By Gregory Miller
THE COMMISH

How about 3,268 Cadillac Escalades (ESV Edition)?

Tricked out Caddies not your style? Let’s go with something a little more palatable: luxury homes.

A 6 bedroom, 7 bathroom luxury home, currently priced at $3,895,000, has a list of amenities that goes on for days, including a completed 3-room basement and a dual spiral staircase that looks like something out of Scarface.

Does this Tony Montana residence suit your fancy? Well, you could buy 56 of these. 56! You could own an entire development full of these houses!

Need one more visual? How about eating one of these $5,000 burgers at every meal (the three old school meals, not the constant, small portion chow down people are into these days) for the next 40 years? Sure, you’d die from the immense amounts of cholesterol and meaty goodness but with $220 million, it could be done with ease.

I bring up “$220 million” because that is what it took for Spanish soccer giant Real Madrid to purchase the RIGHTS to world-class midfielders Kaka (app. $90 million) and Cristiano Ronaldo (app. $130 million). I stress “rights” because this doesn’t even take into account the amount of bank Real is going to have to pay each player in terms of yearly salary.

(For those who are not familiar with the transfer fee concept, it would be equivalent to the New England Patriots selling Tom Brady to the Dallas Cowboys for, say, 75 million dollars. Then, after the fee was accepted, Dallas would have to deal with Brady on restructuring a new contract.)

Speaking of contracts, preliminary reports have Kaka making around $327k per week while Ronaldo will take in around $295k per week.

In total, the 2009-10 estimates for these two players will come to the remarkable total of $250 million.  That’s not the length of their time at the Bernabeu. That is just this year ALONE.

Why would Real Madrid do something so drastic in one of the worst economic recessions in recent memory? Why would a club with a Spanish record 57 domestic trophies and European record 9 Euro Cup titles splash money around like a reckless, drunken gambler stranded in the middle of Las Vegas?

Simple: Their main rivals, FC Barcelona, flat out embarrassed them this year.

Embarrassed may not be strong enough. There’s “getting your pants pulled down in gym” embarrassed, there’s “losing 8 straight to the Boston Red Sox” embarrassed and then there is the way Barcelona did Real Madrid dirty in 2009.

For starters, Barcelona completed one of the rarest happenings in European soccer during the 2008-09 season: The Treble. Barca’s Treble, the fifth of its kind in European history, consisted of the La Liga title, the Copa Del Rey (Spain’s top domestic trophy) and the UEFA Champions’ League trophy. Not only did Barca win all three, but they did it with flare, scoring over 170 goals across the three competitions.

Now, you may be asking “Why is that embarrassing to Real?” So Barca had a great year, that doesn’t speak any volumes on Madrid, does it? There is some truth to that, as can be evidenced with Manchester United’s thorough beat down of the English Premier League this season.

What does make this season particularly agonizing for Los Blancos was the way they lost. They finished 9 points out in the League title race after dismantling La Liga the prior season, finishing 18 points clear of their rivals. Furthermore, they were dismantled in the Champions League Round of 16 by Liverpool while Barca finished off Man U in the Final.

Worst of all, they were bitch-slapped in the two head-to-head meetings this season, losing by an aggregate score of 8-2 (with a particularly bitter 6-2 loss at the Camp Nou back in May).

Combine that with the star power of Barcelona, ranging from attacking youngsters Lionel Messi and Samuel Eto’o to seasoned veterans Thierry Henry and Carles Puyol, and you can see why Real Madrid had to make a giant splash in this year’s transfer market.

Screw giant splash, this was a Jackknife/Cannonball combo by a King Hippo into a kiddie pool.

With Kaka and CR, Real Madrid inserts itself back into the conversation of most talented clubs in Europe. These two, along with current Real midfielders Arjen Robben and Wesley Sneijder, should create one of the most offensively dynamic midfields in the world.

Whether or not high spending and immediate success have any correlation remains to be seen. Just ask the 2009 Yankees how well that one’s working out for them against the Sawx.

What is evident is that Real Madrid will come back next season as a force to be reckoned with in European soccer.

At the very least, they won’t end up as Barca’s bitch for the second campaign running.

By Michael Gallagher

Anytime someone is on pace to break a record, good or bad, it’s always interesting to see why they are on the pace. Chris Davis is on pace to shatter Mark Reynolds’ record of 204 strikeouts (on pace for 257). Here are some stats on Davis that are pretty funny and a slew of other neat stats that follow:

He is batting .059 when he has two strikes on him.

He swings and misses 43.2 percent of the time (most in MLB).

When the ball is in the strike zone, Davis swings and misses 39.6 percent of the time (Reynolds is second-to-last with 31 percent)

Marco Scutaro leads the league with a 94.6 percent contact rate. Scutaro also swings at just 10.6 percent of the pitches outside of the strike zone.

Bengie Molina walks only 1.1 percent of his plate appearances.

Adrian Gonzalez hits a home run on 35.6 percent of his fly balls in play. Chris Davis is second at 28.6 percent.

Nick Johnson hits a line drive 30.2 percent of the time (line drives are hits about 70 percent of the time).

Alfonso Soriano gets a fastball on just 44.3 percent of the pitches he sees (Howard is second with 47.5 percent and Francoeur is third with 48.5 percent).

Albert Pujols has been intentionally walked 16 times this season. Justin Morneau is a distant second with seven.

When the ball is outside of the strike zone, Dustin Pedoria makes contact 89.5 percent of the time he swings.

Chipper Jones (92.8 percent) and Emilio Boniface (93.2 percent) have the worst fielding percentage in the league. Kevin Kouzmanoff has the best percentage among third basemen with 99.2 percent.

Joe Saunders has allowed a league-low 11.2 line-drive percentage on balls in play. Josh Beckett and Justin Verlander are on the other end.

Brett Myers allows home runs on 23.9 percent of his fly balls. Zack Greinke hasn’t given up a bomb yet.

Barry Zito’s run support per game is only 2.15. Kevin Slowey gets 8.36.

Rick Porcello has yet to get an out via the infield fly. Johan Santana gets an infield fly on 22.9 percent of the balls in play.

Jon Lester (.374), Tim Lincecum (.367), and Cliff Lee (.352) have the worst batting average on balls in play (BABIP) in the league. Johnny Cueto (.234) and Brian Tallet (.236) are the league leaders.

Justin Verlander’s fastball is the fastest among starters at 95.5 mph. Wakefield (72.1), Moyer (81), Livan Hernandez (84.6), and Doug Davis (85.1) are bringing up the rear. Verlander also leads with a slider at 89 mph.

Josh Beckett (91.9), Erik Bedard (90.7) and Roy Halladay (90.7) are the only three pitchers that have cut fastballs averaging over 90 mph.

Only seven starters in the league throw a split-finger fastball more than 1 percent of the time (Dan Haren, Randy Johnson, Braden Looper, Kenshin Kawakami, Manny Parra, Ryan Dempster, and Brad Penny). Twenty-three relievers throw the splitter more than 1 percent of the time. The closers are David Aardsma, Matt Lindstrom, Ryan Franklin, Kevin Gregg, Johnathan Papelbon, and Francisco.

Erik Bedard throws a curveball 34.5 percent of the time.

Aaron Cook throws a fastball 86.6 percent of the time.

Javier Vazquez is tied with Johan Santana for the NL strikeout crown with 86 punch outs.

Brett Myers and Scott Baker allow 2.4 home runs per nine innings.

Javier Vazquez leads the league with a 70.2 percent contact rate against. Jon Garland is last with 90.5 percent.

Batters swing at 52.6 percent of the pitches throw by Scott Baker. Johan is second with 51.9 percent and Joba Chamberlain has the lowest with 36.9 percent.

By Michael Licisyn
MR. DUDE AND STUFF

Has Philly gone soft?

Although I don’t buy into all the ridiculous urban myths about Philadelphia fans (see the Santa incident that happened some 40+ years ago), I still will admit that we are a tough fanbase to please. We appreciate hustle and hard work and we’ll let the athletes know when we don’t like something.  

Phillies manager Charlie Manuel came out with a rather interesting quote, though, that I scratched my brain over.  

“Our fans are still really into everything. They fill our ballpark up and they stay,” Manuel said. “I notice sometimes if fans are near our dugout and talking to our players, they always want to talk about last year. That’s good. I want them to keep coming to the games. But I want the fans to start telling them they want to win this year, too. Of course they love us and everything, but maybe they should get on them a little bit.”  

Has Philly lost that edge after the Phillies’ magical 2008 championship run? Take a look at the 2008 playoffs, when the Phils didn’t lose a home game during the postseason. It was a house of horrors for visiting teams. In the 2009 season, however, the Phils’ home record is abysmal, while the road record is one of the best in the majors. How can that be?  

I know that after 2008, I personally became slightly complacent. I’ve been hard at work shooting a new film most of the spring and summer so far and haven’t been able to pay as much attention to my Fightin’ Phils. I haven’t been getting angry or even that concerned over the poor starting-pitcher ERA and alarming number of home runs given up in the early going. Brad Lidge has blown several saves already and has an ERA over 9.00. Have I become so satisfied with the championship that I’ve granted the Phils a free pass?  

During the Eagles’ 2008-09 playoff run, I know that I wasn’t too happy with their performance (or lack thereof) in the NFC Championship game. I felt angry and betrayed, as usual, with the Birds. But I seem to have been forgiven the Phils for past, present and future boneheaded mistakes.

Maybe Manuel has a point. Part of what gives the Phils such an edge at Citizens Bank Park is the cozy confines of the crowd. We push them to perform with greatness while intimidating the opposition. It seems the opposition plays carefree right now and the fans are forgiving of the home team’s mediocre play.

I do wonder though if it’s smart, though, to invite the storm and clouds to return to Philly. The worst thing in the world is to awaken sleeping giants.