmaking linebackers.

4. Seattle Seahawks: Michael Crabtree — WR — Texas Tech

Even with the addition of T.J. Houshmandzadeh, the Seahawks were decimated by injuries at wideout last year. It cost them dearly, as they missed the playoffs for the first time since 2002. So why not take the WR with HUGE INJURY CONCERNS? Ok, just kidding, but why not take the best player in the entire draft (according to “experts” before the draft B.S. kicked into high gear) when it is your biggest position of need?

5. Cleveland Browns: Brian Orakpo — DE — Texas

Because USA Today said so? Actually, new head man Eric Mangini will want to shore up his defense with the alleged best pass rusher in the draft. That didn’t work out so well last year though, so maybe the Man Genius will look to go another direction this year?  Got me.

6. Cincinnati Bengals: Eugene Monroe — LT — Virginia

Best way to cure a historically bad team? Get better on the offensive and defense lines. Drafting Monroe could be a step towards the correct direction after DECADES off the beaten path for Cinci.

7. Oakland Raiders: Jeremy Maclin — WR — Missouri

Maybe the JaMarcus Russell-to-Jeremy Maclin connection will be the stuff of legend. I doubt it, until Swamp Thing goes back into the marsh.

8. Jacksonville Jaguars: B.J. Raji — DT — Boston College

Three straight in a row from the USA Today board. Maybe this is plagiarism, but at least I’m citing my source! Plus, I really love this pick, as the Jags have to miss Marcus Stroud’s presence in the middle of their D-line. In my humble opinion, D-Tackle is also a top-five position on any successful football team.

(For those playing along at home, that gives us two members of the top five — LT and DT.)

9. Green Bay Packers: Andre Smith — LT — Alabama

It’s hard to really tell if a prospect will bust before he’s even drafted. That said, ‘Bama’s Smith looks like he may be the first to claim that throne. Here’s an interesting side note: L.A. Lakers center Andrew Bynum fouled out in the third quarter of Thursday night’s Game 3 loss to Utah. The THIRD QUARTER!! I don’t know what’s worse: a center who picked up six fouls with time left in the third or his coach, Zen-master Phil Jackson, who left him in with five fouls before that. Hard to tell.

10. San Francisco 49ers: Tyson Jackson — DE — LSU

When you think Mike Singletary, you think defense. Why not draft an old-school 6-foot-4, 296 pounder to anchor one side of his 49er defensive line?

By the way, Tyson Jackson sounds a lot like another lotto pick from Baton Rouge, the Chicago Bulls’ Tyrus Thomas.

11. Buffalo Bills — Everette Brown — DE — Florida St.

Earth to Aaron Schobel, come in please.

12. Denver Broncos — Mark Sanchez — QB — USC

Like a diaper, the Broncos change franchise quarterbacks. Hopefully Sanchez doesn’t leak as much as Jay “Cry Baby” Cutler.

13. Washington Redskins — Josh Freeman — QB — Kansas State

I’m thinking that the Redskins would really have liked to have made this pick Sanchez. If they don’t trade up, Freeman will be their consolation prize. Either way, the Jason Campbell experience may be a limited-time engagement in the nation’s capital.

14. New Orleans Saints — Michael Oher — OT — Ole Miss

Why not add a dominant left tackle to protect Brees’ blind spot? Knowshon Moreno could very well end up here.

15. Houston Texans — Rey Maualuga — LB — USC

Maualuga is the first of the heralded USC ‘backer trio to come off the board, but his former running mates will not be far behind. Houston has a solid foundation on offense with Matt Schaub, Steve Slaton, and Andre Johnson at the skill positions. Now it’s time to build around star defensive end Mario Williams and pro bowl linebacker DeMeco Ryans. Maualuga looks like a Ray Lewis clone (but without the whole murder rap thing — oh wait, you didn’t forget about that did you?).

16. San Diego Chargers — Clay Matthews III — DE/LB — USC

Matthews is the second straight Trojan ‘backer off the board. With a proven pedigree (his father, grandfather, and uncle were all NFL stars), Clay III should provide great insurance for a team that could surprise many and jump back into Super Bowl contention. Shawn Merriman was out for the season in2008, and with him went the Chargers’ Super Bowl aspirations. Why not go after the best available rush-linebacker talent left on the board and at least supply your team with another rush option when Merriman inevitably leaves via free agency?

17. NY Jets — Percy Harvin — WR — Florida

The most dangerous weapon on the best team in college football last year becomes perhaps the biggest question mark heading into the pro game. Where will this guy play? Is he a wide receiver? Is he a running back? Does he take the snaps in the Wildcat formation? Does he pour the water on the bench? Can he hold a clipboard? The questions are endless!

18. Chicago Bears — Darrius Heyward-Bey — WR — Maryland

Damn. I keep picking the same position back-to-back. No matter. The Bears need to give Cry Baby a target, and Heyward-Bey brings a ton to the table. He has great size (6-2) and ran the fastest 40 at the combine (4.25). For a QB that has an absolute cannon for an arm, those are some good qualities. I just hope he doesn’t mind changing any diapers.

19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers — Malcolm Jenkins — CB — Ohio St.

I know that Jenkins projects more as a FS than CB in the pro game, but he actually fits the Tampa-2 defense like a glove. While he doesn’t cover like a glove, his 6-foot, 204-pound frame should be ideal to press at the line of scrimmage and support in defensing the run. After watching the beatdown that Carolina gave Ronde Barber on MNF last year, the Bucs could use some size on the outside more than most.

20. Detriot Lions — Eben Britton — OT — Arizona

This is the safe pick after drafting a rookie QB. A good team would make this pick, so I’m doubting that it will happen…

21. Philadelphia Eagles — Knowshon Moreno — RB — Georgia

Does he fall this far? I doubt it. Will I jump for joy, high-fiving Jack of All Sports and The Phoenix in joy and call my dad to excitedly talk football? YES! Will any of this happen? No.

22. Minnesota Vikings — Aaron Maybin — DE/OLB — Penn St.

This will not happen, but I think it would be awesome if the Vikings had four Pro Bowlers (to join Jared “Mullet” Allen and the Williams Pat and Kevin). If I were Brad Childress, I would do two things: (1) buy a hair-piece and (2) trade up for a franchise quarterback in order to stop killing the career of Adrian Peterson. Is it an Andy Reid thing to get a great player and not give him any help?

23. New England Patriots — Brian Cushing — OLB — USC

Cushing falls this low because of the steroid concerns. (OK, I’m just looking for something to justify forgetting him until this point. He did have steroid questions, but they were roundly dismissed. I mean, it was just flaxeed oil and a cream.) This would be the ideal location for a player with Cushing’s skill set, as Charlie Weis recruited him while he was still the offensive coordinator for Bellicheck. They know him and would love him in Foxboro.

24. Atlanta Falcons –Vontae Davis — CB — Illinois

Atlanta couldn’t stop Arizona’s passing attack in the Wild-card round last year, and they could have done some damage had they advanced. Drafting Davis will do a lot to help a talented defense play more aggressively in the future.

25. Miami Dolphins — Brandon Pettigrew — TE — Oklahoma St.

The ‘Fins need a receiver in the worst way, so Bill Parcells looks into his past for the answer. In Pettigrew, Parcells will have a modern-day Mark Bavaro — a tight end who can block and receive with the best. Not only that, but how have we not talked about the Tuna and the ‘Fins? Ta-Ta-Ta Tuna and the Fins.

26. Baltimore Ravens — Hakeem Nicks — WR — UNC

It doesn’t happen much, but the Pittsburgh Steelers physically dominated the Ravens in last year’s AFC Championship Game. Want to stop it? Pick up a big, physical WR to add a little ‘tude and give Joe Flacco a big target to grow with.

27. Indianapolis Colts — Peria Jerry — DT — Mississippi

Stopping the run is always the key for Indy’s playoff hopes. In 2006, Bob Sanders and Booger McFarland keyed the Colts’ surprise run to the Lombardi Trophy. In ‘07 and ‘08, the Chargers ran all over them with Darren Sproles (who earned himself a nice raise with the franchise tag this offseason).

28. Buffalo Bills — Chris Wells — RB — Ohio St.

It doesn’t look like Marshawn Lynch will be the heir-apparent to Thurman Thomas. Time to give Beanie Wells a shot.

29. New York Giants — Kenny Britt — WR — Rutgers

Maybe a reach here for the 6-3 star from Piscataway, but Eli Manning needs a bigger target to throw to now that Plaxico Burress is finally on his way out. Britt is still lanky and has room to fill out in the future.

30. Tennessee Titans — Connor Barwin — OLB — Cincinnati

A former tight end that can hopefully become a playmaker for a Titans defense that will be HURTING without Albert Haynesworth.

31. Arizona Cardinals — Alex Mack — C — Cal

The Secret World of Alex Mack comes to the Valley of the Sun next season. Will there be holes for any ‘Zona running backs, though?

32. Pittsburgh Steelers — William Beatty — OT — Connecticut

The weak spot for the defending champions is the offensive line. Why not start there with the title defense?

Anyway, I’m done.  If you stuck around the whole way, I’m impressed.

More impressed than with my picks anyway…

Okay, I won’t really be that glib. First, let me impress you with how meaningless mine is.

My picks are not based on any sort of insight or intelligence. I simply ordered the top 32 prospects (according to Scouts Inc.) by the number of letters in their name. The first tiebreaker was number of letters in their school’s name, and the second was simple alphabetical order. (Incidentally, this was similar to the system I’ve used to fill out my NCAA bracket the past two years.)

For the most part, I tried to rationalize my picks in an attempt to demonstrate what a load of crap mock drafts are. I thought that if mine sounded reasonable or similar to the myriad others out there, it would prove that it’s all bunk. Unfortunately, my focus waned at points and I made attempts at snarkiness and/or humor.

One final note: This whole draft is even more of a sham due to the fact that Georgia QB Matthew Stafford has already agreed to terms with the Lions.

1. Detroit Lions: QB Matthew Stafford

Unfortunately, Stafford and the Lions operate in reality, which is strictly outside the bounds of my terrifying scenario.

2. St. Louis Rams: WR Darrius Heyward-Bey

Torry Holt’s gone, and Donnie Avery was streaky. Why not break the seal on the WR class this year as well?

3. Kansas City Chiefs: TE Brandon Pettigrew

No Tony Gonzalez, no problem. This guy will actually block.

4. Seattle Seahawks: ILB James Laurinaitis

The Seahawks’ defense was atrocious in 2008. Can’t blame it all on injuries, and Laurinaitis’ blue-collar mentality might be a welcome change for this finesse team.

5. Cleveland Browns: WR Michael Crabtree

Bad news for Braylon Edwards (and likely for the NFC East, where he seems destined to land).

6. Cincinnati Bengals: CB Malcolm Jenkins

Jenkins can start at corner or safety for the Bengals. He could probably start at both positions simultaneously and still be an upgrade over last year’s secondary.

7. Oakland Raiders: RB Knowshon Moreno

A shocker, but the pick makes sense when Al Davis sends Michael Bush and Justin Fargas to the RB-needy Cardinals for Anquan Boldin.

8. Jacksonville Jaguars: DE Everett Brown

Derrick Harvey and Quentin Groves combined for six sacks last year. Another young pass rusher couldn’t hurt.

9. Green Bay Packers: DE Larry English

Pairing English with 2007 first-rounder Justin Harrell and 2006’s A.J. Hawk fortifies the Pack’s front seven for years to come.

10. San Francisco 49ers: OLB Brian Cushing

Ditto the previous pick, except sub 2007’s Patrick Willis for Hawk and 2008’s Kentwan Balmer for Harrell. With Manny Lawson on the roster, though, this gives the Niners an embarrassment of riches at linebacker.

11. Buffalo Bills: DE Tyson Jackson

Jackson will be a formidable end in the NFL, but the Bills may be going back to the well for a pass rusher at pick 28.

12. Denver Broncos: WR Jeremy Maclin

We know Josh McDaniels is unafraid of stirring things up, despite being a rookie head coach. Now he does something his predecessor never could do: get under Al Davis’ skin.

13. Washington Redskins: OLB Clay Matthews

Insert Daniel Snyder joke/observation here.

14. New Orleans Saints: OT Eugene Monroe

Can’t pass on Monroe if he falls this far. Add to strength is the prevailing wisdom for the Saints in this draft.

15. Houston Texans: RB Donald Brown

Ahman Green hasn’t been capable of splitting (let alone carrying) a load since the mid-80s. Get Steve Slaton some help.

16. San Diego Chargers: OT Michael Oher

A down-the-road pick for a team with few needs, although Oher may push for a starting spot.

17.  New York Jets: DE Robert Ayers

Like the bizarro-Saints, the Jets continue to stockpile spells for the wizardry of Rex Ryan.

18. Chicago Bears: S Louis Delmas

Da Bears break the hearts of Cowboys fans with a major reach here. But it certainly is a need for this once-great defense.

19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers: DE Aaron Maybin

Lose a mainstay at linebacker, gain a mainstay at defensive end. At least that’s what the Bucs hope.

20. Detroit Lions: WR Hakeem Nicks

Turns out the Lions loved Roy Williams more than they let on. So they draft his clone (plus or minus a few cheeseburgers).

21. Philadelphia Eagles: CB Vontae Davis

Last season proved that having three top-flight corners is no problem for the Birds. All those crying out for Beanie Wells, I have three words: 1999 NFL Draft. (Which can be condensed to two other words: Shut up.)

22. Minnesota Vikings: OT Eben Britton

When your quarterback is Sage Rosenfels/Tavaris Jackson (or, really, Sage Rosenfels/Anyone) and your top receiver is Bernard Berrian, it’s time to give up on the passing game. Vikes pick a road-grater to take Visanthe Shiancoe’s place and run the ball 45 times a game.

23. New England Patriots: WR Percy Harvin

Similar concept to above, except swap the run and pass games. Also, for the record, all character issues disappear in the magical Foxboro air.

24. Atlanta Falcons: OT Andre Smith

Steal of the draft?

25. Miami Dolphins: DE Brian Orakpo

Bill Parcells needs a new diaper when he sees Orakpo on the board at 25.

26. Baltimore Ravens; QB Mark Sanchez

You thought the Wildcat revolutionized NFL offenses last year? Wait until you see the Ravens’ version of the A-11.

27. Indianapolis Colts: ILB Rey Maualuga

Quick, and no cheating: Name a Colts inside linebacker.

28. Buffalo Bills: DT Peria Jerry

Now the Bills don’t have to wait for John McCargo to pass a physical to seal the deal on a trade. They can just cut him.

29. New York Giants: OLB Aaron Curry

Steal of the draft?

30. Tennessee Titans: RB Chris Wells

Look for Lendale White in a Cleveland Browns uniform next season. NFC East members rejoice as Braylon Edwards heads south.

31. Arizona Cardinals: OT Jason Smith

Steal of the draft.

32. Pittsburgh Steelers: DT B.J. Raji

Casey Hampton won’t be around for ever, and the Stillers feel like Big Ben’s not worth a respectable offensive line.

Let’s see if I know Jack about mock drafts

I do not follow college football that much, nor much of the draft hype for that matter, but I of course will be watching Saturday as it is football and the unofficial start of the NFL, which we all love as sports fans. There is little drama with the No. 1 pick this year, but the draft status of Mark Sanchez is interesting and entertaining. He’s the undisputed No. 2 highest-rated QB in the draft, but all the “experts” are befuddled as to where he may go, as high as four to as low as 12.

As a part of a friendly competition among writers at Taking Back Sports for Draft Guru status, I am submitting my mock draft for everyone to see. Feel free to mock (pun intended) my picks, call me a moron, or whatnot below. I am not an expert, just a fan like you, who is trying to have a little fun with this. Fresh off of my success in calling the Madden Cover (well half-success, but I had the other half as a Contender), maybe I can ride the wave of success in making some interesting mock draft picks that challenge all the “experts” out there.

A somewhat unique approach I’ve taken, I’ve marked certain draft positions with “**” where I think we might see trade activity Saturday afternoon.

1. Matthew Stafford- QB- Detroit Lions

All reports indicate he should be signed by draft day, and this team has some serious rebuilding to do after winning zero games last year. QBs are who you build teams around.

2. Jason Smith- OT- St. Louis Rams

With the top-rated QB off the board, look for the Rams to make the safest pick possible here by taking one of the highest-rated offensive lineman in this year’s draft and address the hole left by the departed Orlando Pace. With Ravens cast-off Kyle Boller on the depth chart behind Bulger, I don’t see the Rams moving back and hoping Mark Sanchez is still in the Green Room.

3. Aaron Curry- LB- Kansas City Chiefs

Only the lowly Lions’ defense was more dreadful last season, and being mentioned in the same sentence as the 2008 Lions is a bad thing. New head man Todd Haley inherits an O-Line that allowed the 12th-most sacks last year and comes from the O-Coordinator job in Arizona, but he’s got Matt Cassel to build the offense around. Time to address the defense.

4. Eugene Monroe- OT-Seattle Seahawks

Here’s where the draft starts to get interesting. Matt Hasselbeck should return healthy this year, and Seneca Wallace and Charlie Frye return to back him up. No reason for Seattle to reach with the No. 4 pick on Mark Sanchez. Rather, with viable receiving weapons Deion Branch, Nate Burleson and T.J. Houshmandzedeh on the team and a strong D when its healthy, look for the Seahawks to upgrade an O-Line that surrendered 36 sacks last season.

5. Tyson Jackson-DE-Cleveland Browns

The big question here is whether Braylon Edwards be gone by the time the Browns are on the clock and, if so, would Cleveland believe his replacement should be the top draft priority. Josh Cribbs, an impressive young speedster, is still behind Edwards, along with veterans Joe Jurevicius and Donte’ Stallworth (for now, although jail time is possible for his DUI case). Regardless, Cleveland’s defense is its biggest problem as I see it. The squad ranked 26th overall last year, 30th in sacks, and surrendered an astronomical 151.9 rushing ypg. The Army could’ve driven a tank through the Browns’ D-Line last year and not run over anyone, and my 79-year-old grandma would’ve had time in the pocket against the Browns to find someone open. Look for Cleveland to address these issues early.

6. Andre Smith-OT-Cincinnati Bengals

Poor Carson Palmer suffered through some serious brutality last season, getting sacked 11 times in only four games before he had to hang it up early last year. His understudies combined to go down another 40 times throughout the season. See a pattern? The Bungles’ O-Line stinks. Only the 49ers and Lions allowed more total sacks, and you read what I wrote before about being mentioned in the same sentence as the Lions. For heaven’s sake, get Carson some protection with the best lineman left on the board. He’s got enough weapons, he just needs some protection so maybe he can stay healthy a full season.

7. Michael Crabtree-WR-Oakland Raiders

Ah the Raiders. Good enough for me last year because they were able to beat the Bucs, allowing the Eagles to crush Dallas and earn a playoff berth, but certainly not good enough for Al Davis and the Raider Nation. There is hope in the East Bay though, thanks to a strong corps of running backs in Darren McFadden and Michael Bush. The Raiders also have a young defense that, while ranked only 27th, really played well overall, especially at the end of the season, considering its offense was almost dead-last in time of possession. With the top three offensive linemen off the board here, take advantage of Crabtree slipping and get JaMarcus Russell/Jeff Garcia a legit deep weapon to throw to.

8. **Brain Orakpo-DE-Jacksonville Jaguars**

The Jags defense was in the middle of the pack last year, but it is very young and should improve. On offense, the Jags could benefit from another WR and another lineman to go with newly signed Tra Thomas. Quarterback is a potential issue, but the Jags signed undrafted rookie Paul Smith last year as their third option. With Smith on the roster, I think the Jags are likely to address the D, specifically the 20th-ranked sack effort last season, rather than go for Sanchez if they in fact pick at No. 8. You heard from “Jack” first: The Jags’ No. 8 pick is an obvious trade target, with no glaring holes in need of immediate attention and Sanchez likely to go somewhere between the eighth and 12th picks.

9. B.J. Raji-DT-Green Bay Packers

The Pack needs the most help on defense and is pretty set on offense with Aaron Rodgers at QB, Ryany Grant at RB, and a solid corps of receivers that includes Donald Driver, Greg Jennings and a bunch of other young guys. Green Bay’s best option here is to address the defensive line, which was M.I.A. much of last season, ranking 26th in rushing ypg allowed. Raji is the best interior D-lineman on the board.

10. **Michael Oher-OT-San Francisco 49ers**

This team rallied behind the tough love of Mike Singletary to finish 7-9. Alex Smith is approaching bust status, and backup Shaun Hill performed strong down the stretch, going 5-3 as the starter to end the season. He had a QB rating greater than 90 in six of the nine games he played. The Niners’ biggest problem is in the trenches. No team, not even the Lions, allowed more sacks last season than the 49ers. The defense was slightly below average, but came together late. Shaun Hill is only 29 and hasn’t taken much punishment in his NFL career as primarily a backup player. If Hill is Singletary’s man, he can last for a while and buy the Niners time on drafting a QB. Look for the Niners to address that dreadful O-Line early, but they are a potential trade target with the top three offensive lineman already off the board and Oher likely to be available five to eight picks later. At the No. 10 pick, plenty of teams behind Frisco are jockeying for position to land the still-available Mark Sanchez.

11. Aaron Maybin-DE-Buffalo

With newly acquired T.O., Buffalo doesn’t have an immediate need at WR. The O-line was average in both the pass- and run-blocking departments last year, and the Bills defense was also an average 14th in the NFL. As one might expect based on these figures, the Bills finished about average: 7-9. With plenty of weapons for Trent Edwards and a serviceable O-Line, the next step for the Bills is to upgrade the defense. Defense still wins championships in this league, and the offensive combo of Edwards-Lynch-Owens alone will not move the Bills out of the AFC East basement.

12. Robert Ayers-DE-Denver Broncos

This defense stunk last year, period. Only the Chiefs and Lions defenses were worse (Seattle gets a pass in my book, due to injury; neither of the other teams here does). Kyle Orton is an obvious downgrade from Jay Cutler, but he’s shown signs recently that he can be an NFL quarterback. If the Broncos want to win the AFC West crown, they better address the defense at No. 12. Mark Sanchez is not the solution to the Broncos’ problem. With three quality QBs in their division (Philip Rivers, Cassel, and Garcia), Denver better address its lack of a pass rush.

13. **Jeremy Maclin-WR-Washington Redskins**

Dan Snyder has been in the news again, reportedly interested in Mark Sanchez. I still have him on my board, but Jason Campbell isn’t a slouch. I think Sanchez would ultimately be an upgrade for the ‘Skins, but they’ve got a big problem that I think will keep them from taking Sanchez: Their next pick isn’t until the middle of the third round. That said, I ultimately look for the ‘Skins to draft a player that can help them immediately in the tough NFC East: Jeremy Maclin. With T.O. and Plaxico Burress out of the picture, Maclin, along with Antwan Randle-El, Malcolm Kelly and Devin Thomas, could combine to give the ‘Skins the most dangerous WR corps in the division. However, this would create a glut of WRs on the depth chart and only an average QB to find them, and we are dealing with Dan Snyder here. He’s capable of anything, so I’ll mark pick No. 13 as potentially being traded.

14. Malcolm Jenkins-CB-New Orleans

The Saints were the Aints on defense last season. Their air assault was tops, but the running game struggled, ranking 28th. There are plenty of RBs on the depth chart, though, so I don’t think the Saints need to draft one. Fixing the defense needs to be the top priority, especially in a division that suddenly is among the toughest in the league and can put up points faster than Dan Snyder can spend money.

15. Brian Cushing-LB-Houston Texans

To the surprise of many, the Texans were third-best in the league at moving the ball last season. But only 22nd-best at stopping other teams from moving it. This defense is in need of a quality, beefy LB in the middle to complement the suddenly awesome Mario Williams on the line. At 6-foot-3, 255 pounds, Cushing fits the bill.

16. **Rey Maualuga-LB-San Diego Chargers**

Living in San Diego and watching the Chargers play the past few seasons, this one is obvious. The Bolts’ secondary is as dreadful as Qualcomm Stadium. Besides Antonio Cromartie, their DBs are as bad as their front seven is good. This team is in dire need of a DB, but at No. 16, it would be a reach to take one this year. Rather, the Chargers are more likely to address the LB position, which is suddenly a concern with Shawne Merriman coming off ACL surgery. I personally think their best move may be to trade back for value with no top DBs outside of Jenkins projected to go in Round 1.

17. **Mark Sanchez-QB-Jet**

I’ll admit it’s a Stretch Armstrong-level reach to have Sanchez the third Trojan drafted, but that’s how I see it without projecting specific trades that may happen (I thoroughly expect a trade involving Mark Sanchez to occur, and I have the Jets as a prime suspect). This would be a perfect fit for the Jets, who just lost Brett Favre to retirement (he did retire, right?). Sure, the Jets have second-year QBs Eric Ainge and Brett Ratliff on the roster, but they’d be drooling at this opportunity, if that’s how things play out. However, the subject of recent draft trade talks, the Jets may very well end up with Sanchez, but via a much higher pick than #17.

18. Josh Freeman-QB-Denver Broncos

The Broncos’ second pick in the round is a tough one for me. They still have work to do on a horrible defense, but Orton and Chris Simms are suspect at QB. Josh Freeman is rapidly gaining popularity and has a quality arm and good legs. First year head coach Josh McDaniels already passed on Sanchez on my projection, but might be inclined to take a QB here and take advantage of the opportunity to mold a young mind. If nothing else, this move would get the attention of Orton, as if he isn’t feeling enough pressure to fill the shoes of a top-five QB.

19. Darrius Heyward-Bey-WR-Tampa Bay Buccaneers

After an epic collapse of Denver Broncos-2008-version proportions and the departure of Jeff Garcia, this team has some work to do to remain competitive in the NFC South. The defense is still solid. I see the Bucs’ best option here as getting another playmaker for the offense to help out a mediocre QB group (Derrick Ward was a start).

20. Eben Britton-OT-Detroit Lions

They’ve addressed the QB position, but there are many more holes to fill. The D blows, but Ernie Sims may develop into a pretty good anchor on that side of the ball. Obviously there are many needs for an 0-16 team, but I think the best move for Detroit is to get some protection for high-money man Stafford. O-Line is the safest draft pick historically, and the Lions franchise is historically cheap, not to mention that the city is in shambles with the economy. The best way to get to fill the seats and make money for continued rebuilding is to develop an offense.

21. **Brandon Pettigrew-TE-Philadelphia Eagles**

All the pundits have Knowshon Moreno here, but I say not so fast. Historically, there is always great depth at running back and the Eagles are among the best at finding diamonds in the rough. I agree the Birds need another RB, but they can wait. TE is a much bigger need for them, with L.J. Smith departed. Celek broke out in the playoffs, but Andy Reid seems committed to running more this season (no, that’s not a typo), and Celek can’t block very well. Pettigrew is the best at his position in the draft and can do both. But this is the Eagles, and they are a prime suspect to move back, as they have the past two years, if they think they can get Pettigrew later. They may also trade this pick away for Anquan Boldin or Braylon Edwards, considering they have lots of cap space and 10 draft picks this year.

I’m tired and have already spent a lot of hours on this, trying to bring fans quality and entertaining analysis. As an Eagles fan, I have little interest in the remainder of the first after this pick, if the Eagles do in fact make a pick at No. 21. Thus, I only offer analysis for two-thirds of round one.

If a RB is not taken in the first 21 picks, Sanchez is on the board until No. 17 and I have correctly marked trade targets, I will likely have done enough to earn the title of Draft Guru at Taking Back Sports without picking 22-32.

Cheers, and happy unofficial start to the NFL!

If you’ve read that already (or only care about mocking my baseless picks), then let’s move on.

I won’t waste your time with pre-mock witty banter or pointless ranting; there’s plenty of that to come.

Let’s get cracking:

1.    Detroit Lions – Matthew Stafford, QB, Georgia

Do I think Stafford is the best quarterback in the draft? Yes, but barely. Do I think he is a franchise quarterback? I’m not so sure. However, quarterbacks are the players who put butts in the seats. I think Aaron Curry is the better choice, but this franchise needs a face. He won’t have the immediate effect like Matt Ryan or Joe Flacco, but he has the tools and demeanor to be a successful NFL QB.

2.    St. Louis Rams – Jason Smith, OT, Baylor

This is about as sure of a pick as you’re going to have on draft day. Smith is a mauler with as much athleticism as any pro tight end (having converted from TE while at Baylor). Add that to the fact that he may be the classiest player in this year’s draft and you have a surefire future All-Pro.

3.    Kansas City Chiefs – Aaron Curry, OLB, Wake Forest

Another no-brainer. Curry is the best player in the draft and the Chiefs need a ton of help in the linebacker corps. He’s strong, athletic, fast and has a high football IQ. He makes all the right plays and finds himself in position more times than not. This will be the first in a long line of great picks by new GM Scott Pioli.

4.    Seattle Seahawks – Eugene Monroe, OT, Virginia

Here’s where things start to get a little tricky. Could Seattle take Sanchez here? Yeah, they could and they probably will. However, previous injuries to Walter Jones (not to mention the fact he isn’t getting any younger) make replacing him a bigger priority than finding the heir to Matt Hasselbeck. Both would be great choices, but Monroe makes more sense.

5.    Cleveland Browns – Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech

This pick solely depends on whether or not the Browns continue to shop Braylon Edwards. If they cease all talks, then they will look for help on defense. If they still want to move him come Saturday and beyond, then Crabtree is the way to go. Either way, I think Cleveland would be making a huge mistake if they pass on Crabtree.

6.    Cincinnati Bengals – Andre Smith, OT, Alabama

After a couple of years where they looked on the verge of greatness, the Bengals have reverted back to the Bungles. They are in complete disarray, from a suspect defense to a receiving corps that suddenly looks in shambles. With Who’s-Your-Momma in the Pac NW and Chad Ocho Cinco Seis Siete asking to be traded (again), receiver could be an option here. However, Palmer needs time to get the ball downfield and Smith is the best OL remaining. Sure, he messed up big-time during combine season, but he’s a hell of a lineman with tenacity and skill. Besides, it’s Cincinnati, could they really do any worse?

7.    Oakland Raiders – Jeremy Maclin, WR, Missouri

Al Davis likes speed. Jeremy Maclin has lots of it. Sure, the Raiders have a bunch of other issues, but who cares? Maclin is greasy fast! Let’s draft him! Let it be known that I like Maclin, just not for the Raiders. Be that as it may, Davis won’t let us down.

8.    Jacksonville Jaguars – BJ Raji, DT, Boston College

With Crabtree and Maclin gone, there is no receiver at this point worth reaching for. The next big need for the Jags is on the defensive line and Raji is the best in the draft in that area. He’s big, he’s strong and he’s a baaaaaaaaaad man. He’ll work wonders for a suddenly Stay-Puff soft Jaguars defense.

9.    Green Bay Packers – Brian Orakpo, DE, Texas

I think I’m the only person that has Green Bay taking Orakpo, but with Smith, Monroe and Raji gone, there really isn’t too much Green Bay can do here but take Orakpo. He’s a big, strong DE, which is a place of need for the Pack. They could also take Aaron Maybin here, but I think Orakpo would be a better fit.

10.    San Francisco 49ers – Mark Sanchez, QB, USC

Being a Niners fan, I’m not sure how I feel about this. I like Sanchez and I think he could be that next great QB in Niners’ lore. Then I think about guys like Jim Drunkenmiller, Alex Smith, Tim Rattay and Ken Dorsey and I feel like throwing up. Personally, choosing Maybin here and partnering him with Patrick Willis and Manny Lawson would be orgasmic. That being said, I think Sanchez is the guy.

11.    Buffalo Bills – Aaron Maybin, DE, Penn State

After back-to-back murmurs, Maybin comes off the board. With the trade of All-Pro OT Jason Peters to the Eagles, tackle has suddenly become a place of concern for the Bills as well. Maybin is too good to pass up at this point and he will be a fine addition for “North America’s Team.”

12.    Denver Broncos – Tyson Jackson, DE, LSU

The third defensive end to come off the board in the last four picks, Jackson is just as good as his counterparts. Built more like a DT, Jackson will provide the porous Broncos D with run stopping and passing-down pressure. They could reach for someone like Josh Freeman here, but I don’t think they need him. Kyle Orton may not be the next coming of John Elway, but then again, neither was Jay Cutler.

13.    Washington Redskins – Robert Ayers, DE, Tennessee

That’s right, another defensive end. Washington could also look at Ole Miss OT Michael Oher, but I think the run on ends will continue. Chainsaw Dan could also trade up to get Sanchez, but that would be downright foolish. Maybe I’m missing something, but what’s wrong with Jason Campbell? If you have an answer, please let me know so I can tell Snyder to stop running his QB over with the Trade Rumor truck.

14.    New Orleans Saints – Malcolm Jenkins, CB, Ohio State

This pick comes down to a pair of Buckeyes: Jenkins and RB Beanie Wells. The Saints could use Wells to complement Reggie Bush, but they are dying for help in the secondary. Jenkins is by far the best DB in this draft and he will provide a little bit of consistency in the secondary, whether as a corner or a safety.

15.    Houston Texans – Everette Brown, DE, Florida State

This is the last defensive end of the first round, I promise. This pick will make five ends picked in the first 15 selections. With the lack of safeties and nose tackles in this draft, Brown becomes the best available player for Houston’s needs. They could also take Wells to complement RB Steve Slaton, but adding another bookend to 2006 #1 pick Mario Williams will go a long way to solidifying Houston’s front seven.

16.    San Diego Chargers – Chris Wells, RB, Ohio State

Tomlinson is getting old. Sproles is a situational scat back. Wells is the perfect choice, if he falls past the Saints. USC LB’s Brian Cushing or Clay Matthews could also come of f the board here as well.

17.    New York Jets – Josh Freeman, QB, Kansas State

I know there are a lot of question marks about Freeman but I’m not convinced the Jets believe in any of the signal-callers they currently have on the roster. Regardless, wasting another high draft pick on a QB could prove costly to first-year coach Rob Ryan. If they pass on Freeman, expect one of the receivers to get selected here, either Darrius Heyward-Bey or Kenny Britt.

18.    Denver Broncos – Peria Jerry, DT, Mississippi

No first-round worthy QB’s are left and the Broncos took a DE with their first selection. The other glaring need is in the middle of the defensive line and Jerry is the next-best DT.

19.    Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Brian Cushing, OLB, USC

Tampa Bay needs a replacement for Derrick Brooks. Cushing is the best OLB not named Aaron Curry. With Freeman gone, this pick is a no-brainer.

20.    Detroit Lions – Michael Oher, OT, Mississippi

The Lions took their franchise quarterback with their first pick, so it only makes sense they find a way to protect him with the second one. Moreno could be a surprise pick here as well, partnering him with Georgia teammate Stafford.

21.    Philadelphia Eagles – Knowshon Moreno, RB, Georgia

While he may be one of the best running backs in the NFL, Brian Westbrook isn’t getting any younger. Moreno is similar in build and skill set to Westbrook, and would be the perfect replacement when Westbrook’s time comes. The Eagles could also reach for Arizona OT Eben Britton or any of the remaining receivers (Heyward-Bey, Britt, Hakeem Nicks, Percy Harvin).

22.    Minnesota Vikings – Darrius Heyward-Bey, WR, Maryland

While not filling a major need for the Vikings, adding another deep threat to their offense couldn’t hurt. Then again, names like Troy Williamson and Sidney Rice come to mind. Vikings fans have every right to feel a little woozy with this pick.

23.    New England Patriots – Clay Matthews, OLB, USC

Mike Vrabel, Version 2.0. Nuff said.

24.    Atlanta Falcons – Rey Maualuga, ILB, USC

I originally had Oklahoma State TE Brandon Pettigrew going off the board here, but with the trade of Tony Gonzalez, drafting a TE here becomes absolutely pointless. This becomes a value pick and Maualuga provides the best remaining value.

25.    Miami Dolphins – Vontae Davis, CB, Illinois

Personally, I think Davis is incredibly overrated. He’s a tad slow coming out of his break and his ball skills leave a little to be desired. However, the Dolphins need a corner and Davis is the best one left. Nicks, Harvin or Britt could also come off here.

26.    Baltimore Ravens – Hakeem Nicks, WR, North Carolina

So begins the late-round run on wide receivers. Nicks is a big (and recently overweight) target with great hands and solid route-running. He will provide QB Joe Flacco with a nice target opposite the Ageless Wonder, Derrick Mason.

27.    Indianapolis Colts – Kenny Britt, WR, Rutgers

Indy needs a replacement for All-Pro Marvin Harrison and Britt is a fine choice. Harvin would have been the pick here but I just don’t see the Colts taking a flyer on him after he failed his pre-draft drug test.

28.    Buffalo Bills – Brandon Pettigrew, TE, Oklahoma State

Buffalo is doing backflips and cartwheels at the thought of Pettigrew, the draft’s No. 1 tight end, falling this far. Adding Pettigrew to receivers Lee Evans and the Human Cancer will give Trent Edwards plenty of options in the passing game.

29.    New York Giants – Percy Harvin, WR, Florida

I’m not sure how thrilled the Giants will be to bring in another questionable receiver after jettisoning Cheddar Plex out of the Garden State (yes, they play in Jersey, get over it). Even with that mess, Harvin is WAY TOO GOOD to drop out of the first round, which would happen if the Giants don’t take him here. He’s a top-10 talent and an incredible value for the late first round.

30.    Tennessee Titans – James Laurinaitis, ILB, Ohio State

Tennessee should take a receiver here but they won’t. Their next big need is in the middle of the linebacker corps and Laurinaitis is the second-ranked ILB in this year’s draft. He’s not the most athletic guy in the world but the man makes every play. Besides, with a dad like his (Road Warrior and former Tag Team wrestling champ Joseph “Animal” Laurinaitis), would you be dumb enough not to draft him?

31.    Arizona Cardinals – Donald Brown, RB, Connecticut

I think Donald Brown has the potential to be the best running back in this year’s draft. He’s not the biggest guy in the world, but he runs with purpose and isn’t afraid to get hit. With Edgerrin James showing his age last year and Hightower making his name in goal-line situations, Brown would be the perfect complement to all of that high-flying passing talent they have in the desert.

32.    Pittsburgh Steelers – Eben Britton, OT, Arizona

There’s not much to say about the champs. Their offensive line is getting old and could use a little revitalization. Britton is the best remaining tackle and should be the final pick of the first round. Cal C Alex Mack could also make his way to the Steel City. Rest assured, a lineman is coming off the board to end the round.

There’s the first round as I see it. Knowing my track record, the Lions will take Jason Smith and throw the whole draft out of whack.

As long as I beat Kiper, that’s all that matters. Oh well, guess we’ll find out Saturday.