Mock Draft Blitz From the Doctor
When I think of mock drafts, I imagine the sports-writer equivalent of an NFL team war room. There’s information strewn across a board room. A white board is littered with names and lines drawn to team logos. Phones are feverishly working to find out updates from team officials about any pending trades in the works or for one last update from the scout who gave that report on a top prospect.
Instead of having a room full of scouting directors, front office personnel and a coaching staff, the sports writer is the only one in the room. Really, it’s madness for sports writers, but that doesn’t make it boring.
Although predictions are often the name of the game in sports writing these days (a topic for another day), and really that’s all that many sports writers get paid to do, mock drafts are hardest possible thing for a sports writer to predict. There are stupid owners that make terrible draft picks — and for that, I’m looking at the Dunce Trio of Al “Swamp Thing” Davis, Jerry “Cher” Jones and Daniel “Baby Face” Snyder — and teams trade up and down constantly. It’s a clusterf**k.
But the NFL Draft fun to guess about (and mock, if you will), and maybe that’s why people love reading about it.
Normally, I’d be that guy holed up in that war room — thinking up every possible scenario, reading every relevant NFL Draft publication, and *gasp* reading some Mel Kiper Jr. columns (who, for the same reason it’s fashionable with Nickelback, is irrationally hated because of this whole process, but I digress). For my NFL Mock Draft 2009, I’m trying something new. I’m going to just look at one publication’s ranking (USA Today Sports Weekly NFL Draft Preview) and use the cumulative knowledge I’ve amassed about each NFL team to make my predictions.
Sounds rational enough right?
Hey, the ignorance approached worked for my girlfriend when she won her March Madness pool.
1. Detroit Lions: Matthew Stafford — QB — Georgia
Simple. Easy. Probably wrong? When was the last time the Lions had a franchise quarterback? I don’t have time to research this, but that should help you understand this pick. Good thing Matt Millen isn’t there to screw this one up by taking Michael Crabtree. If this were an analogy it would read: Crack addict is to crack pipe as Matt Millen is to drafting WRs in the first round.
2. St. Louis Rams: Jason Smith — LT — Baylor
Lose Orlando Pace, replace with a future anchor for the O-Line. I’m not one of those people who think that the left tackle is the most important position on a football team, but it’s definitely in the top five. Interestingly enough, Smith was converted from tight end to left tackle, like current Eagles left tackle Jason Peters. If Smith is voted to two consecutive All-Pro teams, something tells me that Steve Spagnuolo will be happy. Plus, the former Andy Reid assistant will follow his old coach’s mantra of building out from the line of scrimmage.
3. Kansas City Chiefs: Aaron Curry — LB — Wake Forest
Like Spags above, I see former Pats GM Scott Pioli (Belichick’s former eye in the sky) following the New England mold with strong, playmaking linebackers.
4. Seattle Seahawks: Michael Crabtree — WR — Texas Tech
Even with the addition of T.J. Houshmandzadeh, the Seahawks were decimated by injuries at wideout last year. It cost them dearly, as they missed the playoffs for the first time since 2002. So why not take the WR with HUGE INJURY CONCERNS? Ok, just kidding, but why not take the best player in the entire draft (according to “experts” before the draft B.S. kicked into high gear) when it is your biggest position of need?
5. Cleveland Browns: Brian Orakpo — DE — Texas
Because USA Today said so? Actually, new head man Eric Mangini will want to shore up his defense with the alleged best pass rusher in the draft. That didn’t work out so well last year though, so maybe the Man Genius will look to go another direction this year? Got me.
6. Cincinnati Bengals: Eugene Monroe — LT — Virginia
Best way to cure a historically bad team? Get better on the offensive and defense lines. Drafting Monroe could be a step towards the correct direction after DECADES off the beaten path for Cinci.
7. Oakland Raiders: Jeremy Maclin — WR — Missouri
Maybe the JaMarcus Russell-to-Jeremy Maclin connection will be the stuff of legend. I doubt it, until Swamp Thing goes back into the marsh.
8. Jacksonville Jaguars: B.J. Raji — DT — Boston College
Three straight in a row from the USA Today board. Maybe this is plagiarism, but at least I’m citing my source! Plus, I really love this pick, as the Jags have to miss Marcus Stroud’s presence in the middle of their D-line. In my humble opinion, D-Tackle is also a top-five position on any successful football team.
(For those playing along at home, that gives us two members of the top five — LT and DT.)
9. Green Bay Packers: Andre Smith — LT — Alabama
It’s hard to really tell if a prospect will bust before he’s even drafted. That said, ‘Bama’s Smith looks like he may be the first to claim that throne. Here’s an interesting side note: L.A. Lakers center Andrew Bynum fouled out in the third quarter of Thursday night’s Game 3 loss to Utah. The THIRD QUARTER!! I don’t know what’s worse: a center who picked up six fouls with time left in the third or his coach, Zen-master Phil Jackson, who left him in with five fouls before that. Hard to tell.
10. San Francisco 49ers: Tyson Jackson — DE — LSU
When you think Mike Singletary, you think defense. Why not draft an old-school 6-foot-4, 296 pounder to anchor one side of his 49er defensive line?
By the way, Tyson Jackson sounds a lot like another lotto pick from Baton Rouge, the Chicago Bulls’ Tyrus Thomas.
11. Buffalo Bills — Everette Brown — DE — Florida St.
Earth to Aaron Schobel, come in please.
12. Denver Broncos — Mark Sanchez — QB — USC
Like a diaper, the Broncos change franchise quarterbacks. Hopefully Sanchez doesn’t leak as much as Jay “Cry Baby” Cutler.
13. Washington Redskins — Josh Freeman — QB — Kansas State
I’m thinking that the Redskins would really have liked to have made this pick Sanchez. If they don’t trade up, Freeman will be their consolation prize. Either way, the Jason Campbell experience may be a limited-time engagement in the nation’s capital.
14. New Orleans Saints — Michael Oher — OT — Ole Miss
Why not add a dominant left tackle to protect Brees’ blind spot? Knowshon Moreno could very well end up here.
15. Houston Texans — Rey Maualuga — LB — USC
Maualuga is the first of the heralded USC ‘backer trio to come off the board, but his former running mates will not be far behind. Houston has a solid foundation on offense with Matt Schaub, Steve Slaton, and Andre Johnson at the skill positions. Now it’s time to build around star defensive end Mario Williams and pro bowl linebacker DeMeco Ryans. Maualuga looks like a Ray Lewis clone (but without the whole murder rap thing — oh wait, you didn’t forget about that did you?).
16. San Diego Chargers — Clay Matthews III — DE/LB — USC
Matthews is the second straight Trojan ‘backer off the board. With a proven pedigree (his father, grandfather, and uncle were all NFL stars), Clay III should provide great insurance for a team that could surprise many and jump back into Super Bowl contention. Shawn Merriman was out for the season in2008, and with him went the Chargers’ Super Bowl aspirations. Why not go after the best available rush-linebacker talent left on the board and at least supply your team with another rush option when Merriman inevitably leaves via free agency?
17. NY Jets — Percy Harvin — WR — Florida
The most dangerous weapon on the best team in college football last year becomes perhaps the biggest question mark heading into the pro game. Where will this guy play? Is he a wide receiver? Is he a running back? Does he take the snaps in the Wildcat formation? Does he pour the water on the bench? Can he hold a clipboard? The questions are endless!
18. Chicago Bears — Darrius Heyward-Bey — WR — Maryland
Damn. I keep picking the same position back-to-back. No matter. The Bears need to give Cry Baby a target, and Heyward-Bey brings a ton to the table. He has great size (6-2) and ran the fastest 40 at the combine (4.25). For a QB that has an absolute cannon for an arm, those are some good qualities. I just hope he doesn’t mind changing any diapers.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers — Malcolm Jenkins — CB — Ohio St.
I know that Jenkins projects more as a FS than CB in the pro game, but he actually fits the Tampa-2 defense like a glove. While he doesn’t cover like a glove, his 6-foot, 204-pound frame should be ideal to press at the line of scrimmage and support in defensing the run. After watching the beatdown that Carolina gave Ronde Barber on MNF last year, the Bucs could use some size on the outside more than most.
20. Detriot Lions — Eben Britton — OT — Arizona
This is the safe pick after drafting a rookie QB. A good team would make this pick, so I’m doubting that it will happen…
21. Philadelphia Eagles — Knowshon Moreno — RB — Georgia
Does he fall this far? I doubt it. Will I jump for joy, high-fiving Jack of All Sports and The Phoenix in joy and call my dad to excitedly talk football? YES! Will any of this happen? No.
22. Minnesota Vikings — Aaron Maybin — DE/OLB — Penn St.
This will not happen, but I think it would be awesome if the Vikings had four Pro Bowlers (to join Jared “Mullet” Allen and the Williams Pat and Kevin). If I were Brad Childress, I would do two things: (1) buy a hair-piece and (2) trade up for a franchise quarterback in order to stop killing the career of Adrian Peterson. Is it an Andy Reid thing to get a great player and not give him any help?
23. New England Patriots — Brian Cushing — OLB — USC
Cushing falls this low because of the steroid concerns. (OK, I’m just looking for something to justify forgetting him until this point. He did have steroid questions, but they were roundly dismissed. I mean, it was just flaxeed oil and a cream.) This would be the ideal location for a player with Cushing’s skill set, as Charlie Weis recruited him while he was still the offensive coordinator for Bellicheck. They know him and would love him in Foxboro.
24. Atlanta Falcons –Vontae Davis — CB — Illinois
Atlanta couldn’t stop Arizona’s passing attack in the Wild-card round last year, and they could have done some damage had they advanced. Drafting Davis will do a lot to help a talented defense play more aggressively in the future.
25. Miami Dolphins — Brandon Pettigrew — TE — Oklahoma St.
The ‘Fins need a receiver in the worst way, so Bill Parcells looks into his past for the answer. In Pettigrew, Parcells will have a modern-day Mark Bavaro — a tight end who can block and receive with the best. Not only that, but how have we not talked about the Tuna and the ‘Fins? Ta-Ta-Ta Tuna and the Fins.
26. Baltimore Ravens — Hakeem Nicks — WR — UNC
It doesn’t happen much, but the Pittsburgh Steelers physically dominated the Ravens in last year’s AFC Championship Game. Want to stop it? Pick up a big, physical WR to add a little ‘tude and give Joe Flacco a big target to grow with.
27. Indianapolis Colts — Peria Jerry — DT — Mississippi
Stopping the run is always the key for Indy’s playoff hopes. In 2006, Bob Sanders and Booger McFarland keyed the Colts’ surprise run to the Lombardi Trophy. In ‘07 and ‘08, the Chargers ran all over them with Darren Sproles (who earned himself a nice raise with the franchise tag this offseason).
28. Buffalo Bills — Chris Wells — RB — Ohio St.
It doesn’t look like Marshawn Lynch will be the heir-apparent to Thurman Thomas. Time to give Beanie Wells a shot.
29. New York Giants — Kenny Britt — WR — Rutgers
Maybe a reach here for the 6-3 star from Piscataway, but Eli Manning needs a bigger target to throw to now that Plaxico Burress is finally on his way out. Britt is still lanky and has room to fill out in the future.
30. Tennessee Titans — Connor Barwin — OLB — Cincinnati
A former tight end that can hopefully become a playmaker for a Titans defense that will be HURTING without Albert Haynesworth.
31. Arizona Cardinals — Alex Mack — C — Cal
The Secret World of Alex Mack comes to the Valley of the Sun next season. Will there be holes for any ‘Zona running backs, though?
32. Pittsburgh Steelers — William Beatty — OT — Connecticut
The weak spot for the defending champions is the offensive line. Why not start there with the title defense?
Anyway, I’m done. If you stuck around the whole way, I’m impressed.
More impressed than with my picks anyway…
Loading ...