A winning ticket, even if it is by default! Gotta love politics...

The past two seasons, Favre and Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress have staged a remarkable game of chicken and lies in Minnesota. The ever-perceptive Jack Bauer of All Sports has always been quick to use the resources of the CTU Sports Division to snuff out deception and injustice (I still have not been fined by David Stern for accusing the NBA of fixing Games 2 and 3 of the 2010 NBA Finals.), and Tuesday’s retirement “announcement” by Favre is no exception. Heck, by Wednesday morning, Favre already retracted this announcement that he purported to never have made.

No, I do not believe Favre has gone through what he has in the offseason to just retire. In fact, just like the past two seasons, I believe Favre announced his retirement as a ploy to skip training camp and the extra physical wear-and-tear. Brett Favre is the greatest football competitor of my generation, and I do not believe he is offically giving up returning to the NFL in early August in spite of the physical challenges of his age, with his last game being an overtime loss (due to his interception near “field goal range” for the Vikings) in the NFC Championship game.

Since his final season as the Green Bay Packers’ starting quarterback, Favre has established a record of saying one thing, then retracting that statement, then retracting his retraction, very much like a politician. Brad Childress has openly supported, and possibly encouraged this behavior to play to the public and protect Favre from potential injury between seasons, much like a politician’s running mate. Now that Favre and Childress once again are behaving like politicians, the suckers of sports-nation continue to give them attention between the end of the Super Bowl and the start of the following season.

The only other player in this “Decision” is Tavaris Jackson, the Vikings starting quarterback prior to Favre’s arrival. In four seasons with the Vikes prior to Favre, Jackson’s only memorable accomplishment was a first-round home playoff loss, and the Vikings reached this point behind the strength of running back Adrian Peterson and a stout defense. It’s no wonder Jackson is without a running mate for “Decision 2010″ and the Favre/ Childress ticket is running unopposed! Jackson isn’t even savvy enough to campaign to the soft-minded public by taking credit for the work of others.

Despite all his posturing, I, Jack Bauer of All Sports, firmly suspect that Favre will be under center in Week 1.

To sum up my disgust at this candidacy and the lack of a worthwhile alternative, I have no choice but to compare Decision 2010 to the South Park episode during the 2004 Presidential Election which pitted a Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich against one another for the office of South Park Elementary School Mascot.

He may be here.

He may even make fans in Minnesota cheer.

But I’m telling Vikings fans to get over it.

In a (not so shocking) turn of events, Brett Favre came out of retirement for the — I don’t know; I lost track — time.  Last year, Favre sobbingly retired from the NFL only to come back to the New York Jets: gray beard and all.

The Mangini/Favre marriage seemed to be working.  We saw it all pan out like Cliff and Claire Huxtable as the Jets started 8-3.  Next thing you know, the Jets lost four of their last five games, and the Mangini/Favre wedding appeared to be more like Al and Peggy Bundy.

Favre retired again … thankfully.  He wasn’t the three-time MVP I grew to enjoy in the mid and late 90s.  Like a beautiful butterfly maturing from a cocoon — but in reverse.

Naturally, when reports of Favre coming out of retirement (again) to play for the Vikings, my immediate reaction was: Why?

Why won’t he just walk away?

Why do teams think Favre still has it? (after rotator cuff surgery, by the way).

I just couldn’t wrap my head around a logical explanation.  Here I am hours later, and at this point, the Eagles signing of Michael Vick makes more sense to me.

The Vikings and their fans need to accept they aren’t getting the mid 90s Favre.  They aren’t even getting the early 2000s Favre, which would have been better than the 2008 Favre: a quarterback that’s like an operating system with more bugs than (pick any Windows operating system).

Remember when Brad Childress said that he could groom Tavaris Jackson to be like Donovan McNabb?  What happened with that?  Towards the end of 2008, it looked like Jackson was putting it together while Favre was falling apart.  Compare the last four games of both QBs:

Week 14

Tarvaris Jackson
8-10, 105 yds, TD (one half)

Brett Favre
20-31, 137 yds, INT

Week 15

Tarvaris Jackson
11-17, 163 yds, 4 TD

Brett Favre
17-30, 207 yds, TD, 2 INT

Week 16

Tarvaris Jackson
22-36, 233 yds, 2 TD

Brett Favre
18-31, 187 yds, 2 INT

Week 17

Tarvaris Jackson
16-26, 239 yds, TD, INT

Brett Favre
20-40, 233 yds, 1 TD, 3 INT

Jackson may have lost some of Childress’s confidence after the playoff loss, to Philadelphia, but at least Jackson’s performance (115.4 QB rating) kept Minnesota in the playoff race.  Favre’s play down the stretch (53.3 QB rating) reminded me of the Alex Murphy killing in “Robocop”: gruesome to watch and traumatizing to children.

If Vikings fans think Favre’s return will transform their passing attack into something more powerful (like Megatron’s transformation to Galvatron in the ‘86 Transformers movie), they’re sadly mistaken.

Weren’t there any other feasible QB options in free agency or the draft for the Vikings?  You know, options that aren’t coming off of rotator cuff surgery and 22 INT season, which was tops in the NFL last year by the way.

Where were the Vikings when Jay Cutler was being shopped around?  Maybe they didn’t have the pieces the Broncos wanted, and I accept that, but there were plenty of serviceable quarterbacks if Jackson wasn’t going to be the guy.

If the Vikings were looking for a 39-year-old quarterback to inject some life into the passing game, wouldn’t Jeff Garcia would have been a wonderful start.  Garcia may not be the flash in the pan he used to be (refer to the 49ers stats from the 2000 season), but in 11 games last year, he did have a 65% completion percentage, 2,700 yards and 12 TDs.

Not good enough, Brad?

How about a 29-year-old quarterback was putting on the ‘Stella hat’ and getting his groove back?  Before injuries, Byron Leftwich was a steady quarterback who could throw for about 3,000 yards a season.  He had a one-year stint in Atlanta, and then went to Pittsburgh where he kept the Steelers afloat when Big Ben started to get nicked up.

Don’t even get me started about the fact that the Vikings were one of the teams in need of a QB that passed on Texas Tech QB Graham Harrell.  If you think you need a quarterback, how exactly do you pass up the NCAA’s all-time leader in touchdown passes and the only NCAA player to post consecutive 5,000 yard seasons?  How?

Another question, Brad.  If you are trying to get a winner at quarterback, wouldn’t it be nice if the QB you seek at least has a winning record on your home field?

Favre is 6-10 lifetime at the Triple-H Metrodome.  Favre supporters use the excuse he was the opposing QB, but in 38 career indoor games, Favre’s QB rating is only five points better than his rating outdoors.

There are only so many ways I can destroy the argument of bringing in Favre, but I guess the most important argument centers around the following question:

Didn’t the Vikings win the NFC North without a real passing attack, anyway?

The Vikings averaged 184.9 yards per game through the air with the tandem of Gus Frerotte and Tarvaris Jackson, but the Vikings still went 10-6 and won the NFC North by a game.  Want more proof of what drives the offense?  The Vikings had a 200+ yard passer in seven games last year and won only three of those games.  Six times last year, Adrian Peterson had games of less than 100 yards, and the Vikings lost HALF of those games.

Its no secret Peterson drives the offense, and even when teams were stacking up to stop him, Peterson still produced.

Sometimes, I wonder what owners, general managers, coaches and teammates are thinking when they make moves.  When the Bills signed a one-year flyer for Terrell Owens, I said, “Ok.  I’m cool with that.”

When the Eagles signed Michael Vick, I said, “Sure, why not?”

The Vikings signed Brett Favre (for two years, by the way), and now that I’ve written against the signing for the last two hours, I gotta ask myself:

Why?

1. So apparently Brett Favre did not retire.

Not like I cared anyway…

But when Brett Favre resigned with the Minnesota Vikings on Tuesday, you knew that Taking Back Sports just had to weigh in with the view from the sports fan.

Take Back columnist Adio “The Phoenix” Royster has decided to rant about the Favre saga. Adio pulls no punches in this one, and he has some surprising statistics to back up him up.

(My opinion, don’t let the Phoenix near Brett Favre — or the Vikings — with any sharp objects. I just think it’ll be safer for everyone!)

I hope you enjoy that one.

2. Michael Vick has signed with the Philadelphia Eagles, why haven’t I written about it?

Good point, I suck.

3. New sports column series coming soon.

In the great American spirit, the master debaters of Taking Back Sports will take on some of sports most divisive issues — as Colonel Jessup would say, “Is there another kind?” — and break them down coldheartedly and without passion, or something like that. In short, the Phoenix and I — as well as a potential new member to the Take Back Sports team — will argue and taunt each other — like normal sports fans do all across the country — except we’ll do it in a sports blog style while at work!

That’s right, sticking it to the man!

(SHHH!!! Don’t tell our boss.)

4. Lastly, if you were waiting for my opinion on the Brett Favre signing, here it goes:

Since Brett Favre is back to haunt our dreams for another interception-filled season, we might as well accept it like Andy Dufrense had to when the sisters came calling.

My guess, Favre will wow us for a few weeks and throw a few deep bombs to Bernard Berrian, while Adrian Peterson reminds us of Gale Sayers and pushes for a 2,000 yard season (assuming Humpty Dumpty stays healthy). But come December, those old bones will begin to ache and the interceptions will begin to pile up. Something tells me the old gunslinger has a few back-breakers in him for December…

To make a long story short (too late):

When the Vikings will likely finish a game or two out of the playoffs, they’ll know they’ve been had.

• Is it to see the latest non-news on the Brett Favre indecision?
• Are we hanging by a moment waiting for the Michael Vick reinstatement?
• Do we care who didn’t vote for Tim Tebow for the preseason All-SEC team?

My answer: We want to watch the incredible happen. Yesterday, incredible happened when Mark Buehrle tossed a perfect game.

So naturally, the 8 a.m. pacific Sportscenter finally showed the White Sox highlights 20 minutes later — after complete nothing new at all from the Favre and Vick stories (not to mention a complete waste of time covering the preseason All-SEC awards).

Why would anyone get interested in sports today if the first 20 minutes of Sportscenter is about, well, nothing?

1. I can’t use the internet during my day job, so I miss out on all the daily chatter.

2. Living on the West Coast, the early games come on at 4 p.m. with me still two hours from freedom.

3. I have only watched ONE Phillies game all season from start to finish. It’s kind of a drag when you can’t watch your favorite teams play night in and night out. Sure I’d miss some games back when I lived in Jersey, but at least I’d catch the highlights. Fat chance of that happening on Sports Center

With no end in sight to any of these problems, I thought this little case of writer’s block wasn’t going away any time soon.

Funny how Twitter works.

In an effort to try to kick start some creativity (be careful what you wish for), I’ve been getting heavy into this little microblogging site. And since Oprah’s little endorsement, Twitter has gone from a thing some people did to a thing that most people seem to be doing. So I’ve been a happy little camper checking it when I come home at night, looking at the updates from my friends all around the country, funny celebrities and of course some big time sports writers.

Like most sports fans these days, I spend a good amount of time hating on the media. Let’s be serious, the sports media is an easy target these days. For starters, the major sports networks all run too many articles that are based on some wild accusations or leaking information from “unnamed sources.” When we’re not hearing from a “prominent member of [insert organization],” we’re fed a steady diet of ongoing soap operas (i.e. steroids in baseball; any story about Terrell Owens, Adam Jones, Chad Ocho Cinco, or Barry Bonds; or even when an athlete has the audacity to be quoted as saying he thinks he team should win its next game — THE HORRORS!).

Oh that and Brett Favre. By a raise of hands, let’s see who isn’t sick of hearing about Brett Favre? (Please put your hand down, John Madden.) Look, we can all agree he’s a Hall of Famer and an all-time gamer, having never missed a start in the NFL. In many ways, Peter King — Sports Illustrated’s uber football columnist — is one of the journalists (Mr. Madden, again, please put your hand down!) with the most access to Brett. Great for, you, Peter and your career, but it’s a loss for the rest of us sports fans. If he can still be the top story on every major sports news outlet when he is no longer a top-flight quarterback, something is going wrong in the sports-writing world. If you take into account the amount of space devoted to him, Favre has somehow become overrated in the public eye. In a way, Favre has become the greatest overrated sports athlete of all time now.

What a weird ending to a great career. In many ways, this could never have happened without the media. Just know this, most sports fans really don’t care about the Brett Favre situation anymore.

The Favre storyline must be stopped!!

Now it’s one thing to whine in private, but it’s another thing entirely when you basically make fun of someone in the media in public. That’s the thing with the internet: You never really know who is watching. It might be Peter King.

Here’s how it all started.

After reading a few back-and-forth tweets from NFL Network anchor Rich Eisen and King, I couldn’t help but notice the affection these two share.

DrSportsFan: @richeisen and @SI_PeterKing are downright bromancing on the twitski. Twit that!

Now, reading that out loud right now, that sounds a little bit mean-spirited. That was not my goal, but rather I was just busting on two highly successful people to my 30 or so followers. But I wasn’t through with King yet. No, I felt the need to make fun of his “professionalism.” Smooth move, Dr. Sportsfan!

SI_PeterKing: All right, King. Enough of the fun. Get your head into the story you’re writing for SI next week. You’ll all want to read it, by the way.

DrSportsFan: @SI_PeterKing really will I like it?!?! c’mon now. ur a professional

For those of you living under a rock (the rest of you non-rock dwellers, please skip to the next paragraph), by merely adding “@” in front of any Twitter screen name, you now — like Heman, the Master of the Universe — have the power. Furthermore, Twitter has the nice little tool that lets you view any recent messages that have been updated “at” you.

I’ve been a little chatty on Twitter lately, and I might have gotten a little too frisky. If it appears that I was making fun of Peter King and Rich Eisen’s friendly twitter chatter the other night — well it’s because I was. Who cares, really, right? And when I poked fun at King when he said that we’d like his column, again who was going to read it, my 30 or so followers?

Wrong.

SI_PeterKing: @DrSportsFan : What does that mean, exactly?

So I was a tad bit surprised that King had noticed the polite — make that rude — comments I’d been making to him. Ok. I was shocked. As John Stewart said regarding his wonderful little visit to CNN’s Crossfire, it’s uncomfortable!

As for an answer to your question: Peter, I just thought it was funny that you felt the need to plug your column on twitter. You write for Sports Illustrated. There isn’t a sports fan on this continent that doesn’t know about SI. While we plug and market our columns for Taking Back Sports, I couldn’t have imagined someone with your career needing to plug a column. It plugs itself. Monday Morning Quarterback is a must-read for all football fans. You are one of those sports writers that transcend the sporting world.

In a way, I’m actually glad that you plugged your column. Even though I used your words to make fun of you, it’s a pretty neat thing that you can convey your thoughts and feelings directly to your readers — of course you do have to deal with their thoughts as well.

But since I have your attention, Peter — and I imagine that you are quite a busy man — I’d like to take this grand opportunity to ask you some questions, sports fan to sports writer:

1. Why is it our first inclination to talk about the negativity in the sports world? I always thought that sports were meant to be fun; and while I know that there is some serious money in sports, can’t we forget about all that when we turn on SportsCenter to watch the highlights of our favorite teams (and not see an ex-jock’s scripted reaction)?

2. Do you think the sports fan experience has peaked? With economics coming between the common, middle-class fan and the rich and elite owners and players, it seems as though sports fans and those that work in sports are further apart than ever before. Are we even the same race of people?

3. Are you sick of writing about Favre? Just wondering…

4. Do you love your job? I always thought that being a sports writer must be the greatest job in the world, and you get to cover the greatest sport of the all — the NFL. You write a great column every week, and it is read by thousands — if not millions — of sports fans. But the question remains, do you still love your job?

5. Have you ever interviewed an athlete that was so crazy (*cough* T.O.) that many of his quotes (*cough* Ochocinco) were just preposterous?

6. What do you think the future of sports writing will be? Obviously blogging already plays a major role, but is the career sports writer all but finished? (Take it from me, there are almost no sports-writing jobs available to any young writers.)

In the meantime, thanks for all the good writing and for your question — even if it was because you were annoyed with me.

I hope I clarified things, but please keep doing things your way anyway. Even if you are a coffee nerd!

But if you get the chance, could you please say hi to Brett Favre for me? I hear he’s looking to possibly make a comeback…

WHO CARES?!