Hope this helps!

By Kevin O’Connor
DR. SPORTSFAN

It’s been a few weeks since my last column. Aside from my own personal laziness, there have been several factors keeping me from delivering each week:

1. I can’t use the internet during my day job, so I miss out on all the daily chatter.

2. Living on the West Coast, the early games come on at 4 p.m. with me still two hours from freedom.

3. I have only watched ONE Phillies game all season from start to finish. It’s kind of a drag when you can’t watch your favorite teams play night in and night out. Sure I’d miss some games back when I lived in Jersey, but at least I’d catch the highlights. Fat chance of that happening on Sports Center

With no end in sight to any of these problems, I thought this little case of writer’s block wasn’t going away any time soon.

Funny how Twitter works.

In an effort to try to kick start some creativity (be careful what you wish for), I’ve been getting heavy into this little microblogging site. And since Oprah’s little endorsement, Twitter has gone from a thing some people did to a thing that most people seem to be doing. So I’ve been a happy little camper checking it when I come home at night, looking at the updates from my friends all around the country, funny celebrities and of course some big time sports writers.

Like most sports fans these days, I spend a good amount of time hating on the media. Let’s be serious, the sports media is an easy target these days. For starters, the major sports networks all run too many articles that are based on some wild accusations or leaking information from “unnamed sources.” When we’re not hearing from a “prominent member of [insert organization],” we’re fed a steady diet of ongoing soap operas (i.e. steroids in baseball; any story about Terrell Owens, Adam Jones, Chad Ocho Cinco, or Barry Bonds; or even when an athlete has the audacity to be quoted as saying he thinks he team should win its next game — THE HORRORS!).

Oh that and Brett Favre. By a raise of hands, let’s see who isn’t sick of hearing about Brett Favre? (Please put your hand down, John Madden.) Look, we can all agree he’s a Hall of Famer and an all-time gamer, having never missed a start in the NFL. In many ways, Peter King — Sports Illustrated’s uber football columnist — is one of the journalists (Mr. Madden, again, please put your hand down!) with the most access to Brett. Great for, you, Peter and your career, but it’s a loss for the rest of us sports fans. If he can still be the top story on every major sports news outlet when he is no longer a top-flight quarterback, something is going wrong in the sports-writing world. If you take into account the amount of space devoted to him, Favre has somehow become overrated in the public eye. In a way, Favre has become the greatest overrated sports athlete of all time now.

What a weird ending to a great career. In many ways, this could never have happened without the media. Just know this, most sports fans really don’t care about the Brett Favre situation anymore.

The Favre storyline must be stopped!!

Now it’s one thing to whine in private, but it’s another thing entirely when you basically make fun of someone in the media in public. That’s the thing with the internet: You never really know who is watching. It might be Peter King.

Here’s how it all started.

After reading a few back-and-forth tweets from NFL Network anchor Rich Eisen and King, I couldn’t help but notice the affection these two share.

DrSportsFan: @richeisen and @SI_PeterKing are downright bromancing on the twitski. Twit that!

Now, reading that out loud right now, that sounds a little bit mean-spirited. That was not my goal, but rather I was just busting on two highly successful people to my 30 or so followers. But I wasn’t through with King yet. No, I felt the need to make fun of his “professionalism.” Smooth move, Dr. Sportsfan!

SI_PeterKing: All right, King. Enough of the fun. Get your head into the story you’re writing for SI next week. You’ll all want to read it, by the way.

DrSportsFan: @SI_PeterKing really will I like it?!?! c’mon now. ur a professional

For those of you living under a rock (the rest of you non-rock dwellers, please skip to the next paragraph), by merely adding “@” in front of any Twitter screen name, you now — like Heman, the Master of the Universe — have the power. Furthermore, Twitter has the nice little tool that lets you view any recent messages that have been updated “at” you.

I’ve been a little chatty on Twitter lately, and I might have gotten a little too frisky. If it appears that I was making fun of Peter King and Rich Eisen’s friendly twitter chatter the other night — well it’s because I was. Who cares, really, right? And when I poked fun at King when he said that we’d like his column, again who was going to read it, my 30 or so followers?

Wrong.

SI_PeterKing: @DrSportsFan : What does that mean, exactly?

So I was a tad bit surprised that King had noticed the polite — make that rude — comments I’d been making to him. Ok. I was shocked. As John Stewart said regarding his wonderful little visit to CNN’s Crossfire, it’s uncomfortable!

As for an answer to your question: Peter, I just thought it was funny that you felt the need to plug your column on twitter. You write for Sports Illustrated. There isn’t a sports fan on this continent that doesn’t know about SI. While we plug and market our columns for Taking Back Sports, I couldn’t have imagined someone with your career needing to plug a column. It plugs itself. Monday Morning Quarterback is a must-read for all football fans. You are one of those sports writers that transcend the sporting world.

In a way, I’m actually glad that you plugged your column. Even though I used your words to make fun of you, it’s a pretty neat thing that you can convey your thoughts and feelings directly to your readers — of course you do have to deal with their thoughts as well.

But since I have your attention, Peter — and I imagine that you are quite a busy man — I’d like to take this grand opportunity to ask you some questions, sports fan to sports writer:

1. Why is it our first inclination to talk about the negativity in the sports world? I always thought that sports were meant to be fun; and while I know that there is some serious money in sports, can’t we forget about all that when we turn on SportsCenter to watch the highlights of our favorite teams (and not see an ex-jock’s scripted reaction)?

2. Do you think the sports fan experience has peaked? With economics coming between the common, middle-class fan and the rich and elite owners and players, it seems as though sports fans and those that work in sports are further apart than ever before. Are we even the same race of people?

3. Are you sick of writing about Favre? Just wondering…

4. Do you love your job? I always thought that being a sports writer must be the greatest job in the world, and you get to cover the greatest sport of the all — the NFL. You write a great column every week, and it is read by thousands — if not millions — of sports fans. But the question remains, do you still love your job?

5. Have you ever interviewed an athlete that was so crazy (*cough* T.O.) that many of his quotes (*cough* Ochocinco) were just preposterous?

6. What do you think the future of sports writing will be? Obviously blogging already plays a major role, but is the career sports writer all but finished? (Take it from me, there are almost no sports-writing jobs available to any young writers.)

In the meantime, thanks for all the good writing and for your question — even if it was because you were annoyed with me.

I hope I clarified things, but please keep doing things your way anyway. Even if you are a coffee nerd!

But if you get the chance, could you please say hi to Brett Favre for me? I hear he’s looking to possibly make a comeback…

By Dan Angell

So we’re at the conference finals, with the Detroit Red Wings and Pittsburgh Penguins now just three wins away from playing for hockey’s ultimate prize. But really, it seems like there are only two contenders for the Stanley Cup: the aforementioned Red Wings and Penguins. You might remember these teams from such matchups as last year’s Stanley Cup Finals.

Yes, same teams as last year. Amazingly, that hasn’t happened since 1984, when the Edmonton Oilers stopped the New York Islanders from winning a fifth consecutive Cup after the Isles swept them the year before. In fact, the Isles lost more games in that one Cup Finals than in the four they won, in which they lost three total. Just shows you don’t win four of these things by accident, folks.

To go back even further, the last time a team won consecutive Cups by beating the same team twice was in 1978, when the Montreal Canadiens beat the Boston Bruins. Yes, two teams that are now in the same division met for the Cup two straight years. The NHL also thought it was a good idea to have Los Angeles and Pittsburgh in the same division for eight years. And people say Gary Bettman has caused the league problems.

But anyway, we’ve got some kind of history happening here, and things are set up perfectly for it. The San Jose Sharks aren’t here, and the Wings have already flown by the Anaheim Ducks. The Chicago Blackhawks are very inexperienced, don’t have a stud goaltender like Vancouver, don’t hit as much as Anaheim and aren’t as skilled with the puck as San Jose.

In the East, the Penguins don’t have to face the Boston Bruins or the New Jersey Devils, and they’ve already defeated the Washington Capitals and Alex Ovechkin. Instead, Crosby, Malkin and Friends get the Carolina Hurricanes, the East’s sixth-best team.

So let’s plan the parade in Detroit or Pittsburgh, right? Not exactly.

The Blackhawks might be young, but youth didn’t stop the Penguins from reaching the Stanley Cup Finals last year. They’ve got some experience in Martin Havlat, Brian Campbell and Nikolai Khabibulin, so they aren’t completely a group of wide-eyed kids. But the wide-eyed kids will have to be the difference. Put simply, the Blackhawks aren’t beating the Red Wings without Jonathan Toews and Patrick Kane playing great. No goals and few shots aren’t going to cut it.

As for the Hurricanes, they’ve got a great weapon in their arsenal: Cam Ward. Nobody has beaten him in a playoff series so far, and the guy is a perfect 4-for-4 in Game 7s. Ward might be the best clutch performer there is today, and I’m not limiting that to just hockey.

But as good as Ward is, the Canes can’t win if they can’t outscore the Penguins. Crosby and Malkin have carried Pittsburgh all year long, and Carolina has no scorer to match them, even counting Eric Staal. They’ve got to win this series on the blue line, or Ward’s streak will be over.

So after all of that analysis, what’s my prediction for these conference finals?

Let’s plan the parade in either the Motor City or the Steel City. Nothing’s stopping history.

By Jason Branch
JACK BAUER OF ALL SPORTS

Alexander Ovechkin. Sidney Crosby.

They’re the NHL’s two marquee players. And they hate each other.

Forty Percent.

That’s how many cable subscribers had the opportunity to watch these players and their respective teams do battle for seven games to win the right to advance to the Eastern Conference Finals.

As elementary math will tell you, Sixty Percent of cable subscribers do not get Versus, the primary carrier of the NHL playoffs this season and the previous three seasons. Have you wondered lately, or anytime in the past four years, what happened to hockey and why it isn’t on TV anymore?

Answer: Hockey never left TV, it’s just only on 40 percent of TVs with cable.

With all do respect to the probably great people who work over there, Versus is basically the Detroit Lions of cable channels. That’s bad news for hockey fans, and for sports fans across the board who will tune in to any sport come playoff time to watch a good, competitive series with the top players in a sport. I’m at best a casual hockey fan, but having more free time then I’d like, I’ve been tuning into Versus the past month to watch the NHL playoffs for the same reasons sports fans in general might tune in. A sport I do not care about whatsoever is soccer, but come World Cup time, I’ll watch, because it’s the World Cup, the premier event of a top sport featuring its best players.

Perhaps this season more than ever, the presence of the NHL Playoffs on Versus has proven to be a disaster to the sport. The reality is (take it from Jack, who has watched quite a bit of playoff hockey this season and has followed the sport over the years at least enough to talk intelligently about it) this year’s NHL playoffs have been awesome. Among the best ever probably (I defer to the other fine writers of Taking Back Sports to offer a more precise ranking of these playoffs in the historical realm). Even ESPN — which is second only to Gary Bettman in responsibility for you, the fan, missing playoff hockey — is giving the NHL a lot of airtime on it’s various programs. (Editor’s Note: Gary Bettman isn’t the only dim-witted commissioner out there.)

I’ve also been following the NBA playoffs very closely, as my loyal readers well know. And I must say, in spite of not getting Versus in HD on my top-of-the-line package with Cox Communications (if anyone who works for Cox is reading this, I mentioned the name of my cable service on purpose for a reason), I have enjoyed watching the NHL playoffs almost as much as the NBA playoffs. Allow me to briefly recap all of the great things that have happened so far in the NHL Playoffs:

Ovechkin leads the Capitals back from a 3-1 deficit against the Rangers to win in 7 in round one.

Bitter rivals, the Flyers and the Penguins met in round one. Pens won in six tough games.

The sixth-seeded Hurricanes knock off the No. 1 seed Bruins in seven games in round two after upsetting the Devils in round one in another seven-game series.

The No. 8 Ducks knock off the top-seeded Sharks in round one to meet the Red Wings in round two. This has become one of the great rivalries in hockey this decade, as the teams have won the last two Stanley Cups. The Wings outlasted the Ducks in 7.

“Sid the Kid” and Ovechkin square off in Round 2. The Pens score the minor upset (based on seeding), crushing the Caps in D.C. in Game 7.

Nothing gets sports fans more jacked up then the excitement of a Game 7  in any sport (maybe Phil Jackson isn’t a sports fan anymore). The NHL has already had five, and there are two more rounds of playoffs to go.

This year’s NBA playoffs had an all-time series between the Celtics and Bulls, as well as two other good ones in Boston-Orlando and L.A.-Houston. The Hawks and Heat also went seven games in round one, but that series was not that exciting and of little consequence because everyone knew the winner of that series would get smoked by LeBron and Co. — which is exactly what happened. That’s only four Game 7s (not that that is weak by any standards, but that’s less than the NHL this year).

The NHL playoffs also have storylines this year that are just as intriguing as the NBA playoffs’. For the first time in a long time, the NHL playoffs have been worth watching.  Unfortunately, many can’t because of Gary Bettman, the dimwitted commissioner of the NHL.

A figure familiar to many who’ve worked in an office environment, the Boss from Dilbert, is a striking comparison. Dilbert fans out there (including yours truly) know how incompetent, lousy, and mundane a manager the Boss is. For those non-Dilbert fans, we’re not looking at Al Davis stupid, we’re looking at worse! The Boss in Dilbert has no common sense, no ability, no talent, and in all of the years of the comic, has accomplished nothing and has made life miserable for everyone around him.

With that brief description, I introduce Bettman, the man who has ruined not only the NHL, but the entire sport of hockey (at least this country). After the lockout that cancelled the 2004-05 season, ESPN declined to renew its option to broadcast NHL games. Bettman then negotiated a deal that landed the NHL on … Versus? That’s the best you could do, Bettman, commissioner of a major sport? Worse, NBC got the rights to certain weekend and playoff games for FREE! Charge them something, Bettman, even if it’s just a nominal amount!

So this is why many of you reading may have in fact only seen a handful of NHL playoff games this postseason. Because the commissioner, in a desperation move to get games on the air after the lockout — which he caused by years of mismanagement of the league and ensuing losses — made a long-term deal with Versus in exchange for a few beans that haven’t grown into giant beanstalks.

Talk about a “master of panic.” With all due respect to Stan Van Gundy, who has lately been a shining representative of his Shaq-anointed title, Bettman was even more of one. Van Gundy has one more game to prevent ruining an entire team’s season by being a “master of panic,” but Bettman has ruined an entire league and it’s associated sport.

Did Bettman seriously think he could grow a disgruntled fan-base post-lockout by putting the NHL on a station few people get, let alone watch if they have it? Worse, the long-term survival of the sport in this country is in danger because of this move. Young kids aren’t watching hockey on Versus, so I can’t help but wonder: Will there be a next generation of hockey fans in this country?

Sadly, Bettman probably did think this. This is the same Bettman who actually thought the NHL could succeed in the state of Arizona. Let’s see how much longer until the Coyotes hail from Southern Ontario.

Bettman did not, nor did he have to, do anything to generate what has been a terrific postseason for the NHL at a time that the league – and the sport — need it more than ever in this country. The only problems are that Bettman has deprived viewers the opportunity to see the playoffs, and Bettman has done no marketing of the sport – even with two great young stars in Crosby and Ovechkin.

Speaking of marketing, the quote from the Boss in the comic sounds very familiar to something Bettman would say, if he even has a Director of Marketing …

By Jason Branch
JACK BAUER OF ALL SPORTS

“Are we embarrassed? No. We’re not embarrassed”- Phil Jackson after the Lakers’ Game 4 loss to the Rockets that evened the series at two games a piece.

“There’s nothing to worry about…”- Phil Jackson after the Lakers’ Game 6 loss to the Rockets to even the series at three games a piece.

Allow me to paraphrase the great John McEnroe, “You can’t be serious, Phil!”

Phil Jackson is a tough one to argue with when it comes to basketball. He has nine NBA Championship rings and has coached two of the best players to ever step on the hardwood in Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant. And he is the Zen Master, after all. But showing absolutely no regard for the reality that if the Lakers lose another game before they win one, Jackson’s quest for a 10th ring is over for this season? That’s definitely something out of the Zen world.

Now of course all possibilities must be considered by any rational sports fan. Maybe Jackson is just putting on a show for the media and he’s a lot more emotional and nervous in the locker room? Maybe Jackson really is not worried about Game 7, as it is at the Staples Center and he expects his team to put out an effort much more like Game 5? It’s a possibility, given Jackson was proven right after Game 4.

Or just maybe it’s a combination of both?

And then there’s the Jack “Bauer” of All Sports theory – which I’ll admit is a bit of a reach, but heck, so was my victory amongst the Taking Back Sports writers in the NFL Draft Challenge despite only offering picks for the first two-thirds of the first round.

Here’s what I think is brewing behind the scenes … I think Phil Jackson wants to retire after this season having captured his 10th NBA title. Sound crazy? Hear me out.

First, Jackson is closing in on 64 years of age, so he is approaching that time in his career where he probably is starting to think about retirement — if he hasn’t already, given the turmoil during the divorce of Shaq and Kobe. Second, winning a 10th title will move him out of a tie with the great Red Auerbach for most NBA championships as a head coach.

The timing is certainly prime for Jackson to walk off into the sunset if the Lakers are the last team standing at the end of this postseason. Logic suggests Jackson should be concerned more than ever about missing out on this opportunity, yet he remains relaxed, at least in front of the media.

(The reality is that this is probably the Lakers’ last chance to win a title for a really long time. Kobe isn’t getting any younger. Derek Fisher has lost several steps and is on his last breaths as an NBA player after a brilliant 13-year career, during which he was the force of stability and consistency on the Lakers’ championship teams. The Nuggets are a young and talented team that already is playing better than the Lakers right now. And LeBron James is simply a beast and still getting better. He will win multiple titles.)

The biggest factor in the relaxed attitude is that Phil Jackson trusts his team will get the job done, which is always a positive for a head coach. Heck, Jackson has a lot of talent to work with, and he is a seasoned coach who has experienced about everything a basketball coach can. Thus, he is more relaxed and functional under pressure than other coaches, such as Stan Van Gundy, who has done a brilliant job of proving Shaq’s claim that he is a “Master of Panic.”

However, I think there are some other factors at play inside the mind of the Zen Master. Jackson’s manner suggests, at least to me, “‘Jack the Sportsfan,” that Jackson simply believes it, as in a championship this season, will happen because it should and it makes sense given what I’ve outlined.

Jackson is the Zen Master, after all. Yes, I know I’ve said that already, but it’s a very important point to my case, just like The Dude had to keep reminding Walter that “they’re gonna kill that poor woman.” (The Big Lebowski is a must-see movie if you are lost on this reference.) Perhaps he has tapped into his inner Zen and has mystical forces working on the side of the Lakers to make sure they win the title this year.

Yes, I know this seems like a reach and very much lacking in actual facts. But it makes sense, at least to me, and I hope it does to you, even if you disagree.

I can’t see any other logical explanation for it. It is almost like Jackson knows something we don’t. He seems like the most relaxed person in the Lakers Nation right now heading into Game 7 against a team that has caused the Lakers fits on both sides of the ball and shown much more desire to win the series. Not to mention what I believe to be a breakdown in coaching by Phil Jackson in Game 6 by not capitalizing on the Lakers’ superior size (like he did in Game 5), and by apparently not motivating his players to put forth any effort whatsoever.

But the Zen Master must know, or believe he knows, something we don’t and that the Lakers will accomplish the ultimate goal for this season. As a Lakers fan, I hope this is the case, and will be interested to see if Jackson calls it quits if they win it all this year. If he does, Jack gave it to you first.

For the record, if the Lakers don’t win this year, I don’t expect to see Jackson walk away this season. He has too much pride to leave the game, having come so close in consecutive seasons. He’d certainly stick around to try and see Andrew Bynum play a full season healthy with Kobe, Lamar Odom, and Pau Gasol, along with a young bench another year older.

By Adio B. Royster
THE PHOENIX

To the fans of the New York Metropolitans:

Normally, I am very good at not letting my Philadelphian bias show in my columns, but every once in a while, it’s good show my readers where I come from.

There’s a certain attitude that Philadelphians possess. If you’ve been there for five — well, seconds — you know this all too well. One thing we won’t tolerate is naivete. It’s a sin worse than taking advantage of your friend’s drunk 21-year-old sister.

When you’ve suffered from as much sports ineptitude as us, you’ll understand (Editors Note: Please take his word for it!). Up until 2004, Boston was the whipping child. Up until last year, that was us. A World Series championship doesn’t change much … especially when a certain fan base gets too excited WAY too early.

The Mets and Phillies have enjoyed a one-sided rivalry for the last two years. The Phillies have ruled while the Mets have drooled. (Wow, how terribly high-schoolic of me). To avoid further ridicule by using phrases that kids were using in 1995-2000, let me proceed.

I happen to be a member of Facebook (like just about 3-4 trillion other people, including my mother … which is just wrong in so many ways), and one of my friends happens to be a rabid Mets fan. I was watching the Lakers/Rockets game from Saturday — you know, the one where the Lakers became sole personal property of the greater Houston area — when I made a status comment about the game.

I was amazed because Kobe started the game, yet the Rockets still led by 21 at one point. So I made the following comment:

“Adio is wondering what universe he’s living in where the Rockets can lead the Lakers by 21 without Yao Ming AND Tracy McGrady. I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!”

Without provocation, my smooth Mets fan friend proceeded to say that I’m taking crazy pills because the Mets are in first place. (Little does he know technically that insults the Mets). That got me thinking. Do Mets fans really have a right to brag about being in first place … IN MAY?!

If recent history has shown anything, Mets fans should not want the kind of history that they’ve enjoyed the last two seasons. If I were a part of the Mets fan base (heaven forbid), I would want the exact opposite: hang around the middle or bottom half of the division hovering over .500 and then getting that August/September charge into the playoffs. There has been only one team since 2005 that led the division at the June 1 point, only to lose the division … That’s right, the New York Mets. Being in first is not necessarily the best thing in the beginning. It matters in the end.

The 2007 version of the New York Mets led the NL East by 3 1/2 games on June 1, only to lose the division in one of the worst collapses in the history of Major League Baseball: by dropping 12 of their last 17 games and losing the division by a game. The 2008 version of the Mets led the NL East at the end of August, but went 13-12 in the month of September. Mets collapse again.

Are Mets fans seriously grasping for any glimmer of hope they can get their blue and orange hands on? If that is the case, I have no problem letting them have this one for now. When the Mets make a play for another starting pitcher (or three), then I’ll be concerned, but for now, I’ll worry more about the Marlins.

By Jason Branch
JACK BAUER OF ALL SPORTS

54-54.

The 2008 Dodgers’ record prior to the Manny Ramirez trade on July 31, 2008.

30-24.

That was Dodgers’ record after the arrival of Manny Ramirez (not including the postseason).

The Los Angeles Dodgers without Ramirez were an average team in a below-average division last season. This season, the Dodgers are off to a major-league-best 21-8 record. Manny certainly has been a big part of that, and he will be dearly missed. As a Dodger fan and someone who frequented many games last season in Dodger Stadium (as well as Opening Day this year in Petco Park), the contrast in the energy and attendance before and after the arrival of Manny was incredible. He was an instant fan favorite and still is, even leading the Dodgers to designate two sections in left field as “Mannywood” this season.

Fans and the Dodgers’ front office are the biggest losers of Manny’s recent positive test for performance-enhancing drugs and subsequent 50-game suspension. Dodgers Stadium is likely to see a drop-off in attendance and overall energy in the crowd without Manny in the lineup, but the 2009 version of the Dodgers, even without Manny until July 3, will be fine.

Without Manny, the Dodgers this season will be the same story as last season, an average team with a great manager in a below-average division. The difference this season is that the Dodgers will begin their campaign without Manny with a six-game cushion, rather than playing the entire first two-thirds of the season two games out of first place, as they did in 2008.

Joe Torre, the manager-extraordinaire of the Dodgers (Hank Steinbrenner, if you’re reading right now, I know you agree with me. No disrespect to Joe Girardi, but he is not Torre.) will keep the Dodgers ship sailing even without Manny. He dealt with the vicious New York media for 12 seasons, the calamity that is the Yankees’ front office, the A-Rod situation, and the Roger Clemens situation. He will, as he has been able to the past 13 seasons as a major-league manager, find a way to keep the Dodgers  together despite lacking the goofy demeanor and reliable bat that made Manny a clubhouse favorite.

Even without Ramirez, the Dodgers still have a lineup that strikes fear in the heart of the opponents. The development of the Dodgers’ young core of batters — James Loney (.276 BA, 20 RBI), Matt Kemp (.275 BA, 17 RBI), and Andre Ethier (.317 BA, 27 RBI) — has picked up where it left off after the NLCS last season. No doubt, having Ramirez in the heart of the lineup boosted the production of everyone around him, but these other three young hitters are another year older, and with that comes more poise. I don’t expect to see a significant drop-off in their production.

And in front of Loney, Kemp, and Ethier is a platoon of Rafael Furcal, Orlando Hudson, and Juan Pierre occupying the top two slots in Torre’s lineup card. Whatever combination of these three it is on a given night, the Dodgers will have a top of the order as good as anyone’s in all of Major League Baseball. At this early point in the season, Hudson, not Ramirez, is the MVP of the Dodgers, if not all of baseball, batting .342 with 17 RBI, .964 OPS, and 23 runs out of the number two spot.

I haven’t even mentioned Russell Martin yet, an All Star the last two seasons, who is off to a meager .242 start but bound to improve, and the veteran Casey Blake, who will not bat .225 the entire season. Even without Manny in the lineup, this team has eight solid pieces of lumber that can carry the load and maintain a team batting average that right now is tops in the NL at .283.

The last, and possibly most important, reason why the Dodgers will survive until July 3 without Manny: The NL West BLOWS, period. Sure, it is still early in the 2009 season, but the division’s record (not including the Dodgers) is a dismal 50-62 . The San Francisco Giants currently sit in second place at 14-13, thanks to pitching sensation Tim Lincecum and an overachieving 35-year-old catcher named Bengie Molina. The Giants have improved the past couple of seasons, but this team is still far away from contending for the NL “Worst” crown.

In third place are the San Diego Padres at 13-16, and this record is inflated by the Padres overachieving early and starting the season 9-3. The Arizona Diamondbacks are better than their 12-17 start and are likely to be the only team to challenge the Dodgers this season, with or without Manny. As for the Rockies, well they are still the Rockies after the anomaly that was their 2007 NL Champion season (Editor’s Note: Those bastards!).

The reality is that the NL West has not improved as a whole over last season when 84 wins was enough to win the division. I do not intend to downplay the addition of Manny, which was a huge boost to the Dodgers’ team and fan base, and made all the difference for the Dodgers in the postseason. But in last year’s regular season, the Dodgers were only six games over .500 during their two months with him. The Dodgers won’t continue to reach a .724 winning percentage without him, but they will still win more than half of their games between now and July 3. The Dodgers were bound to cool off anyway, given their hot start and scrappy pitching staff, which has benefitted from pitching all but four games against the aforementioned NL “Worst.”

And for those who want to push the panic button and jump ship, I remind you, Manny will be back July 3 having only missed 50 games out of a 162-game season. By choosing not to appeal the positive test and suspension, Manny will be back 28 days before the day on which he arrived last season. He’s helped to get the Dodgers off to a 21-8 start and six games clear of the second place, and will be back in time help the Dodgers make the push for the playoffs into August and September, and … possibly October?

It will be a struggle for the Dodgers in the 50 games without Manny because the schedule gets tougher with games against the AL West, NL Central and NL East (not to mention that the Dodgers’ pitching is still suspect). But the rest of their division will play these teams also, and the Dodgers are still the best team in a lousy division.

On July 3, I expect the Dodgers to still be in first place in the NL West, with a record around 46-33. I predict they will still play .500 baseball without Manny, which is exactly what they did last season. I see this team as approximately equal to last year’s squad. The improvement in the young offensive core this season makes up for the pitching, which is inferior to the 2008 staff.

As for Bill Plaschke, the L.A. Times writer who said as a panelist during Around the Horn on Thursday afternoon that Manny should never return in a Dodgers uniform, Jack “Bauer” of All Sports has this to say to Plaschke:

Do you really think the Dodgers would not bring Manny back, considering the 21-8 record with him, Dodgers Stadium’s average of 42,815 fans per game thus far in this economy, and the time spent in the offseason by the front office to bring him back? Come on Bill, you sound like Woody Paige! Manny is beloved by Dodgers fans — and will still be when he returns to the lineup — and moves merchandise. The Dodgers can’t afford to not keep him, even if they were to consider it, and need him to take the next step this season, which would be reaching the World Series.

(Do I hear any support out there for a spot on Around the Horn?)

Chavez Ravine will be Mannywood once again on July 3, and expect the Dodgers to still be in first place in the NL West when that time comes.

By Adio B. Royster
THE PHOENIX

Let’s face the facts. No matter how bad your NFL team is, you can always hang your hat on the following …

“As bad as we are right now, at least we’re not __________.”

In the 80s up until about 1995, that statement applied to the Tampa Bay Creamsicles (Buccaneers). From ’96 until … basically now, that statement applied to the Detroit Lions.

With the exception of one random Super Bowl appearance, the new team has officially been anointed, as of the 2009 NFL Draft.

“As bad as we are right now, at least we’re not … The Oakland Raiders.”

I feel sorry for Raiders fans in the same way I feel bad about the guy that has to hook up with the fat girl “bodyguarding” her hot friend while his boy makes out with the hottie. The part of the fat girl in this scenario will be played by Al “Montgomery Burns” Davis. Look at Al Davis, and look at C. Montgomery Burns, and I DARE YOU not to chuckle at the resemblance.

“Burnsie” has been QUOTED as saying he will not go away until the Raiders win two more Super Bowls or he dies of natural causes. If you’re a betting man, bet your mortgage, your kid’s college tuition, etc, on the latter of those happening.

I watched the draft in my apartment, and saw Mark Sanchez go to the Jets (remember to thank Erik Mangini, by the way, Jets fans). When that happened, I began to think that maybe something was going to be special. I’m not a Raiders fan by ANY STRETCH OF THE IMAGINATION, but I kinda got a feeling they might actually do something that makes sense.

I saw “Big Roge” (that’s what the commish, Roger Goodell, wants me to call him in my articles) walk up to the stage with the Raiders’ pick, and I was actually anxious. I have come to know a few Raiders fans in my five years here in San Diego, so I was excited for them. Michael Crabtree, anyone? And then it happened …

“With the eighth pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select … Darrius Hayward-Bey, wide receiver, University of Maryland.”

Immediately, I wondered if Goddell took this pick to the Oakland Raiders war room and go: “Guys? Are you sure about this? Do you need some more time? I’ll give you some more time.”

Literally five seconds later, I got a phone call from my friend Glenn, a dedicated member of Raider Nation, and then proceeded to talk him down from jumping out of a window. After I soothed him like Samuel L. Jackson in “The Negotiator,” Glenn wondered why Heyward-Bey was chosen over Crabtree. I explained carefully that if John Clayton couldn’t figure this out, what makes you think I can make sense of it?

I can tell you who I would have picked, though. I hope Burnsie is reading this. I’m nominating myself to be the next general manager of the Oakland Raiders. (This statement could cause me to lose a lot of friends who are Chargers/Broncos/Chiefs fans, but I gotta do something about this). If Burnsie is reading this and likes what he reads, feel free to contact me.

First, Let’s just analyze the situation. The Raiders have an offense that is loaded with talent at most of the key positions (i.e. quarterback and tailback). They don’t necessarily have the receiving talent, but that isn’t the pressing need in my opinion in the first round. Here’s what would have been said if Adio Royster, General Manager of the Oakland Raiders, made the pick:

“With the eighth pick in the 2009 NFL Draft, the Oakland Raiders select … Eugene Monroe, tackle from the University of Virginia.”

Before the pick, I can imagine the conversation with Burnsie going something like this:

ME: I’m drafting Eugene Monroe with the eighth pick.

BURNSIE: Does he have good hands?

ME: Absolutely. He’ll move those defensive linemen around and help everyone else make plays.

BURNSIE: I meant can he catch the ball?

ME: (with a confused look) Dude. I’m drafting an offensive tackle.

After explaining for about 5-10 minutes how games are won in the trenches, Burnsie kinda goes along with the pick after I promise a career season from JaMarcus Russell (which should be easy, considering his first few years of production).

The Raiders — my mistake, AL DAVIS — didn’t just screw up the first-round pick. He screwed up the ENTIRE DRAFT! In the second round, with two talented safeties, Michael Mitchell, a safety from Ohio was chosen. Um… what?! No.

This year’s draft had good little wide receiving nuggets all through it, so I’m willing to take a chance on a third-round receiver. I’m concentrated on rebuilding an offensive line that a 9-year-old Pop Warner kid can get three sacks against. Therefore, second-round pick: Max Unger, tackle, Oregon. Burnsie, I know I took back to back tackles, but understand something:

It’s impossible to put points on the board with the quarterback:

… on his back

… for the 800th time

… in the first quarter!

Listen, Burnsie. The object of the offensive line is to stop the defensive guys from tackling the offensive guys. I had to explain that as simple as possible. Monroe and Unger do that, and they can step right in and start.

In the third round, I finally give in to Burnsie’s request and draft a wide receiver. Little does he know that I was planning to draft a wide out, anyway. Every so often, I’ll stroke his ego. Derrick Williams, Penn State wide receiver. Come on down and join the party. This is JaMarcus Russell. He will be throwing you the ball. Get used to it fast.

Fourth round is where I may pull a muscle by stretching for Michigan’s Terrance Taylor. He’s a defensive tackle that will put some extra depth and beef on the defensive line. Sometimes, Burnsie, you have to throw a dart and see if it hits. The difference between you and me is that a helpless Raider fan won’t get stabbed in the heart when I throw.

No fifth-round pick, which sucks because I’d be all for South Carolina’s Jasper Brinkley or Oklahoma’s Nic Harris. Fast forward to the sixth round, where Stryker Sulak, a defensive end from Iowa was selected. Sulak would be a great steal … if the Raiders ran a 3-4 defense. But Sulak is WAY undersized to be a 4-3 defensive end in the AFC West (teams with LaDainian Tomlinson, Larry Johnson and, as of right now, Knowshown Moreno). These teams are running, folks. Vance Walker, defensive tackle, Virginia Tech, have a seat, here’s a jersey.

As much as general managers and owners claim a draft is the most difficult part of the job, I just fixed the Raiders with half a draft. Two starters on the offensive line, a possible No. 2 wide receiver and depth on the defensive line. Raiders fans should read this, send it to Burnsie and demand that I take over as general manager of the Oakland Raiders.

The Phoenix has risen, and he’s covered in silver and black.