Expect another ‘Decision’ from Favre on retirement

Lebron James got himself a one-hour ESPN special devoted to “The Decision” about his free agency plans and glorification of his suddenly massive ego, but the real “decision” for 2010 is Brett Favre’s plan to either return to the NFL or at last retire permanently.

A winning ticket, even if it is by default! Gotta love politics...

The past two seasons, Favre and Minnesota Vikings head coach Brad Childress have staged a remarkable game of chicken and lies in Minnesota. The ever-perceptive Jack Bauer of All Sports has always been quick to use the resources of the CTU Sports Division to snuff out deception and injustice (I still have not been fined by David Stern for accusing the NBA of fixing Games 2 and 3 of the 2010 NBA Finals.), and Tuesday’s retirement “announcement” by Favre is no exception. Heck, by Wednesday morning, Favre already retracted this announcement that he purported to never have made.

No, I do not believe Favre has gone through what he has in the offseason to just retire. In fact, just like the past two seasons, I believe Favre announced his retirement as a ploy to skip training camp and the extra physical wear-and-tear. Brett Favre is the greatest football competitor of my generation, and I do not believe he is offically giving up returning to the NFL in early August in spite of the physical challenges of his age, with his last game being an overtime loss (due to his interception near “field goal range” for the Vikings) in the NFC Championship game.

Since his final season as the Green Bay Packers’ starting quarterback, Favre has established a record of saying one thing, then retracting that statement, then retracting his retraction, very much like a politician. Brad Childress has openly supported, and possibly encouraged this behavior to play to the public and protect Favre from potential injury between seasons, much like a politician’s running mate. Now that Favre and Childress once again are behaving like politicians, the suckers of sports-nation continue to give them attention between the end of the Super Bowl and the start of the following season.

The only other player in this “Decision” is Tavaris Jackson, the Vikings starting quarterback prior to Favre’s arrival. In four seasons with the Vikes prior to Favre, Jackson’s only memorable accomplishment was a first-round home playoff loss, and the Vikings reached this point behind the strength of running back Adrian Peterson and a stout defense. It’s no wonder Jackson is without a running mate for “Decision 2010″ and the Favre/ Childress ticket is running unopposed! Jackson isn’t even savvy enough to campaign to the soft-minded public by taking credit for the work of others.

Despite all his posturing, I, Jack Bauer of All Sports, firmly suspect that Favre will be under center in Week 1.

To sum up my disgust at this candidacy and the lack of a worthwhile alternative, I have no choice but to compare Decision 2010 to the South Park episode during the 2004 Presidential Election which pitted a Giant Douche and a Turd Sandwich against one another for the office of South Park Elementary School Mascot.