NFL Morning After Pill: Cutler’s 5 Ints
Man, Jay Cutler wishes he could have those five throws back huh? I wonder how Chicago Bears fans feel after their team’s embarrassing 10-6 loss to the San Francisco 49ers last night. The Bears franchise quarterback threw five interceptions, dooming an impressive Chicago defensive effort. I can only imagine how the “Superfans” of SNL fame would’ve reacted after this one:
Bob Swerski (George Wendt a.k.a. Norm from Cheers): “Thank you everyone for coming out today. I’m Bob Swerski, filling in for my brother, Bill Swerski, who’s recovering from another heart attack. With me as always are the Super Fans: Pat Arnold…”
Pat (Mike Myers): “Hey Bob.”
Bob: “Carl Wollardsk…”
Carl (Robert Smigel): (Eating a chicken wing) “Hey Bob.”
Bob: “And Todd O’Connor…”
Todd (Chris Farley): “How are ya, Bob?”
Bob: “Good. So guys, what’s your prediction fer how many iiinterceptions Jay Cutler will throw the rest of the year?”
Pat: “I’m gonna hafta gooo ahead and say fifffy-fiiivve.”
Bob: “Wow, Pat, that sure would be a lot of picks.”
Pat: “This guy sure ain’t Diitka.”
Bob: “What are yer thoughts, Carl?”
Carl: “Cutler will throw 55 interceptions this season, but he will be held to under 100 touchdown passes.”
All: (Raising their beers) “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Bears!!!”
Todd: (Trouble breathing) “Oh gosh, looks like another heartattack!!”
(Todd pounds chest in a CPR-like motion, and now he’s good as new.)
Bob: “How many heeeart attacks is that for you now, Todd?”
Todd: “That’s makes a baker’s dozen for me.”
Carl: “Wow, I’ve only had six myself.”
Bob: “Well, that’s something to shoot for then, Caarrrl.”
(Big ups to (1) Wikipedia for their characters names, and (2) for old school SNL skits that were actually funny.)
I’m from the Philly area where any terrible loss is followed by calls to fire Andy Reid and trade Donovan McNabb. It happens like five times a year, and we’ve been to the playoffs eight out of ten years this decade. (Also, we’re the Buffalo Bills of the 2000s or Millenios as I like to call this decade). My guess, the monsters of the midway are upset with how the Cutler trade has worked out thus far.
So lets recap: Cutler (a quarterback who’s never won a playoff game — scratch that — he’s never even been in uniform for a playoff game in his career) got upset when new Denver head coach Josh McDaniels shopped him around (because he was interested in Matt Cassell, whom he mentored in New England). McDaniels tried to meet with him and calm him down, but it was to no avail. McDaniels shipped him off to Chicago for some picks and mountain man QB Kyle Orton. The critics hail the trade for the Bears (because of Cutler’s youthful talent) and condemn it for Denver (because of Orton’s obvious lack of talent).
Things sure haven’t turned out like anyone predicted.
Like their erratic signal-caller, the Bears have been up-and-down at 4-5. Cutler has passed for an impressive 2,353 yards and 14 touchdowns, but he leads the league with 17 interceptions. After last night, he’s had two games with at least four interceptions (he threw four picks in a week one overtime loss to the Green Bay Packers — he threw a pick-six to Al Harris to end the game). The Chicago savior is on a Favrian pace for (YIKES!) 30 interceptions this year.
Meanwhile, Orton’s steady hand has allowed Denver’s defense to propel the Broncos to an impressive 6-0 start. Even though they’ve lost two straight, the Broncos still lead the AFC West with a 6-2 record — one game better than the three-time defending division champs, the San Diego Chargers.
Orton’s numbers have been better than advertised. Before an ugly performance on Monday Night Football against the Pittsburgh Steelers (and well, how many QBs have done well against them?), Purdue alum had thrown nine touchdown passes against just one interception. Even after three picks in the Steelers game, Orton has thrown for 1,838 yards and has a respectable 88.2 quarterback rating (compared to Cutler’s 76 rating).
That’s the thing about life it seems. While we’re all busy making plans and predictions, life is silently laughing at us and making its own thing happen. In all likelihood, Cutler will probably not throw 30 interceptions (what are the odds that he has two more games with at least four picks?), and Denver’s AFC West lead will continue to evaporate like it did last year.
But that’s for life to decide, just ask Bears fans.