No Dessert Until You Finish Your Soccer

Nothing brings out the best (and subsequently, the worst) in fans quite like a sports debate. Gather up a bunch of your buddies, turn on a sporting event, throw out the obligatory, “Who’s the greatest ____ of all time?” and watch the sparks fly.

Examples of these argumentative masterpieces are as followed:

• Will there ever be an athlete more influential than Michael Jordan?
• Should baseball strike the “Steroid Era” records from the books?
• Does hockey have any relevance to Americans in the 21st Century?
• Was that silly looking hair patch on the back of Drew Gooden’s head ever a good idea?

These argument-causing questions are part of what make sports fun. They drive us to keep sports entertaining when the games themselves don’t quite measure up. Who was the greatest athlete of all time? Who’s on your all-decade team? What team was the greatest championship squad ever? All of these are great questions with no right answer and plenty of wrong ones.

Lately, however, one particular question has been bothering me more and more, keeping me up nights.

It’s a question that has been causing debate amongst suburban moms, beat reporters, commentators and Joe Six-Packs alike. For over five decades, this particular query has baffled fans across this great country and even around the world. What is the enigmatic question, you ask?

Here it is, brace yourselves …

Why, for the love of all things holy, can’t soccer get any love in this country?

Before I move on, I’ll let you get your laughs and giggles out.

(Waiting …)

(Still waiting …)

Now that you have had your derisive fun, let me try to spark a little bit of debate from the congregation about the world’s “Beautiful Game.”

It seems to be common knowledge that, with the exception of a few countries, soccer is the most beloved (and most watched) sport in the world.

America has its version of football. Canada has hockey and the Australians have their own football. That’s it. That’s the list of countries where soccer isn’t number one: less than 1% of the whole planet.

From South America to Asia, Europe to Africa, soccer has grabbed ahold of almost every single country in its path. Europe alone has five of the top domestic leagues in the world: The English Premier League, The Spanish La Liga, Serie A in Italy, Ligue Un in France and the Bundesliga in Germany.

Furthermore, every single country has a team that can qualify for the World Cup. Soccer is the ONLY sport that can actually crown a World Champion since every national team gets the opportunity to qualify with their country’s best.

Hell, the U.S. just had a CONCACAF (the soccer federation we belong to) qualifying match last week, where they thrashed Trinidad and Tobago in Chicago, 3-0, on a Jozy Altidore trace (AKA a hat trick).

Raise your hands if you saw this one? Anyone? Sensing a lot of tumbleweeds and cricket chirps.

Still, I don’t believe the crowning of a world champ is why soccer is the most beloved sport in the world. So many people play the sport of soccer (outside of the three countries I listed) that it has become ingrained into the daily culture and entertainment in the vast majority of the world. All you need is a ball and some open space. The game is simple and majestic at the same time.

That being said, soccer has been unable to grab hold of the American public for over half a century. This isn’t to say the U.S. doesn’t have any history in the sport. We can go all the way back to the 1950 World Cup, when the U.S. Men’s National Team defeated the English team, 1-0, in what is considered one of the greatest upsets in the game’s history.

From that game through the 1970s and ’80s with the North American Soccer League and all the way up to today’s Major League Soccer, the game has made numerous attempts to warm the hearts and entice the minds of American sports fans. Add to that the fact that millions of American kids play the sport every year, and there is no reason why this game shouldn’t be one of the most beloved sports in America.

So why hasn’t it been more successful? What keeps this game, so immensely popular in the rest of the world, from gaining any ground on the major sports in the U.S.?

I have a couple of theories (though I’m sure many more exist):

Not Enough Tradition

This one has a decent amount of merit. Baseball has been around for more than 150 years and takes the cake when it comes to cultural tradition in the eyes of Americans. Add football (early 20th Century) and basketball (late 19th) to the mix, and soccer just can’t compete in this country.

Not Enough Violence

It is no secret Americans love a little bit of violence in their sports. Hard hits, car crashes, body checks, and athletes flying around with no control send fans into a frenzied state. Soccer has its share of contact (slide tackles and arm checks) but not in the amounts that a sport like football does. Soccer also carries the “flopping stigma,” which the American sports fan frowns on, though the NBA has adopted this technique with the influx of European players.

Not Enough Coverage

Every major sport in this country has a major deal with either ESPN or one of the four major cable networks (CBS, ABC, NBC, & FOX) to showcase their games. While ESPN does show MLS games and a number of the USMNT matches, they have little access to any international competition or any of the major soccer divisions in Europe. ESPN had access to the Champions League (Europe’s main Club team trophy) but just lost that to Fox Sports. If you don’t have the FSN Sports Package, it’s almost impossible to see any of the top soccer teams in the world.

Not Enough Action & Scoring

This is the biggest argument of them all or at least, it’s the one I hear the most about. The first part of this, the action, is just silly talk. A soccer match has endless action; the game is one of constant motion. Sure, there may not be a lot of “Ooh! Aah!” moments like a dunk, a home run or a Hail Mary provides. That doesn’t mean the moments aren’t there; you just have to look a little harder to see them. The second part, the scoring, is the thorn in my argument’s side. For some reason, American fans just can’t get behind the idea that a 0-0 draw can be exciting and action-packed.

Even considering these arguments, I still believe there is a place in America for soccer to flourish. The MLS just picked up a new expansion team, the Seattle Sounders, and are in line to bring in at least three more within the next couple years. The National team is well on their way to qualifying for the next World Cup in 2010 (being played in South Africa) and there are more kids now (over 3,000,000) playing the game at the youth level than ever before.

Part of me knows this is just wishful thinking. I played the game for over 10 years as a youngster and have been a fan of the National Team as well as Arsenal FC for more than a decade. I love this sport more now than ever, and it ranks up there with football right at the top of my list. It took me a long time to recognize just how wonderful the sport could be and I think anyone can make the same connection if they give themselves a chance to.

That’s my goal, not just with this article, but also with future soccer articles. I’m not asking for soccer to be anyone’s favorite sport; I just want people to give it a fighting chance.

Who knows? Like vegetables, foreign films and the opposite sex during puberty, maybe you’ll like it more the more you try it.