2008 NFL Season Review ‘24′ Style

When I was a little boy, all I could think about after Thanksgiving dinner was Christmas. In fact, it dominated my whole life. Everyday I woke up, I reminded myself that I was that much closer to the best day of the year.

(No offense to Jewish kids, who had eight crazy nights.)

When Christmas finally arrived — coincidentally on the 25th every year — I knew I’d awake to presents upon presents at both my mom’s and dad’s house, one in the morning and one in the afternoon.

Now that I’m 25-years-old, Christmas morning is no longer the most anticipated morning of the year. December is no longer my month of anticipation.

Like most other American males, my favorite morning of the whole year is the first Sunday of the NFL season. Like my Christmas experience, we get two sets of games each week! Also, thanks to the genius of NFL and broadcast execs, we are now treated to Opening Night FOUR DAYS EARLIER!!!!

WAHOOOOOO!

You KNOW it!!!

I CAN’T FEEL MY LEGS!!!

(You get the point.)

Just as Lloyd Christmas said to Harry Dunn when they arrived in Aspen, we’re there!

While most sports writers were drafting their NFL preview columns, I have been doing something a little different. Since I purchased my own 42-inch high definition television and attached a DVR/TIVO box to it the moment it arrived in my room, I have been taping my favorite programs — including every NFL Films team yearbook.

In the past few weeks, I’ve seen almost every team’s 2008 season highlights. Even teams like the Lions are filled with 15 minutes of uplifting material, and I’m not even sure they led a game for that long during the season. And after reading far more informed writers’ NFL preview columns, I decided that the world could do without another NFL preview.

Why not give the people what they want: a few thousand words on actual football that was played on the field and not in the minds of pigskin prognosticators. And what good is an NFL review column on its own? Any old bloke can do that. Why not find a way to incorporate one of my favorite shows, like say “24,” into it as well?

Done.

So without further delay, here is my NFL review column of the 2008 season.

The following takes place between Week One and Week 17.

“Jack, the U.S. government needs your help one more time.”

Since every season of “24″ begins with some politician or government agent begging Jack Bauer to help with a terrorist threat, the 2008 season began with Brett Favre unretiring to join the New York Jets. The sports media across the world agree that the Jets finally found the missing piece to their Super Bowl puzzle: a 39-year-old quarterback. At least Favre didn’t disappoint early on as the Jets started out the year with a 9-3 record. Unfortunately for the Jets, Favre’s old bones didn’t like December and New York finished 9-7 and out of the playoffs.

“David Palmer has been shot.”

In one of the series most shocking moments, President Palmer is killed at the beginning of Season Five. Just 7:33 into the 2008 season, reigning MVP Tom Brady was lost for the season when he tore both his ACL and MCL in his left leg during a low hit by Chiefs safety Bernard Pollard. Former high school quarterback Matt Cassell naturally stepped into meaningful football action for the first time since puberty and the Patriots finished 11-5 despite Brady’s injury. Unfortunately for New England, they were the first team in two decades to win 11 games but fail to qualify for the playoffs.

Although they didn’t lose him for the regular season, the Colts Peyton Manning had minor surgery on his knee late in the offseason (Is it just me or do Manning and Brady always seem to be trying to one-up each other?!). After missing training camp and the preseason, Manning wasn’t as sharp to start the season and Indianapolis struggled early on. But the eventual league MVP rallied the troops and Indy finished with a 12-4 record and a wildcard berth.

“Cops have to play by the rules. I may have to break a few with this guy.”

Miami brought two waves of change to the NFL.

1. The Dolphins were the comeback story of the league in ‘08 after finishing the ‘07 campaign with an NFL-worst 1-15 record.
2. Miami’s Wildcat offense is the newest fad that all other offensive coordinators are trying desperately to copy — and all defensive coordinators are losing sleep trying to stop.

There was a new Sheriff in town as the legendary Bill Parcells brought his brilliant football mind — as well as his wonderful sense of fashion — to South Beach. Parcells hired Tony Sparano as his head coach and added Chad Pennington, after he was let go when the Jets added Favre.

Two weeks after Brady’s injury, when the 0-2 Dolphins traveled to Foxboro to face the 2-0 Patriots, no one could’ve known what the Miami coaches were hiding up their sleeves. Using a modified single-wing formation — based on former Arkansas offensive coordinator Gus Malzahn’s decision to have Darren McFadden take the snaps from shotgun — running back Ronnie Brown took six snaps from shotgun, and Miami scored four touchdowns in the Wildcat on their way to a dominant 38-13 victory. Miami rode that wave the rest of the season and finished on an 11-3 run to win the AFC East.

“You are going to tell me everything I want to know or I swear to God I will hurt you before I kill you, and no one will be able to stop me.”

Maybe it’s the testosterone in me, but I’ve always thought that if you can run the ball then you don’t need to do anything else. Just run the ball down the other team’s throat until they stop you. This classic quote from Jack goes out to John Fox’s Carolina Panthers, Tom Coughlin’s New York Giants, and Jeff Fisher’s Tennessee Titans. Each team played smash-mouth football all season long, won their divisions, and secured first round byes in the playoffs.

Tennessee started the season 10-0 despite starting quarterback Kerry Collins — a guy so bad that the Raiders gave up on him — filling in for Dr. Phil candidate Vince Young. Rookie of the year candidate Chris Johnson rushed for 1,228 yards and 10 touchdowns while the pudgy LenDale White scored 15 touchdowns as the short yardage back. Defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth anchored the Titans defense as Tennessee finished with the league’s best record (13-3).

The Giants followed up their surprise Super Bowl upset of the Patriots with an 11-1 start. Despite the corny nickname, Brandon Jacobs, Derrick Ward, and Ahmad Bradshaw — a.k.a. Earth, Wind, and Fire — were a dominant three-headed monster at the running back position. Jacobs and Ward each rushed for over 1,000 yards, and their tough running style was the perfect compliment to a strong defense that was led by Pro Bowl defensive end Justin Tuck and his 12 sacks.

With a rebuilt offensive line, Fox decided to run at, around, and through defenses with his talented running back duo of third-year back DeAngelo Williams and rookie Jonathan Stewart. Williams rushed for 1,515 yards and scored 20 touchdowns while Stewart added 836 yards on the ground and 10 TDs. Julius Peppers tallied 14 1/2 sacks and the Panthers finished 12-4.

“I’m sorry, Jack. I wanted to believe that you’d changed, but I can feel it. You’re lying.”

This one goes out to Andy Reid who — like Jack — has a fatal flaw: he’s fat. Ok, I’m kidding; that’s not what I meant to say. What I meant to say was that Reid can’t stop himself from calling too many passing plays. For the season the Eagles had about a 40/60 run/pass ratio — about normal for Reid’s Eagles. But from Week 10 ’til Week 12, Reid pigged out on the pass, even by his standards.

During that three-game stretch (vs. Giants, at Cincinnati, and at Baltimore), the Eagles went an embarrassing 0-2-1 and the run/pass ratio was all out of whack. Reid and offensive coordinator Marty Mornhinweg dialed up a staggering 139 pass plays — that’s over 45 per game — and ran the ball just 60 times in that same time span. Donovan McNabb was benched in the middle of the Ravens game for the first time in his career, but backup QB (always a Philly favorite) Kevin Kolb could do no better as the Eagles limped into the stretch run with an embarrassing 31-7 blowout loss.

(By the way, Mornhinweg the same guy that took the wind when he won the toss in overtime as head coach of the Detriot Lions. The Lions of course lost before they ever took over possession, and Mornhinweg was later fired. Yeah, you’re jealous that he’s second in command of my favorite team.)

But the Eagles always have a late run in them — more on that later…

Meanwhile, Drew Brees was taking pass-happy to record levels. The 2008 Offensive Player of the Year passed for 5,069 yards and 34 touchdowns, just the second QB ever to pass for 5,000 yards (Dan Marino in ‘84 was the other). Still the Saints, and their top-ranked offense, finished at 8-8 and out of the playoffs.

“Drop your weapon!”

My guess is that Tom Coughlin wishes that he had said this to Plaxico Burress before he killed his team’s Super Bowl chances while accidentally shooting himself in the leg in a Manhattan night club. Before Burress broke New York’s strict handgun laws, the Giants were 10-1 and on the fast track towards repeating as Super Bowl champions. New York would close the season with a 2-3 record but still finished as the NFC’s top-seed after defeating fellow smash-mouther Carolina on Sunday Night Football in Week 16.

Plax, Eli misses you.

“Spare me your sixth grade Michael Moore logic!”

NFL logic states that rookie quarterbacks don’t lead their teams to the playoffs. I guess that means that Atlanta’s Matt Ryan and Baltimore’s Joe Flacco are not your common rookie signal callers. Ryan — along with new head coach Mike Smith, free agent pickup Nate Turner, and John Abraham — led the Falcons to a stunning turnaround from 4-12 to 11-5, while the Ravens — who rely on their Ray Lewis- and Ed Reed-led defense — also finished 11-5 with a rookie head coach in John Harbaugh. While neither QB was the focal point of their offense, neither backed down like a liberal, um, wussy.

Then again, neither has Michael Moore…

“Complex problems sometimes have the simplest solutions.”

This quote from Wayne Palmer — the Frank Stallone of the Palmer family tree — just about sums up the improbable playoff runs for the Chargers and Eagles. The Chargers were four games back of the Broncos in the AFC West with four weeks left in the season, and the Eagles needed to fly past three teams — Chicago, Tampa Bay, and Dallas — in the final week of the season to join the postseason party as a wildcard team. All both teams needed was everyone to lose — simple enough.

San Diego won three straight games while Denver did its part, losing three straight before their huge Sunday night showdown for the Division in Week 17. Both Chicago and Tampa Bay lost in early games in Week 17 — thus eliminating them from playoff contention — which left Dallas-Philly in the afternoon as a winner-take-all contest for the playoffs.

The Eagles pulverized the Cowboys, 44-6, and the Chargers whooped the Broncos, 52-21 — avenging the Ed Hoculi loss in Week Two. Simple enough indeed…

The following takes place between Wildcard Weekend and Championship Sunday.

“You cannot have a normal life and do this job at the same time.”

This one goes out to one of the NFL’s all-time great people: Tony Dungy. His last game as the Indianapolis head coach was an overtime loss to San Diego, where LaDainian Tomlinson’s backup Darren Sproles ran for over 100 yards and two TDs — including the game-winner in overtime. Hopefully now Dungy can spend more time with his family and do some real good for this world. It sure could use his help. (Now, if only he could’ve helped Peyton Manning win a few more postseason games…)

“You can either phone the President and explain to her that your conscience won’t allow you to do what is necessary…or you can do what is necessary.”

This quote goes to the dominant defensive units in Baltimore and Philadelphia that sparked both teams’ deep playoff runs. Both defensive units shut down a pair of explosive ground attacks on their way to surprising championship game entries.

The Ravens found an answer to the Wildcat and laid the smackdown on the Dolphins in Miami one week before stealing a road win against the top-seeded Titans. Meanwhile, the Eagles stout run D limited the NFL’s leading rusher, Adrian Peterson, and returned a Tarvaris Jackson interception for a touchdown during their Wildcard victory over the Vikings. The next week in the Divisional Round, Philly knocked off the defending champions in the Meadowlands with a pair of fourth down stands late in the fourth quarter.

“I’ve killed two people since midnight. I haven’t slept in over 24 hours. So maybe you should be a little more afraid of me than you are now.”

This quote is an oldie but goody from Jack in Season One, and it applies very well to Eagles fans before the NFC Championship. Ask anyone who’s seen “24″ — Jack isn’t to be messed with, especially when he’s pulling an all-nighter with the fate of the free world in his hands.

In the 2008 playoffs, Larry Fitzgerald was the football equivalent of Jack Bauer. I know because I was there when the Cardinals wide receiver helped defeat my beloved Eagles in the NFC Championship Game.

It’s not that we Philly fans didn’t know that Fitzgerald was dangerous; it’s just that we didn’t think that there was any reason to believe that the Cardinals — the stinkin’ Arizona Cardinals — could possibly beat the Eagles in the NFC Title game. We were wrong. Fitz broke virtually every postseason receiving record known to man as the Cardinals improbably ran the gauntlet in the NFC Playoffs (beating Atlanta at home and blowing out Carolina on the road). In four games, number 11 caught 30 passes for 546 yards and seven TDs (all NFL postseason records) as Arizona shocked the world by winning the NFC Championship for the first time in team history.

“Do you understand the difference between dying for something and dying for nothing? The only reason I fought so hard to stay alive in China was because I didn’t want to die for nothing. Today, I can die for something.”

This quote goes out to the Steelers defense, the best in the NFL. The latest incarnation of the Steel Curtain — overlooked as title contenders most of the season — knocked out the NFL’s top-rated passer (Chargers QB Phillip Rivers) in the Divisional Round and out-slugged Baltimore’s second-ranked unit in the AFC Title Game. On a cold January evening in Pittsburgh, the kind of weather that only great defenses like, the Steelers brutally defeated the arch-rival Ravens for the third time this season. Willis McGahee left that game on a stretcher, and he is lucky to be alive; but at least it was something worth dying for, a shot at the Lombardi Trophy two weeks later in warm and sunny Tampa.

The following takes place on Super Bowl Sunday.

“Don’t wait around for life to happen to you. Find something that makes you happy, and do it.”

This is for a pair of men, James Harrison and Larry Fitzgerald, that were equally deserving of the Super Bowl MVP Trophy, regardless of the outcome. Each player swung the pendulum in favor of his team with a big play. Harrison’s interception return at the end of the first half (despite Fitzgerald’s best efforts to bring him down at the one) gave the Steelers a 17-7 halftime lead. Fitzgerald of course came alive in a big way in the fourth quarter, scoring two touchdowns — including an electric 64-yard catch and run that finally gave Arizona the lead with just 2:37 left in the game. He just needed his defense to hold on to it like they did in the waning moments of the NFC Championship…

“Right here, right now, you are going to face JUSTICE!”

Just as Jack always comes through for the red, white, and blue, Big Ben Roethlisburger and Santonio Holmes were equally clutch for the black and gold. Taking over from their own 22-yard line, the Steelers would need to march the length of the field to take the lead. Before the drive, the Steelers wide receiver found his QB on the sidelines and told him to look his way every time because he was going to deliver. True to his word, Holmes caught four passes for 71 yards and Roethlisburger marched the offense 78 yards — culminating with a beautiful six-yard TD pass to Holmes, who tip-toed in the corner of the endzone to give Pittsburgh a thrilling 27-23 victory in Super Bowl XLIII. Holmes was named Super Bowl MVP, and Roethlisburger joined Joe Montana and Eli Manning as the only QBs to lead their team on a game-winning touchdown drive while trailing in the game’s final minute.

Enjoy Week One everyone!

(Special thanks to 24quotes.com and moviemistakes.com!)

Tags: 2008 season, 24, Jack Bauer, NFL Preview