Events occur in real time.

11:30 a.m.

I felt it was a prime time to leave work and make the drive up from San Diego to Anaheim to beat traffic.

Much to my surprise, I did not encounter any traffic and made the trip from San Diego to Anaheim in 80 minutes. That doesn’t count the 20 minutes it took to get to my dad’s (a.k.a. the Power Guy) hotel with the road closures for the All-Star Game parade. I’m glad I was able to witness was Anaheim’s finest on horseback blocking my path down the street I expecting to use.

1:00 p.m.

I parked my car and met up with the Power Guy for our first stop on the All-Star tour: Fan-fest. As I walked through, I couldn’t help but notice how much was on sale. It truly is a shame how commercial sports have become. Fan Fest in my opinion is supposed to be a celebration of the history of baseball and the All-Star game, with a specific dedication to the host team. Instead, what I saw was complete domination by “official” All-Star game stores and merchants.

The Anaheim Convention Center, site of the 2010 All-Star Game Fan Fest. (Jason Branch)

There were some cool aspects of the Fan Fest, such as old uniforms and memorabilia in cases, and an entire convention center decorated in items representing all of the teams. But overall, the entire event was all about shopping and events geared towards kids. At the age of 24, perhaps I am starting to become an old man and events like a Fan Fest might have passed me by.

2:30 p.m.

After Fan Fest, Power Guy and I made our way into the parking lot of Angels Stadium for a pre-game party with free food, open bar, and a concert featuring Train. Unfortunately, only 36 hours removed from my weekend in Vegas, I chose to pass on the open bar. We did, however, randomly sit at a table with the mayor of Anaheim. He was a very nice guy, and I chatted with him for a few minutes.

4:15 p.m.

When we finally made it inside the stadium, there were a lot of All-Star game decorations. They even had a sign with pictures of the American League starting lineup. Unfortunately, I did not find one for the National League, which just so happened to be the team I would be rooting for as a Dodgers fan.

Jack and Power Guy at the All-Star Game, both unintentionally wearing identical Dodgers golf shirts. (Jason Branch)

4:30 p.m.

Our seats are in the last row of the third level right near the right field corner foul pole. The scorching late afternoon sun was in our faces, but that didn’t stop the three stereotypically obnoxious New York Yankees fans from being annoying.

5:00 p.m.

I don’t know what’s worse: annoying New York fans or Joe Buck’s voice on the PA announcing the starting lineups. Literally 15 minutes prior, I had tweeted that the best part of attending the All-Star Game was not having to listen to Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Foiled!!

(You can follow me @JBauerOfSports.)

5:30 p.m.

At last, the game started. Much to my chagrin, pregame festivities did not include Bud Selig, thus depriving me the opportunity to boo him. While we had a decent view from our seats, my camera’s zoom lense improved my ability to watch the action.

During the NL pre-game introductions, I took specific notice of Cincinnati Reds pitcher Arthur Rhodes and Atlanta infielder Omar Infante. Both players, especially the 40-year old-Rhodes, are having solid seasons, but those players stole the spot of Padres’ starting pitcher Mat Latos, who, as of the All-Star break, had the lowest batting-average-against in all of baseball. I understand the logic of NL manager Charlie Manuel in selecting both guys to play niche roles in trying to win the game, especially since Bud Selig destroyed an exhibition meant for the fans after that fateful All-Star game in Milwaukee, but come on Chuck!

7:30 p.m.

Jack Bauer gets a Congressional-style bail out! One of Power Guy’s contacts hatched a plan to smuggle us out of the blistering heat into a box. What a relief! For the duration of the game, we watched from a luxury box and had an awesome view of some of the finest baseball players in the world. Another plus: I was able to take much better pictures of the game.

A few pieces of personal observation and thought I had throughout the game:

• Most of the people at the game were Angels fans, but there was still a lot of Dodger blue in the stands and several patches of Red Sox and Yankees fans. A lot of San Diego Padres fans made the drive up the 5. My TBS colleagues, Dr. Sports Fan and The Phoenix, would be happy to know there were some scattered Phillies fans.
• In a nice tribute to the late Yankees public address announcer Bob Sheppard, his voice introduced Derek Jeter when he came to the plate. I learned from someone in the box that this has been done at all Yankees games specifically for Jeter since Sheppard retired.
• Detroit’s Justin Verlander’s delivery is very similar to that of the legendary Sandy Koufax.

9:50 p.m.

Detriot Tigers' ace Justin Verlander pitches in the 2010 All-Star Game with a delivery eerily similar to Sandy Koufax's. (Jason Branch)

Top of the 7th inning, and NL manager Charlie Manuel strikes again! After the NL put runners at 1st and 3rd with one out, with Dodgers stud lefty Andre Ethier (who already had a hit in the game) due to bat. To no surprise, AL manager Joe Girardi lifted Yanks pitcher Phil Hughes in favor of a left-handed arm, which was in the form of Chicago White Sox reliever Matt Thornton. My first reaction at the time, “who’s he????” (Check out new TBS contributor QuinceWAR’s column about the All-Star Game to find out more about Thornton.)

Quick stat check: Ethier has a .288 batting average against left-handed pitching this season. I like those odds, especially since Ethier had to be pumped with an opportunity to deliver a big hit close to home and possibly win the game’s MVP award.

As Thornton took his warm up tosses, I saw Ethier walk towards the dugout and Arizona Diamondbacks batsman Chris Young emerge into the on deck circle.

Nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!

I very patiently waited for the PA announcer to announce the lineup change before I unleashed my inner Eagles fan by booing the move by Manuel, which was lightly matched by Dodgers fans, though not nearly to my extent. I am an Eagles fan, so you know that I can boo! Granted, I understand “Chuck’s” commitment to get other players into the game, but why remove Ethier in that spot less than 50 miles from Dodgers Stadium?

9:56 p.m.

After my fierce booing, my rage resumed with an angry text to Dr. Sports Fan attacking his manager. The doctor responded that Manuel is “not the best baseball tactician”. Word Doc.

Young’s effort resulted in a weak pop out in foul territory, which drew more booing from myself and the Dodgers contingent. Fortunately for Manuel and me, Atlanta Braves backstop Brian McCann’s bases-clearing, three-run double gave the NL a 3-1 lead.

10:15 p.m.

After the 7th inning stretch, with the AL trailing, the stadium operator responded with traditional Angels home game tactics to rally the crowd, which of course included several appearances from the “Rally Monkey.” It sure rallied the crowd but not so much for the AL. Dodgers closer Jonathan Broxton — who received a warm welcome from the Dodger fan base — closed the door on the AL in the 9th inning to save the 3-1 win for the NL.

Los Angeles Dodgers closer Jonathan Broxton pitches a scoreless 9th inning to earn the save for the NL. (Jason Branch)

After the game, Power Guy and I stuck around for a brief while and caught the MVP award presentation to McCann. This was when I finally got the opportunity I had been salivating over for month: Bud Selig took the stage.

As Selig took the microphone to present the award to McCann, I unleashed another round of “Eagles-fan” style booing. I wasn’t alone. The rest of the remaining crowd was booing!! Another item off of my Sports Bucket List: Boo Bud Selig in person.

9:30 p.m.

Power Guy and I left the box to go to an after-party outside of the stadium. Like the pre-game party, this event also featured baseball food, live music, and open bar — which I again passed on.

10:00 p.m.

This after-party was just a lame gathering of various corporate employees, so Power Guy and I went back to the hotel. Perhaps I would have taken advantage of the open bar if (1) I wasn’t there with my dad and (2) didn’t have to drive home.

10:15 p.m.

We said our good-byes, and I drove home. I fought hard to stay awake on my drive home to San Diego. I was really running on fumes by this point a mere 36 hours removed from a three-day weekend in Vegas.

11:29 p.m.

Home sweet home after 900 miles of driving from Friday to Tuesday, and it was worth every one of them.

11:29:57

11:29:58

11:29:59

11:30:00

This year’s All-Star Game was held at Angel Stadium of Anaheim. With so many sluggers packed into each scorecard, it is hard to believe that only four total runs were scored. One of those runs, however, scored after an awful throw by Hong-Chih Kuo which sailed over the head of Adrian Gonzalez.

So that’s three earned runs, all of which scored thanks to a Brian McCann double. It was a great piece of hitting, but he pretty much needed to run into that 98 mph mistake fastball from Matt Thornton. After all, facing Matt Thornton is no walk in the park. Thornton has been an elite relief pitcher since 2008. Looking at some sabermetrics, he trails just Mariano Rivera and Jonathon Broxton in fielding-independent pitching (FIP) and wins above replacement (WAR) since then.

Three earned runs crossing the plate between 40 of the best hitters in all of baseball. Obviously, with such stacked rosters, you’d think that the All-Star Game would be an annual slugfest.

What gives?

Obviously, pitching prevails. If you can suppress the offense — even if it’s a lineup highlighted by the likes of Miguel Cabrera, Robinson Cano, and Josh Hamilton — you’ll win ballgames. And that’s just what the National League squad did, holding the AL squad to just one measly, unearned run.

Look at the past All-Star Games. Only five times in All-Star Game history has a team scored double digit runs. Five. Out of 162 possible teams, only five have scored 10 or more runs.

What does this say about pitching and defense? When it’s good, it wins. You don’t need to light up the scoreboard to win ballgames. You just need to pitch well, play solid defense, and hope that one of your hitters runs into a mistake.

The AL squad showcased arguably the best defensive outfield combination in the majors with Josh Hamilton, Carl Crawford, and Ichiro. They each posted Ultimate Zone Ratings (UZR) of 2.6, 15.8, and 8.2, respectively. The AL infield was made up by notoriously soft-handed third baseman Evan Longoria, who’s 1.6 UZR is a huge dip from the 17.7 he posted last year and Robinson Cano, who sports a healthy 5.6 UZR. The AL reserve infielders also play solid defense. A couple of Ranger middle infielders, Ian Kinsler and Elvis Andrus both have positive ratings this year (2.8 and 2.7, respectively).

The NL lineup also had a few plus defenders. David Wright has a 3.3 UZR and Martin Prado has a 1.1 UZR so far this year. The NL bench was also slick with the leather. Outfielders Chris Young and Marlon Byrd posted UZRs of 3.1 and 8.6, respectively. Meanwhile, Reds infielders Scott Rolen and Brandon Phillips were rated at 1.8 and 4.8, respectively.

As teams like the 2008 Tampa Bay Rays and (to a certain extent) the 2009 Seattle Mariners experience success, it’s crystal clear that bulging muscles and steroids aren’t entirely necessary to win ballgames. All you really need is a baseball mitt and a little athleticism.

Going forward, I hope that teams realize that good pitching and defense overcome good hitting. After all, when the best of the best face off, runs are hard to come by.

Bias alert: I hate the Yankees more than any team in any sport. Watching maybe the best Phillies team ever still lose to New York in the World Series was excruciating. One of my dad’s favorite Jack Nicholson quotes, “I’d rather stick needles in my eyes!” oddly applies in the situation. So my feelings for “Mr.” Steinbrenner are not the warmest. Between you and me, I didn’t really like the man.

But I did respect him.

Since Steinbrenner purchased the team in 1973, the Yankees have won seven championships. That’s one out of every five World Series for a period of 36 years! Add 11 American League titles, 16 division titles, and three wildcard berths, and New York was in the American League playoffs for more than half of the years that he was the owner. Now that’s a leader I can get behind.

Of course you can’t make an omelet without breaking any eggs. Forget breaking eggs, Steinbrenner would crack some skulls  if his Yankees were not the alpha-franchise of baseball, and his managers always seemed to get the worst of it. He tortured Joe Torre, whose only sin was not winning every World Series — just four of them; he yo-yoed Billy Martin, who was actually a five-time manager of the Yankees (imagine Larry Bowa as a five-time manager of the Phillies); and fired Buck Showalter after he guided New York to the playoffs for the first time in 14 years. Tough guy to please, no question about it.

World Series or bust. That was Steinbrenner’s creed, and it was the Yankee Way for better or worse. Just know that most of the time, it was for better because of George Michael Steinbrenner III.

(Haha, his name is George Michael.)

World Series Trivia Question: Without Googling this, try to name the team with the second-most World Series Championships since Steinbrenner took control of the Yankees in 1973. (Answer after All-Star Game recap.)

All-Star Game Recap

Last year, I did a running diary of the 2009 All-Star Game and was planning on making it an annual tradition. However, since Jack of All Sports is at the game, I figured I’d just do a quick recap this year instead.

At the start of Fox’s coverage of the All-Star Game, Fox Sports played an interesting quick self-promotion. After listing several sports channels under the Fox brand, the announcer called Fox “the greatest collection of sports networks in the world”. Fox followed that little humble opening with an incredibly heavy-handed opening with a father and son looking into a multi-million dollar telescope with the announcer waxing poetic about how we marvel at stars. There’s more I could say, but it would only bore you to read something so corny.

I’m guessing that ESPN — the other worldwide leader — wouldn’t have done that…

So on to the game. Funny how pitching and defense rule the day in the MLB All-Star Game when nearly every other sport is violently skewed in favor of offenses.

Speaking of pitching, I bow down to David Price. I’m not worthy! In a thrilling opening to the All-Star Game, Price was dialing it up, Pedro-style circa ‘99 in Fenway. With a fastball that was consistently in the high 90s and hit 100 miles-per-hour twice, Price had Hanley Ramirez trying to hit the ball the other way. In fact, Hanley looked more like I did playing little league ball than the 30-home run, .300 batting average star that he supposedly is. I was really excited to see the Albert Pujols-Price matchup, though not as excited as Joe Buck was talking about how the greatness of Pujols — he practically wet himself. As for the outcome: Price decisioned Prince Albert, getting him to fly out to Ichiro, who made a nice play to snag down it down in the right-centerfield gap.

Price made that inning an event.

I don’t know what made Ryan Howard look younger: his baby face, that huge helmet, or Price’s 98 mph heater. As I said before, I’m liking this Price guy.

After watching Pettitte shut down the National League in order in the third, a theory came to me on why pitching dominates the All-Star Game. Starting pitchers know they’ll only be in for one inning or two at max, so they come out and dial it up Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn style. No one is pacing themselves for quality start, and the radar gun was flaming around the high 90s way more than usual. Is there someway to find out which, if any, starting pitchers are consistently in the high 90s for an entire start? I’ll come back to this subject another time. (Thanks to FOX for telling us that Price hit 100 mph, and that Verlander and Josh Johnson each hit 99 mph. Broxton later hit 99.)

P.S. Finally the National League won an All-Star Game! Big thanks to Brian McCann and former Phillie Marlon Byrd!

World Series Trivia Answer: It’s a tie between the Oakland A’s and the Cincinnati Reds with three World Series titles apiece since 1973. Combined they possess one fewer World Series title than Steinbrenner’s Bronx Bombers.

A few years ago, Bud Selig changed all of that. Now the All-Star Game “matters”.

For some inexplicable reason, Bud decided that an exhibition game, where the fans vote for the starting line-up, determines home field advantage in the World Series.  Logic would say that the team with the better record in the regular season deserves the reward of home field advantage in the World Series. That’s something fairly obvious to everyone — except Bud Selig, I guess.

(Since the All-Star Game has decided home-field advantage in the Fall Classic, the American League hasn’t lost. This includes the 2009 All-Star Game.)

The All-Star Game itself has also suffered. Every year, a few head-scratchers make the All-Star team (every franchise gets one All-Star representative), and up until a few years ago, that’s all they were.  Now, players who don’t deserve to be All-Stars — and play for last-place clubs — play key innings in the fight for home-field advantage in the World Series.

On that note, let’s look at the lineups and see which questionable All-Stars could figure into the outcome of the game and home-field advantage in the World Series. In the National League, the first name that jumped out to me was Omar Infante. Sure, he may be having a good year… for Omar Infante! Why is he there, especially when he has fewer home runs than Yovanni Gallardo? Well, NL Manager Charlie Manuel felt that he needed a utility infielder, just in case. As stupid as that sounds, can you really blame Charlie for wanting a player who can play any position when home field advantage is on the line?

Next up is starting catcher Yadier Molina? Does Molina really deserve to start over Brian McCann, much less even make the team over Miguel Olivo? Jose Reyes over Rafeal Furcal? Should Joey Votto have to wait until the “Final Vote” get him in?!  He’s got the best OPS (On-base plus Slugging) in all of baseball!  But, Manuel has no need for a fourth first baseman. And while Jason Heyward may have been anointed the greatest rookie hitter of all time prior to the season, his numbers pale in comparison to other NL outfielders.  None of this should matter, but because Bud Selig changed the game’s meaning, all of it does.

I think Charlie Manuel got it right by not picking Stephen Strasburg for the All-Star game this year. Although it would be amazing — and probably good for the game — to have the kid out there with that heat and that curveball, putting him in the game would mean another player was left out. That player would probably be Evan Meek. Most of you have probably never heard of him, but Manuel plucked him out of the NL’s Triple-A team, also known as the Pittsburgh Pirates. His fantastic ERA (0.98) and WHIP (0.87) make him a linchpin in the NL bullpen. Strasburg will get his All-Star nods, so why rush him now with when he’s already got an innings limit this year?

While I agree with the Strasburg decision, an entire team of pitchers was ignored. No Padres pitcher made the All-Star game even though San Diego has the best earned-run average in baseball.

As for the American League, I think the fans and managers got it right for the most part. I could throw in a few deserving names that were left off the list — Paul Konerko, Brennan Boesch, Michael Young, Jared Weaver, Shin-Soo Choo — but I would just be nitpicking.  Weaver got the invite after CC Sabathia was named ineligible since he’s pitching for the Yankees on Sunday.  The problem is, Weaver is also pitching on Sunday.  Now they’ll need a second replacement for Sabathia AND Weaver.

If the game had no meaning, I’d have no problems with any player picked or snubbed and could just enjoy the game for what it is/should be. Still, I know exactly where I’ll be on Tuesday: on my couch, feet up, brew in-hand, and watching the MLB All-Star game.

Who else finds it odd that this exhibition game has to be for homefield advantage in the World Series? It’s a sad state for professional sports when an All-Star game needs to have postseason implications for it to “matter,” but somehow Bud Selig made that happen.

Additionally, I always think it looks weird when All Star players wear their individual team jerseys instead of an All Star jersey, and it’s a different sort of game when starting pitchers only work an inning just like closers. It just never felt like a normal professional baseball game to me.

But that’s not going to stop me from writing my first running diary on the 2009 MLB All-Star Game.  So with my new 42” HDTV and DVR — I taped the game while I was at work on the West Coast — it’s time for my first Bill Simmons Honorary Running Diary.

Opening Introductions for the Mid-Summer Classic

-The St. Louis fans were giving some nice ovations. Former Cardinals great and current L.A. manager Joe Torre got the best cheers for anyone that is not a current Cardinal. According to everyone and their mother, St. Louis has the best and most knowledgeable baseball fans in the country. (Or was it world?) Chances are we’ll hear that little nugget of information again.

-Congrats to Ted Lilly, the only player booed by the great St. Louis Cardinal fans.  Guess St. Louis really hates the Cubs.

-During introductions, I noticed former Phillie free-agent bust Ryan Franklin made the roster and CHECK OUT THAT FACIAL HAIR! He would’ve been my favorite Phillies player if he had remained on the team with that chin action. Jayson Worth has nothing on this guy.

-How does Joe Buck ruin everything? Had to say “Here we go St. Louis” before Pujols’ intro, didn’t ya? I don’t know why his words made it all so annoying. Maybe I’m the problem … moving on.

-I can’t be the first to say that Tim Lincecum looks like the grown-up version of Mitch Kramer from Dazed and Confused. I really can’t be, right? Please tell me Bill Simmons has mentioned this several times.

-After seeing Barack Obama, George W. Bush, and Bill Clinton in the military bit, I’m wondering: Will all living presidents really be on this PSA?

-Bush the first is on. C’mon Jimmy! One more!

-YES!  Jimmy Carter made it. BEYOND COMMITMENT!

-I have DVR. I’m going to skip through the rest of this bit on the military. I guess I’m not BEYOND CARING!  On a related note, I’m going to hell. I hope SPF 50 works down there…

(Truthfully, I am thankful for our armed servicemen, and these people are pretty impressive. I didn’t end up fast forwarding and watched all five in the program.)

-Even amongst the other four living presidents, it’s pretty apparent that Obama can hold his own in a speech.

-Cool scene on the field when the All-Stars went up and congratulated those soldiers. I thought this was going to be too corny for me but man was I wrong. Well done.

-Can things get any worse, Hollywood? Michael Strahan has his own sitcom? Note to self: Move to L.A. They are running out of actors.

-Sheryl Crow seemed nervous during the national anthem. (Can’t say I blame her.) She did, however, hit her stride by the end.

-I love it when they bring out the stealth bomber for a flyover. I wonder though, does anyone even know it’s there? Shouldn’t it just pass over without anyone knowing? Oh wait, that joke’s shot after a loud jet-like sound just came over the TV.

-New promo for House looks sick. This is very much the way House should have ended up – in a mental institution. For a show that was exactly the same for five seasons to finally come through with a new angle, they’ve earned my viewership in the fall season.

-CLEVELAND SHOW! Sold. Can’t wait.

-Major League Baseball seems like a fraternity to me. When you’re a Hall of Famer, they trot you out like alumni, talk about how great you are, and give you a nice colored jacket. Speaking of which, I’ve been meaning to visit the College of New Jersey one of these days…

-The crowd’s reaction to Obama has to be the perfect indicator of his standing with the American people: a tremendous ovation with an undercurrent of boos. I can see tomorrow’s FOX News headline now: “St. Louis lustily boos Obama, why Sarah Palin would’ve thrown an 86 mph strike for the first pitch.”

-It’s been more than 40 minutes since the All-Star game was set to begin, and I just gained nothing from the experience. Here is what we’ve learned in the past 40 min: (1) We should be proud of our soldiers. (Check.) (2) President Obama cannot reach the plate, but. George W. Bush can certainly bring it.

-Ken Rosenthal is abnormally tiny. Whose idea was it to have him stand right next tall professional athletes in interviews? I blame Joe Buck.

The GAME

-Ichiro nearly put the NL in the whole before I blinked. That might’ve been game right there, especially since the AL is undefeated in All Star Games since ‘96. Losing streaks always wear heavily on a ball club, but can it transfer between All-Star rosters? I vote yes.

-This just in, Derek Jeter is good at two-strike hitting according to color man – I mean play-by-play announcer – Joe Buck.

-Ouch!!! Yankees fans must love seeing Jeter get hit in by a pitch in the All Star game. Oh wait, this one matters so way to take one for the team Captain Yankee! He’ll do anything to win a game.

-I think Jeter is fuming like Ben Affleck was in Dazed and Confused. If Lincecum is limping when he returns to San Fran, chances are Jeter paddled him circa 1976 after the game.

-Thanks to the defensive wizardry of both Lincecum and Pujols, 2-0 AL after a half-inning.

-How underrated is Michael Young? The six-time All-Star just made a slick defensive play at third to rob a screamer by Pujols. The guy started his career playing shortstop, switched to second base to accommodate Alex Rodriguez, back to shortstop after he left, and now he’s the All-Star starter for the American League at third base. Wow. Henceforth, Young shall be known as the Underrated Michael Young in these circles.  In other news, the NL went down in order.

-Obama’s making Tim McCarver giddy in the broadcast booth during the president’s visit to the broadcast booth in the bottom half of the second. Joe Buck, meanwhile, is in the zone, talking to Obama as though he were as inconsequential a guest as Dave Winfield. Somehow Joe Buck’s kudos to Obama seemed like how he would congratulate a grade schooler on a B- grade for an English quiz.

Now if Stan Musial were in the booth…

-Joe Buck does not miss an opportunity to hate (that’s disrespect or “diss” to those not up on the lingo) on anybody. He just had to get in that shot about the Nats firing their manager.

-Obama likes the Phillies! This is great. (That is Philly Phan moment number one to those keeping score at home.)

-In case anyone else was wondering, Joe Buck wanted to remind everyone that the NL hasn’t won an All-Star game since ’96. I count two references to that dubious stat. Both by Joe Buck. Something tells me Buck has at least five more in him by the end of the night.

-Back-to-back-to-back hard-hit singles by NL hitters David Wright, Shane Victorino, and “Which Molina?” (judges: Yadier) ties the game at two! Extra points to the Flyin’ Hawaiian for good hustle sprinting to third, forcing the errant throw that tied it, and Molina for the hometown excitement. (Philly Phan moment number three.)

-The NL takes the lead! It’s now a 3-2 game after Home Run Derby champ Prince Fielder’s ground-rule double brings home Molina.

-After inspiring hope in the country’s educated liberals in the election and now the NL in the second, President Obama steps down from the broadcast booth/inspiration chamber after Hanley Ramirez can’t bring Fielder home. So ends a fun bottom half to the second.

-“No, thank you so much Mr. President.” — Joe Buck.

-Did Tim Lincicum really make the major leagues because his dad put down a dollar bill to make him finish his windup? See dad, you should have just given me more money when I was a kid, and I’d be a pro ballplayer — making millions. What a ridiculous commercial. (When I’m in hell, I’ll remember that it’s a public service announcement reminding dads to be more active with their children.)

-How is Ryan Franklin this good? My best guess: that squirrel on his chin.

-1-2-3 inning for Ryan Franklin in the All-Star Game. I would have bet my life in 2006 that I wouldn’t have typed those words. My life.

-I love Taco Bell — ask anyone. I even liked that corny “If you like Pina Coladas” commercial. No joke.

-Bank of America is going to get a terrific tax break for its charitable donation during tonight’s All-Star Game (BofA is donating $5,000 for each hit in tonight’s game). The only other possible charitable donation from BofA: their customer service reps give you a break on the first of seven $35 overdraft fees for transactions that totaled $8.50. But I don’t want you to think that happened to me last year … twice.

-Buerhle with a quick 1-2-3 inning. Still 3-2 NL after three.

(Just took a quick hot-tub interlude. That is reason No.56 for buying a DVR. Reason No.1, you ask? Taping the All Star game while at work so that you can watch it when you get home.)

-The Underrated Michael Young sends a hot shot past David Wright for a two-out single, but Aaron Hill can do nothing about it as we go to the bottom half of the third with the NL leading 3-2.

-Will anyone actually see G.I. Joe in theaters? I for one never envisioned Channing Tatum and a Wayans brother (judges: Marlon) starring in the film adaptation of one of the all-time great little-kid cartoons. I’ll believe anything Nostradamus said if we find out he predicted this.

-Is MasterCard really giving out the perfect pair of jeans? If so, who determines the perfect jeans? Personally, I prefer my jeans broken in, in that medium color (between faded and dark), and just about to have holes form in them. It’s a shame because the perfect pair of jeans are about to become very ugly looking when hole rips open on my backside…

-If playing other All-Stars is any indication, the AL definitely has more top-of-the-rotation guys.

-First positive thing Joe Buck said all night (officially) took place with Carl Crawford at the plate with no outs in the top of the fifth: “If you are trying and attempting to keep a scorecard at home, I applaud you.” President Obama was in the booth with him three innings ago. So let’s recap: becoming the first black president is ok, but you should be really proud of yourself for keeping score at home during the All Star Game

-Two minutes later, Joe Buck commented on how Carl Crawford keeps his pants low. Apparently one of the fastest players in baseball should pull up his pants so he can run faster. I now have concrete proof for why I can’t stand listening to Joe Buck call/comment on a game.

-Chase Utley is the heir apparent to Derek Jeter. That play he made towards second base — turning the opposite way before firing to second to force out Crawford — was a heady, gusty play. Bite me, New York fans. (That’s my fourth Philly Phan moment of the diary. For those keeping score at home, Joe Buck applauds you.)

-Pujols follows with a tremendous diving snag, possibly making up for his terrible first-inning defense. The St. Louis fans just got louder after that play.

-Mauer ties it with an RBI double the other way (after which McCarver reminded us that good hitters hit the ball everywhere), scoring Jeter. Mauer might chase .400 in the second half, and according to Sports Illustrated, off the field he looks forward to mowing his grass. He sounds exactly like the type of person whowould thrive in the grassy meadows of New York City. Just wait until the Yankees offer him a modest $240 million.

-Pujols again with the defense! The second backhanded stop by the Wizard of Offense allows the NL escape further damage in the top of the fifth. Joe Buck deadpans, “It’s what makes him great.”

-Do you care who the Pepsi Clutch Performer is? What is it with all this annoying corporate sponsorships? Aren’t they loosing money and trying to spend wiser? On an unrelated note, I could really go for a Pepsi right now.

-Did I mention Utley was Jeter’s heir apparent? Utley bobbles a tailor-made double-play ball but still starts the 4-6-3 to end the top of the sixth. How long until some baseball stat geeks determine that Utley has limited range at second base?

-It’s all about the Roosevelts, baby! (BTW, I had Taco Bell on Friday and Saturday.)

-Joe Buck: “Justin is the first All-Star Upton.” The First All-Star Upton grounds out to end the sixth. Mid-Summer Classic is still tied, 3-3.

-Just received former WWF wrestler Bret Hart’s autobiography Hitman in the mail today from Amazon. There’s a story inside about when the Hart Foundation put their finishing move on Vince McMahon at a party after a taping. I can’t wait to read this one.

-Papelbon looked less than impressive after allowing two loud outs to start the bottom of the seventh. Thanks to a web gem by Crawford and a weak jet stream in right, the Red Sox closer narrowly avoided giving up back-to-back dingers. Still, it was another 1-2-3 inning for the AL after he struck out Werth on a full count.

-We’re through seven innings and each team has used six pitchers. What are the chances we see any relief pitchers throw more than an inning tonight? Personally, I’m all for Charlie Manuel giving K-Rod three or four innings of work… (Anyone remember that Brad Lidge warmed up basically every inning from the ninth on in last year’s marathon All Star Game? I do. Thank goodness he didn’t break down in 2008 like he has this year. Last year’s World Series title has calmed me down considerably.)

-Big triple by Curtis Granderson as the First All-Star Upton played that fly ball like a back-up Little Leaguer. Still though, not many guys get triples to left field.

-Adam “I am definitely not Pacman” Jones steps up in a big spot after Charlie Manuel had Heath Bell intentionally walk Victor Martinez — much to the chagrin of Joe Buck. But really, can you tell the difference between a compliment and a complaint with him? The guy has the emotional range of a 1950s sitcom father. I wonder if McCarver donates half of his paycheck to Joe Buck because — let’s not kid ourselves here — Joe Buck does 50% of the commentary in addition to his play-by-play duties.

-Pacman – I mean Adam – Jones comes through with a clutch sac-fly to right, scoring Granderson. Never thought clutch sac-fly and All-Star Game would ever go together – thank you Bud Selig! Utility-man extraordinaire Ben Zobrist strikes out. It’s now a 4-3 AL lead midway through the eighth. There’s been clutch hitting throughout the AL’s 12-game unbeaten streak. With Joe Nathan and Mo Rivera looming, it’s looking like lucky number 13 for the AL. (Conversely, it would be unlucky number 13 for the NL in case you were wondering.)

-Why is Gatorade calling itself G? I guess cornering the lucrative sports beverage market isn’t good enough, so now they’d like to have the letter “G” all to themselves. At least now they can sponsor episodes of Sesame Street.

-Is Adrian Gonzalez diabetic? Did anyone else see what appeared to be an insulin pump on the back of his hip? Anyway, his eighth inning walk stopped an 0-for-18 streak by NL batters. Naturally, the next batter, Orlando Hudson, hits one up the middle off Jason Bartlett to put runners on the corner for Phillies slugger/swing-and-miss specialist (not to mention St. Louis-native) Ryan Howard.

-No defensive shift for Howard? Wait, nevermind. Joe Madden was just a little late in setting that one up. You would think he wouldn’t forget facing Howard and the Phillies in the World Series right? (That’s five Philly Phan moments.)

-Now the rest of the NL knows how it feels to watch Ryan Howard strike out in a key spot. It sucks. We go to the ninth with the AL holding a slim one-run lead.

-I think outside the bun.

-Congratulations to Carl Crawford, FOX’s choice for the Mercedes Benz Attention Assist of the Game. Now when I go to the store to buy a Pepsi, I think I’ll stop by the Mercedes dealership and have them laugh at my credit rating.

-Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez sits ‘em down in order. I hope Manuel knows that, should the game go to extras, K-Rod can go three or four more innings.

-Mariano Rivera (who else) will take the mound in the ninth for the AL. We all agree on this right, Rivera is the best closer of all time? As the Phoenix would say: book it.

-Tonight’s keeper stat, courtesy of Joe Buck: the AL has won the last three All-Star Games by one run. We’re now two outs from four straight nail-biters to the Junior Circuit.

-Eliminator (a.k.a. the cutter) on the outside corner for strike three retires Brad Hawpe. Only Miguel Tejada stands between the AL and homefield advantage in the World Series for the 56th consecutive time, or something like that.

-Eliminator jams Tejada and the AL takes the Mid-Summer Classic and homefield advantage in the World Series.

I hope you enjoyed my running diary of the 2009 MLB All-Star Game. I’m glad to be back writing some columns again, and hopefully there’s more where that came from. In the meantime, I’m going to retire for the evening. Special thanks to TBS for the Mighty Ducks showing immediately following the game.